Need family advice - dad/housekeeping related

[karinothing]

My mom was the housekeeper in our family. Since her passing my dad has not done the best job keeping the house clean and now he has 4 cats (maybe 5? I don't know). Anyway, I don't think the house is really cluttered but he just doesn't clean and my brother and his fiance mentioned that it is starting to really smell like animal.

We had 2 dogs, 2 cats and birds/reptiles while I lived there and it never smelled like animals then so obviously something is not being cleaned properly. The house is all tile.

Anyway, my brother and I want to get my dad a housekeeper for Christmas but have no clue how to approach it without him getting mad. Last time I visited I cleaned the bathroom when I got there and he got annoyed with me saying he cleaned it already ..sigh.

Any advice?

[starlily]

My honest advice is to just hire one.
My parents resisted the idea for a year or two (the house was tidy enough but hard for them to clean due to their age), but it became clearly apparent they needed more housekeeping help last spring. My mom was seriously upset & crying at the thought, insisting she could still do it. My dad was a little more receptive, but still reluctant. After spending one visit with them scrubbing the house from top to bottom and doing over a dozen loads of laundry, H&I hired a housekeeping service for them.

For all the fuss beforehand, they sure were grateful for the cleaners once they were actually there.

[countthestars]

Are you planning on having a cleaning person come once, or were you thinking about a bi-weekly/monthly visit? Could you pose it as an occasional deep clean - say that you know it takes a lot of work to clean a house by yourself and you thought he would enjoy having a deep clean every once in a while? He may be more receptive to that than an every other week person?

[missajane]

Maybe explain that you just couldn't figure out what to get the guy that has everything and thought a housekeeper would be a nice break so he could focus on other hobbies even though you KNOW he doesn't NEED one.

[karinothing]

I know it needs an initial deep clean, but then I wanted to do something like twice a month. I feel like this is hard becuase I live 2000 miles away (my brother lives there, but I know the bulk of all this will fall on me).

Maybe I can mention the deep clean, I just feel like he is going to get mad at my no matter what, but perhaps that is a good start. He is getting older (he is 75) but I think it be a good idea.

[countthestars]

Maybe you can try to frame it as trying to give him more time to do things that he enjoys? I think after the first clean he will probably enjoy having the service.

[mbcdefg]

Oct 9, 2012 13:20:50 GMT -5 missajane said:

Maybe explain that you just couldn't figure out what to get the guy that has everything and thought a housekeeper would be a nice break so he could focus on other hobbies even though you KNOW he doesn't NEED one.

I like this approach.

Look, the house needs to be cleaned, period. It's better for him to get a little pissy than it is for him to live in filth.

And if you live far away, how's he really going to get mad at you, just bitch at you on the phone? Hold the phone away from your ear and pipe in occasionally with, "Uh huh, OK, right."

[minzy]

I can see why you would want to get involved, but I might tread lightly since it doesn't sound too terribly concerning at this point. Just because he isn't keeping the house clean the way you might, does not mean the way he does it is wrong, or that it is wrong for him. What you may think is helpful, someone else might find really annoying, particularly about something as personal as how they keep order to their space.

However, I have also seen the gratitude starlily describes when someone else takes the reins and finally does something already. Inertia can be quite a powerful thing to overcome.

Maybe you could use your son as an excuse? Aren't you going there soon? You want the house clean at the holidays since he'll be crawling/walking(?) all around. If that initial clean goes well and your dad is receptive to it, then sign him up for more sessions?