Fuck, PANIC mode - signing a lease

[onesweetworld]

I'm going to barf.

This is moving TOO FAST.

I'm committing to a year lease bc that's all you can do in Toronto so I will throw away $24,000 over the next year on rent. +o( I hate having to make these split second decisions.

Turns out H went looking at places the day he told me he was done - last Friday.

I just need to type this shit out to you all b/c I have no journal yet and no shrink! I will get one. I swear just no time to breathe right now.

My eye has been twitching all day. I can't breathe, eat, sleep, think.

[kc18]

This is a first step. I freaked out and cried for hours the day I signed my first lease by myself. Luckily my mom was with me to help with the panic attack that ensued. It's a tough decision to move out, but at least you are pressing on and moving forward with it.

Good job. Lots of hugs. And congrats on taking the first step.

Knowing your H looked for places already should further cement in your head that doing this is the right thing to do right now.

[Deleted]

Do you like the place?

[onesweetworld]

Mags, it is the best of the places I saw today. At least it is not in a highrise (I'm scared of heights) and is the top 2 floors of a stacked townhouse. Brand new too. It has a roof top terrace and extra space for a playroom for M. Only 2 bedrooms but again, at least we walk up a set of stairs to bedrooms like she's used to doing. It has a park in the complex. I know one family who lives in the same area.

It's not cheap but I can be okay there for a year.

Thanks for asking.

[Deleted]

Well all those things are awesome! I bet 1 month from now you will be over the top happy with your new place!

[kc18]

I love the idea of a roof top terrace. How cool is that.

[naeljun]

Oct 9, 2012 15:55:37 GMT -5 mags said:

Well all those things are awesome! I bet 1 month from now you will be over the top happy with your new place!

It's as scary as hell at first. Go easy on yourself and give yourself time to adjust. You will eventually love it. You get to watch whatever you want on TV, make the bed if you want or get into it messy, leave a cup on the counter or be super clean and not have to worry about anyone else's mess. It just takes time.

[aerochyck]

Knowing Toronto, I think this sounds fantastic!

Just remember to breathe and that no matter what you will survive.

[BlueBayou]

Oct 9, 2012 15:55:37 GMT -5 mags said:

Well all those things are awesome! I bet 1 month from now you will be over the top happy with your new place!

This exactly!

[usedtobebear]

I'm so sorry, ::deep breaths:: You WILL get through this, it's so hard, I completely understand the stress you are dealing with, hang in there!!

[doriswe]

Hang in there....this is a hard first step, but you know in your heart it's the right one. Trust me, in a few months you'll look back at this as the start of a much more fabulous life.

[Bernadine]

Feel free to put anything here you need to. The place sounds great. It will feel strange at first, but I bet you'll be happy there. Just keep taking deep breaths and go step by step. You'll be ok, I promise.

[marigoldgirl]

It will be fine. You will be fine. One step at a time.

[notatree]

Just breathe, you can do this!

[snatchparade]

You can do this. Keep breathing and you WILL get through this. Things are scary because they are different and there are a lot of unknowns, but you seem like you have been amazingly strong so far. Keep focused on yourself and your child.

[tallie]

You can do this. This may sound really cheesy, but do you know the song "Uncle John's Band"? it's a Grateful Dead song, but I have Jimmy Buffett's version. Anyhow, the first line is "well the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry anymore". It's true, the very first days are the worst, feeling like you're going to puke is totally normal. I choose to leave my XH and I still lost 5 lbs almost overnight when I moved out! Luckily my best girl friend came and spend the first night with me, and brought a bottle of my favourite rum. It's really tough, but you will get through it!