Post by UnderProtest on Oct 8, 2012 16:21:43 GMT -5
Okay, I will acknowledge that something ate my brain today and I'm clearly not thinking well. But here goes. So I have tons of baby stuff (fun of having twins, two of almost everything) that the kids have outgrown. Odds are that we will not have any future children and I definitely don't want any more right now. Our house isn't huge, so I don't have tons of space to store stuff.
My MIL and her fiance (extremely nice guy) have asked for our outgrown baby stuff for their co-workers. Both of their coworkers are having twins and are not in great shape, one was a surprise pregnancy after two older kids, the other I'm not sure. I'm torn about giving them the stuff. I don't think I'll need it again, but it kind of seems like we are shutting the door on that option if we give away EVERYthing (car seats, bumbos, swings, clothes). And it seems weird to me to give it to people I don't know, although they seem to need it. We were very fortunate that our families were very generous at baby showers and we continue to be fortunate as my husband makes enough to all me to stay at home with them.
I guess I just thought I would either donate stuff to goodwill (and get the tax write off) or give the stuff to people I know. Someone please tell me I'm being stupid and just give the stuff to people who need it.
Post by vanillacourage on Oct 8, 2012 16:25:45 GMT -5
I would go through and find things you don't think you'll use again and/or aren't worth the "cost" of storing vs. buying again. For example, a carseat that will have expired by the time you use it again, a Bumbo that your kids didn't like that you can re-buy at a consignment sale for $5, etc. But I would not feel pressured into giving away anything you want to hold on to, for whatever reason.
Ok, maybe this is dumb of me, but can you just give away one of each thing? I mean that would still help a lot, but you still have stuff if you have a singleton next time. But if you want to keep it in case, that is fine too IMO.
I would go through and find things you don't think you'll use again and/or aren't worth the "cost" of storing vs. buying again. For example, a carseat that will have expired by the time you use it again, a Bumbo that your kids didn't like that you can re-buy at a consignment sale for $5, etc. But I would not feel pressured into giving away anything you want to hold on to, for whatever reason.
I agree with this. I wouldn't feel compelled to give all of my baby stuff to people I didn't know if I wasn't actively looking for someone who needed it. There will always be someone in need of baby stuff if you decide to part with it later, so if there is any doubt, hold on to it. H and I personally aren't going to start getting rid of baby things until one of us has gotten a permanent form of birth control.
I especially agree that you should give up the infant car seats, since you probably wouldn't be able to use those again since you aren't planning to TTC anytime soon. Those are just taking up room. I'd also get rid of duplicates of really bulky things like swings and high chairs unless you think there is a good chance you might have another set of twins.
Ok, maybe this is dumb of me, but can you just give away one of each thing? I mean that would still help a lot, but you still have stuff if you have a singleton next time. But if you want to keep it in case, that is fine too IMO.
I *could* but I have pink and blue things so what if I give away the pink and then have a girl? Stupid, I know.
Someone please tell me I'm being stupid and just give the stuff to people who need it.
You took the words out of my mouth. If they need it, go ahead. It sounds like you're not deciding to not have any more children, and it sounds like you can easily afford everything again if you need to.
Yeah, this is the smack in the head I need. I seriously doubt we will have any more kids (especially since it took 4 ivfs to have one pregnancy), but I think I'm just sad to give it all away.
You took the words out of my mouth. If they need it, go ahead. It sounds like you're not deciding to not have any more children, and it sounds like you can easily afford everything again if you need to.
Yeah, this is the smack in the head I need. I seriously doubt we will have any more kids (especially since it took 4 ivfs to have one pregnancy), but I think I'm just sad to give it all away.
You're not ready to let it go - so don't. But do give the carseats away as they will just go to waste otherwise. I have some things that I just couldn't part with even though we aren't having more children. And some precious things I gave to people I know because I felt good about knowing they would wear/use it.
Yeah, this is the smack in the head I need. I seriously doubt we will have any more kids (especially since it took 4 ivfs to have one pregnancy), but I think I'm just sad to give it all away.
You're not ready to let it go - so don't. But do give the carseats away as they will just go to waste otherwise. I have some things that I just couldn't part with even though we aren't having more children. And some precious things I gave to people I know because I felt good about knowing they would wear/use it.
I think this might be my issue. I kind of imagined I would get to pick who I gave the stuff to. I know these people need the stuff, but I don't know them at all. It just feels extra odd to me. But I'm probably just projecting my sad feelings about giving up the baby stuff. Its sad that I don't think I'll ever have another newborn.
my first thought is - do those people really want it? they might not be well off- but might have things being given to them already - so to assume they want your stuff is pretty big assumption for your MIL.
and it's not cheap to want to sell, donate with tax write off, etc. It's not easy to give your baby stuff away at all - but it makes some people feel better if they get somethign in return - just eases the giving away baby items some... i know it does for me.
Post by UnderProtest on Oct 8, 2012 19:46:50 GMT -5
I guess I feel kind of pressured by my ILs to give the stuff to their co-workers. Nothing specific that they have done, but I still feel pressure. Along the lines of these poor people, if you are done with your baby stuff, they could really use it. They'd be happy for anything you can give them. My MIL has been very generous with shower gifts and clothes, so it makes me feel bad.
