I have a feeling I am going to lose my friend

[naeljun]

She just started dating someone. I think she is going to be one of those who disappears. Why do women do this?

[achase123]

Ugh, I have friends who do this. They're usually the ones who CANNOT be alone too. If I ever act that way someone please smack me around a little, k?

[Deleted]

It's so annoying. But sadly there have been very few times when I've had a friend who starts dating someone and doesn't disappear. I think maintaining friendships is key to relationships.

[naeljun]

Oct 9, 2012 12:31:28 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Ugh, I have friends who do this. They're usually the ones who CANNOT be alone too. If I ever act that way someone please smack me around a little, k?

you got it. I'm so not that person. Never was and never will be.

[bowies]

Ugh, I'm going through something similar. She's been dating him for a while, but it's a LDR so her free time is spent visiting him or talking to him on the phone. I feel like the lack of time spent on our friendship has finally caught up to us. I've been feeling very lonely because of it.

Right after I started dating FI, I was dumped by a friend for it, not the other way around. I kept trying to make plans with her but she'd no-show. I heard through the grapevine that she decided to dump me before I dumped her, because that's what women do when they get into relationships. She was always a little crazy.

[usedtobebear]

That's lame, was she an actual friend or more of an acquaintance? Most of my friends are long time friends so I haven't dealt with this recently, but I'm sorry, that sucks!

[Deleted]

Can you express your concerns early on? I've done this with some friends. It depends on how the friendship about how I express it. Some I kinda joke around "Well make sure you know that just because you're with X now, doesn't me you can bail on our girls nights." Or if they are a really close friend I'm honest "Hey friend, you know when Marie got together with Jason she basically stopped hanging out with me and returning my calls. You mean a lot to me and I don't want that to happen, let's make sure we still do xyz together."

[heavenly]

I think some women are not self-aware that they are putting the needs of others before their own (co-dependency). I see women are co-dependent on their friends and transfer that behavior to their spouse when they get married and just focus on the spouse needs.

I've done that in the past, I am glad I am able to discover this about myself and change my ways and ways of thinking; this was not an easy process.

[emma245]

Oct 9, 2012 12:28:10 GMT -5 naeljun said:

She just started dating someone. I think she is going to be one of those who disappears. Why do women do this?

One of my pet peeves. I dont understand it at ALL. But I also was in a marriage that my EXH wasnt around a lot so I had time for friends

[naeljun]

Oct 9, 2012 13:13:37 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Can you express your concerns early on? I've done this with some friends. It depends on how the friendship about how I express it. Some I kinda joke around "Well make sure you know that just because you're with X now, doesn't me you can bail on our girls nights." Or if they are a really close friend I'm honest "Hey friend, you know when Marie got together with Jason she basically stopped hanging out with me and returning my calls. You mean a lot to me and I don't want that to happen, let's make sure we still do xyz together."

Totally. I plan on this. It's not like I have all that much time to go out anyway but she is a good friend and we have fun.

[jojoandleo]

XFI was very controlling and told me I wasn't "allowed" to hang out with certain friends because they were "bad influences". I am very thankful that my friends stuck by me when I finally had the guts to leave even though I had kind of dumped them while with him. I am not saying this is going on, but just another side.

[leahmel]

I really hate this. I kind of did it myself with my exH and learned a big lesson from that. My girlfriends are so important to me, I could never bail on them for a relationship again. It's just a totally different type of relationship than the one you have with your SO, everyone needs their friends!! I am sorry she is being that way. Maybe talk to her about it and see if she just doens't realize that she is letting friends slip away?

[dakotadangerdog]

Oct 9, 2012 13:27:01 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

XFI was very controlling and told me I wasn't "allowed" to hang out with certain friends because they were "bad influences". I am very thankful that my friends stuck by me when I finally had the guts to leave even though I had kind of dumped them while with him. I am not saying this is going on, but just another side.

Yep, my xh was the same. Except not so much that they were "bad influences", if it was a girl he just DIDNT LIKE HER if it was a guy HE JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU! and if I went out with a friend and he stayed home he'd throw a fit, WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEE IM LOOOOONELY.

[hainesherway]

Oct 9, 2012 12:28:10 GMT -5 naeljun said:

She just started dating someone. I think she is going to be one of those who disappears. Why do women do this?

Ugh, I hope she doesn't disappear. Those that lose touch with friends lose touch with themselves.

[naeljun]

I just asked her if now that she has a man friend if she is going to forget about me. She said nope, I was just going to see if you wanted to go dancing on Wednesday night (Country line dancing). We will see what the weekend brings though I should probably save some money and stay in this weekend. Heading to Disney in 2 months.