Is anyone else distant from their family?

[leahmel]

I have a small family to start with, and the family that I do have is distant and separated. (both physically and emotionally). I visit my Florida family 1 or 2x per year and they're very welcoming and love having me, but we aren't super close on a day-to-day basis or anything. I have learned ways to not dwell on it, and my boyfriend being so supportive and loving has really helped. I still have my (rare) days and moments when it is hard to see other peopel being close with their parents. I am just wondering if anyone can relate to not being close to family?

[doriswe]

*raises hand*
I've never really been close to my family, which has been hard when I've been in relationships with guys who are super close to their families....it feels totally foreign to me! I have two brothers, one older and one younger. The older one and I haven't seen each other in years. We will message each other on FB maybe once a month. The younger one married a horrible woman who forced him to cut ties with all of his family and friends, so I've not talked to him in close to 10 years.

My mom lives with me, so I see her all the time, but I wouldn't say that we're close. I don't share with her everything that's going on (hopes/dreams/fears/etc). Prior to her moving here, we probably only talked once a month or so.

There are times I long for a different type of relationship with my family, but truth be told, my family is who I invite in. My friends are my family and we are beyond close. In fact, I've listed two of my friends as my power of attorney for health care, should something happen to me.

The one thing that stings is my friends who have really great relationships with their dads. I wish that I had had that in my life.

[explorer2001]

My family isn't distant physically. They only live a few miles away. I'm however extremely emotionally distant from the local family (my immediate family, though my brother isn't local but it makes the distance less obvious).

I'm actually far closer emotionally with my out of state family.

My brother and parents are and were emotionally abusive. I won't go into all of it.... but let's just day they don't even know about my medical issues, but I'm going to call my aunt about them later tonight.

Needless to say, as long as the distance is healthy, I won't worry about it too much.

I have an amazing support network of coworkers, friends, etc. who fill the role typically assigned to family. They are driving me to and from my surgery, taking care of me afterwards, are the ones I call when I need support and a kind ear, etc.

[justkly]

I can really relate. I've never had a strong "family" and I've been having a really hard time with this lately. I don't feel connected to anyone, except H and I don't think that's healthy. I've always had the same core of friends, but now that I live across country, I'm having a hard time making new friends and finding myself. I feel like the lack of normal family bonding and relationships I had during childhood are really starting to present themselves lately. I guess it's something I can't dwell on and have to just move forward with, but I do find it hard sometimes.

I'm so glad you've found a great boyfriend! I suppose all we can do is make our own family now and create the support that we have always wanted from within.

[blondnearby]

My dad passed away 5 years ago and I have zero contact with my mom because of a RO. I talk to my uncle (my dad's brother) maybe once every 6 months? I am close with my most recent EX's family. I talk to them several times a week (mostly text) and we see them at least once a week.
It's all been a little strange to adjust to but it's what works for us right now.

[heavenly]

I am in the exact same boat as you.

[leahmel]

Not that it changes anything, but it's noce to know that other peple understand or can relate. You tend to only hear about or notice the people who have a closer family when you're on this side of the fence.

I always find it offensive when people are like "not being close to family is a red flag". Not everyone is like that by choice, and if it is by choice, it can be for very good reason.

[roselis]

I am really close with siblings, and my parents. However I am not very close to my aunts, uncles and cousins.
My mom's side lives here in town, but we are the black sheep. We didn't go to a catholic school and we have left the catholic faith (we = my siblings and I. My parents still are). In their eyes, I'm ok again because I am the one with a kid.
My dad's side lives 6 hrs away near Pittsburgh. They are a lot more welcoming and tolerant, but the distance is hard. I will be going to see them at Thanksgiving. Last time I saw most of them were either before or at my wedding.

[charitylynne79]

The only people I have been close to are my biological mom's side of the family. Everyone in my family is all over the place - I am the only one who lives in the state that I do. No one has come out to visit me except for my grandparents here. I am the one who usually has to make the effort to call people, etc. It hurts to see people around me who have family here and family that they are close to. Hell my own parents didn't even come to my own wedding because it was inconvenient for them.

[letyourselfgo]

Yes. I am very close to my Mom, and less so with my younger brother. I only see them maybe once a year or in the case of my brother, once every two years. :-(

[GilliC]

Oct 7, 2012 22:56:06 GMT -5 leahmel said:

I always find it offensive when people are like "not being close to family is a red flag". Not everyone is like that by choice, and if it is by choice, it can be for very good reason.

I know exactly what you mean!!! :heart:

Aside from having lived an ocean away from my family for the past seven years, there are plenty of reasons I don't feel close to them. My sister came out when I was in high school, and my mother completely freaked out. I was the only member of my immediate family at her commitment ceremony, and she and SIL were actually married for 10 years before my mother voluntarily spoke to SIL. In the meantime I managed to forgive the inappropriate reaction, but then I got divorced, and my mother told me that "they never thought I'd find anyone," and she was "sad to think that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone." Umm... Thanks for the support?

I've been seeing a guy for over a year now, and I still won't tell my parents anything about him, because I don't want them involved. Sometimes I'm glad I live far enough away that it's not even easy for my parents to phone me.

I do think my sister and I would be closer if we lived nearby, but she's in Seattle, and I'm in Norway, so even arranging a Facetime chat seems to take a day of advance planning.