I told you I'm not making much sense. I don't have room for this stuff, I most likely (like 90+%) won't have another kid, but I don't want to give it up. Someone just tell me how to get over not having another kid and suck it up and give this stuff away.
if you have another kid- you will want more new cool stuff --- seriously every year they come out with stuff that is soooo much better than the year before- so look at it that way - if you have another, you'[ll get to buy some really cool shit
car seats expire... so you don't want to hold on to them long anyway. I'd give those away b/c it's not easy to sell them.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. If you gave it to them, do you think you'd regret it? Are there other people you had in mind that you'd prefer to give it to? I think I'd be torn as well.
Not regret exactly. I'm keeping some of my favorite outfits as keepsakes, so it isn't that. I guess its that its closing a door on future kids (I know I can re-buy stuff, but that seems wasteful and if we thought we were going to have more, we would keep our own stuff) and because its not people *I* know. I didn't have anyone else in mind, although I have since met a neighbor who is having twins, but who knows if we will become friends or such. I'm not sure why I'm so torn. Maybe I'm just being obstinate.
Doesn't really sound like this is about who you're giving it to or being cheap. You just aren't ready to admit you're probably not having more kids. That's okay, although I'd give away the infant seats as they will expire. If it makes you happy to keep the rest for a while, and you can live with the consequences of the stuff in your house, then keep the rest for a while.
For me, I think I'd be a little annoyed at MIL and her fiance asking for the stuff because then I'd either feel obligated to give it or like an ass if I said no. It is very nice of them to want to help out their co-workers, and very kind of you if you do pass things along. But, it is a difficult request to say no to and that's part of what I would find difficult.
Thank you for expressing this much better than I did. To make ithe guilt worse, she gave me a LOT of the clothes so I feel even more obligated.
Post by dutchgirl678 on Oct 8, 2012 22:54:41 GMT -5
I might get flamed for this but could you give them some of the stuff and still write it on your Goodwill list with some stuff that you do donate? At our Goodwill they just give us a slip with a date and I staple my list to it when I get home. It's still a donation to a good cause, right?
And I certainly wouldn't give things that I wasn't ready to part with. Don't feel pressured to give all of it away.
Your families were generous before, they will be again, if it's called for. In the meantime, separate the emotional from the practical and get rid of your stuff.
DH wants to keep stuff in case we adopt again, but in the next breath sounds like that's never going to happen. I'll give it one more year before it all goes out the door, whether that's consigned or to people who want/need it.
For me, I think I'd be a little annoyed at MIL and her fiance asking for the stuff because then I'd either feel obligated to give it or like an ass if I said no. It is very nice of them to want to help out their co-workers, and very kind of you if you do pass things along. But, it is a difficult request to say no to and that's part of what I would find difficult.
This is what I was thinking. She kind of put you in a awkward position. I would just tell her you had already made other plans for the items and leave it at that. She does not need to know if you are giving them to someone/somewhere else, or just keeping them. These are your items. Not hers to try and give away. It sounds like she is doing it with kind intentions and it is sweet of her to want to help others. But to assume you are getting rid of things without you mentioning it first would rub me the wrong way.
I might get flamed for this but could you give them some of the stuff and still write it on your Goodwill list with some stuff that you do donate? At our Goodwill they just give us a slip with a date and I staple my list to it when I get home. It's still a donation to a good cause, right?
And I certainly wouldn't give things that I wasn't ready to part with. Don't feel pressured to give all of it away.
Can't do that. Considering my husband is a tax accountant and I used to be one, that won't fly in our house. But I was trying to figure out something in that vein that was allowable.
Definitely give the car seats. All they are doing right now is collecting dust and will most likely be expired when you would get to use them again. But don't rush into giving away things that you aren't ready to give away yet.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Oct 9, 2012 6:40:31 GMT -5
At first I thought "don't let your in laws pressure you, you aren't ready yet, keep your stuff".
Now I think you are a hoarder . Not really, but if you are 90%+ done with kids, dude, get rid of it already! At the very least get rid of all the girl stuff and the cars eats, bc if you do have another you can use blue for either.
But personally, I would pick one Rubbermaid bin, keep whatever fits in the bin, and get rid of everything else.
We just decided we were done, and even though tiny parts of me would like another baby, I gleefully got it all out of my house. I saved one bin of baby clothes, one small box of baby toys so get out if a friend with a baby comes over to play, and the rest was GONe! Yay for empty closet space! It was a little sad, but mostly it was awesome to have less junk in my house. And if on the off chance we ever have another down the road (it would be a surprise, I am getting an kid next week) I will happily buy all new again.
I'm pretty sure we're not having any more kids, but it kills me to give stuff away, or even sell it. I know where you're coming from. I'm just not ready to part with it, so I've only given away or sold a few things to people who have said they needed/wanted that specific thing. Maybe find out what they need specifically, and give them one or two things.
Post by hopeful2012 on Oct 9, 2012 14:17:26 GMT -5
I would go through and give away half to a majority of the stuff and save only things you realistically would actually use again in the time frame that you would actually have another. I am pregnant with #2 now and even with a 3.5 year age gap I feel like I am going to be buying a lot of the stuff again anways because its either "expired"/been recalled/in bad shape. I would save favorite outfits, clothes that are in good condition that you would use again, etc.