About kids and pets but wwyd ? For all (updated)

[froggy76]

I think he has suffered enough. I'd put him down tonight, honestly. Otherwise, on Thursday.

I'm really sorry.

[Deleted]

Oct 9, 2012 10:57:32 GMT -5 Balki.Bartokomous said:

Oct 9, 2012 10:48:55 GMT -5 liveintheville said:

I guess we just don't know how selfish it is to treat his symptoms just to spend more time with him, when there's no chance of a cure. Again, not keeping him in pain or distress, but continuing with chemo to keep his quality of life up and have more time with him.

As long as quality of life is there (& you can afford it), I'd continue with the chemo.

Another one of our dogs underwent chemo & it extended her life for a good 4 months. I do not think what we did was selfish since she didn't seem to be in pain. People treat people with terminal illnesses all the time for the sake of spending more time together, with pain, even, and I definitely do not view that as being selfish.

I agree with this. I don't think it is selfish at all to prolong a pet's life if the pet isn't suffering for it. If treatments were horrible and the daily life after treatments was poor, I would say it is time. If not, then I think you have more leeway to do whatever you feel is best.

My mom is going through something somewhat similar with her cat - he has kidney failure and it seems that he might be able to hang on for months or even years with regular IV meds and other treatments, but may not last long without them. She's torn since he's 13 and the long term prognosis isn't good, and she doesn't want to be selfish in making him live for her sake. I hesitated to tell her what I think because it should be her decision - but I think I would continue treatment as long as the pet wasn't suffering.

Whatever you decide will be the right thing. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[mbcdefg]

Maybe this doesn't apply, since your kids seem to be very young, but my concern about putting the dog down (say) today and delaying telling them until after the party would be that they didn't get to say goodbye to the dog.

My brother and sister didn't say goodbye to our family dog, since they lived at home and weren't up yet when my folks took her to the vet that last day (since we didn't know until that night how truly serious her situation was). They really regret not saying goodbye to her ... but they were 22 and 24.

You know your kids best, of course, so IDK if they're at an age where that would really matter to them in the long run. Or if they can really grasp what a final goodbye really is.


ETA: I wouldn't leave him at the e-vet for more than an overnight, especially if he'll just be put down anyway. If it's his time to go then he should spend his last day(s) with his family.

[liveintheville]

Thanks, everyone for the good wishes. I'll definitely update after his oncology appointment.

Yeah, I'm not sure how the kids will handle it. Kid 2 is only 2 so he'll forget eventually. Kid 1 might be devastated or shrug it off, since as many have pointed out, he's known for years now that Q is sick.

My husband and I will be the most upset but we've known this was coming. We've had him for all 12 years of his life and it's hard to let go

[luvmagoldn]

My twins were 2.5 and LO was a few months old when we put our golden down. We brought her home from the vet for literally 30 mins so the boys could say good-bye (they were with the nanny). H and I then took her back to the vet to put her down.

I'm not sure they totally understood it at the time but I feel good that they got to say goodbye.

My kids still talk about Amber and remember her in their prayers so kids know and hold on to things more than we might expect.

I bring this up because telling your kids after the fact might be harder for them. It's a tough call but you obviously know your kids best.

[Balki.Bartokomous]

Oct 9, 2012 11:39:32 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Maybe this doesn't apply, since your kids seem to be very young, but my concern about putting the dog down (say) today and delaying telling them until after the party would be that they didn't get to say goodbye to the dog.

My brother and sister didn't say goodbye to our family dog, since they lived at home and weren't up yet when my folks took her to the vet that last day (since we didn't know until that night how truly serious her situation was). They really regret not saying goodbye to her ... but they were 22 and 24.

You know your kids best, of course, so IDK if they're at an age where that would really matter to them in the long run. Or if they can really grasp what a final goodbye really is.

ITA. I think not giving them a chance to say goodbye is a really bad suggestion.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[dochas]

Can you say he's going to the vet but is very sick and have them say a big goodbye now "in case he doesn't get well". Then put him down and not tell them it was done until after the party? I'm so sorry, this is a terrible situation.

[agnes]

Oct 9, 2012 12:00:06 GMT -5 Balki.Bartokomous said:

Oct 9, 2012 11:39:32 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Maybe this doesn't apply, since your kids seem to be very young, but my concern about putting the dog down (say) today and delaying telling them until after the party would be that they didn't get to say goodbye to the dog.

My brother and sister didn't say goodbye to our family dog, since they lived at home and weren't up yet when my folks took her to the vet that last day (since we didn't know until that night how truly serious her situation was). They really regret not saying goodbye to her ... but they were 22 and 24.

You know your kids best, of course, so IDK if they're at an age where that would really matter to them in the long run. Or if they can really grasp what a final goodbye really is.

ITA. I think not giving them a chance to say goodbye is a really bad suggestion.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I didn't even think of this when I posted. ITA that the kids should be able to say goodbye.

I know when my father put 2 of our cats down I was extremely upset that I didn't get to say my goodbyes. I was a very emotional teenager FWIW.

As a PP said above, if you could bring Q from the vet to the kids and then back, I think that would be best.

[suburbanzookeeper]

Oct 9, 2012 10:03:08 GMT -5 geneg said:

I can't imagine letting an animal suffer. Your kiddo will be devastated no matter when it happens.

I agree with this. I cannot imagine letting my dog suffer or continue to hold on by a thread to miss my daughter's birthday. It's such a quality of life issue for me.

[Deleted]

Do not put him down on your kid's birthday. Before or after.

[drloretta]

((HUGS))

[liveintheville]

Ok. We're back finally. Q has an infection and is septic. Running a fever. They're doing a urinalysis and gave him fluids and IV antibiotics and allowed us to bring him home with instructions to call with a report tomorrow and more antibiotics for him. They say he should be feeling much better within 24-48 hours.

The oncologist was very encouraging. His lymphoma is not progressing so that is not the cause of his discomfort. We had the option of admitting him but he hates being away from home and obviously we want time with him.

He definitely perked up at some point while we were there. He was willing to eat as many treats as people would give him and is moving much better. So, we'll call tomorrow with an update and see where to go from there. She seems to think it's a fairly minor infection, though.

Anyway. Thank you all so much! I really appreciate the support and suggestions.

[hereonceagain]

Oct 9, 2012 14:11:06 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Do not put him down on your kid's birthday. Before or after.

I agree. My dogs death dates have been stuck in my head forever and I think it's devastating for that to be on a birthday, if it can be avoided yet be humane. I know the kids are young but I think it will have an impact on you too.

Sorry you are going through this.

[dexteroni]

Yay! So glad to hear this update. Hang in there little Q!

What does Q stand for? We have a Quincy.

[liveintheville]

Oct 9, 2012 15:48:31 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Yay! So glad to hear this update. Hang in there little Q!

What does Q stand for? We have a Quincy.

Ours is Quentin. We chose the name from Edward Gorey's Gashley Crumb Tinies. "Q is for Quentin, who sank in a mire." And we almost always call him Q
Except for Sunday when he was referred to exclusively as "pees in the house".

[mbcdefg]

Glad to hear he's doing better!

[MadamePresident]

Glad he is doing well. Its so sad when animals are sick, for both you and them.