Death and Facebook

[ringstrue]

My sister's BIL hung himself Friday night. He was in his late 20s, but already an alcoholic and bi-polar, been to jail, robbed a place, has drugs all the time, etc. This was not his first attempt, and everyone sort of "knew" he was prone to having this be his end, still, its very sad.

Anywho, he posted on FB all.the.time (like 5 times a day) and friends *everyone* (He has 700+ friends). So now people are posting on his page looking for him.

What do you do in this situation? What *is* the appropriate thing to do with a facebook page at this point? I was thinking someone could post his obit when it comes out on his wall but I haven't suggested that to anyone yet.

Also - how does news of a death of a young adult usually go around if they are out of school? Is it typically when the obit is posted in the papers? I don't know that many people his age go through the obituaries, kwim?

It's just very awkward because my sister and her DH and his other siblings are looking at his wall but not sure if they if they should be PMing people who post on his wall or what.

[ESF]

I'm sorry to hear this - that has got to be so hard.

I have no idea on any sort of advice. If someone has the password, perhaps the wall can be locked? Otherwise, I think Facebook has some procedure for when someone dies - ie family members can contact them, and have their page be converted to a memorial page or something. I think a link to the obituary is a good idea.

[earlgreyhot]

I had a FB friend commit suicide a few years back. It was never announced per say, but became clear as people basically writing ulogies his wall. It was through that outlet I knew of his arrangements. When a family member passes earlier this year, the daughter posted from her account announcing she had passed.

In this case, I think someone should get into his account and announce it, leaving out the details. "this is so and so, it is with much sadness that xx passed night. And then whatever details you want to include."

[Deleted]

Sadly, I have had a couple FB friends pass away. Both times a family member posted on the wall that they are so and so, and then some sort of announcement (like it is with a heavy heart that I inform so and so's friends that he passed away on such and such date. Funeral details will be posted as soon as they are arranged - something to this effect)

I also have a colleague whose wife passed away about a year ago, and her Facebook account is still active. He said he couldn't figure out her password and had no luck when he contacted FB - but I also don't know how hard he tried.

[dylanite]

May 20, 2012 19:14:10 GMT -5 @mrdobalina said:

Someone will post "RIP bro, You'll always be in my heart." And people will get the clue by 4.

Man I would laugh at such a douchebag so hard.

[redheadbaker]

I read this article about two years ago. www.nytimes.com/2010/07/18/technology/18death.html

To memorialize a profile, a family member or friend must fill out a form on the site and provide proof of the death, like a link to an obituary or news article, which a staff member at Facebook will then review.

[thejackpot]

People always put some RIP post and then the floodgates open and other post and someone always asks what happened. It continues from there.

What really creeps me out is when the person is deceased for awhile and then there page shows up on the sidebar with a year ago they were doing x.

[laurenpetro]

IDK too much about the FB thing. if it was me i would post, "thank you for your kind words. etc etc etc".

as far as spreading the word, don't worry about that. i had a friend die when i was younger and it spread like wildfire.

[lemondrop]

If people don't know, one of his close family members should post on his wall like others have mentioned. If you just wait for the RIP, you'll get the person who asks what happened in a relatively assy way.

[pescalita]

www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased

As for how it spreads, when a friend from college died, we got a call from a mutual friend. That was before FB though, 2005. BigT had a HS friend pass away also, I don't remember how he heard that but I think we happened to be in town, maybe we saw something in the newspaper?

[Rainy Night in Soho]

Someone in the family should post something brief & simple. I've known a few people commit suicide in the past few years- and the best explanation in the actual obituary was the following "Passed away suddenly after a lengthy illness."

A friend who grew up a few houses from me died a few months ago- and someone had just posted "RIP" & tagged his name. That probably wasn't the best way for many people to find out!

[twotrue]

Others already gave good advice, just wanted to say I'm sorry for your family's loss.

sent from phone

[alleinesein]

I've found out about 2 deaths in the past 6 months via FB. One was a friend who committed suicide and the other was a high school friends husband who died suddenly.

For the friend who committed suicide his wife made a very brief post on his wall and then the word spread amongst his friends. The hardest part (for me) with his death was that he was a former coworker and the few of us who did keep in contact with him had to deal with a shitton of people asking about what happened when we got to work.

My friend who lost her husband (2 weeks ago) made an announcement to let everyone know that her husband passed away suddenly and then kept everyone informed about the memorial services.

[ringstrue]

Thanks for the link pesc!

Thanks for the advice.

I agree that I don't want the shitton of randoms asking questions if it can be avoided. Its such a hard death for immediate family to deal with so my sis and other not-horribly-close people are trying to get stuff dealt with with the bit of competency they have during this time. So I'm just trying to help her through that part.

[Deleted]

A reg rom MM recently passed away. We all found out on FB because people were sharing stories of great memories they had with her, and then wrote that they will miss her.

[iamali]

My sisters page is "memorialized" or whatever you call it.

And FTR I didn't think anyone who posted that they loved her and will her her were douchebags.

[loislane23]

I usually find out a friend has died based on everyone changing their statuses to "RIP SoandSo." Then, everyone runs to the profile of the deceased to write him/her notes.

[jaylea]

Someone I grew up with died recently of what I assume to be an OD, based upon some posts.

His brother just posted something brief, along the lines of dying after a long illness and how they miss him.

[meg]

May 20, 2012 19:14:10 GMT -5 @mrdobalina said:

Someone will post "RIP bro, You'll always be in my heart." And people will get the clue by 4.

Honestly... this.

An acquaintance's son recently died (at 21 combo of type 1 diabetes and drinking... very sad) and literally there was a "RIP bro" post or two.

After that, his mom posted and tagged him (so it would show on his feed) about his death.

It seems that FB pages for deceased often become tributes to them. A kid I went to HS with who passed a year or 2 ago still sometimes has posts to his wall "was thinking about you today while I was xyz..." I kinda think those are nice, and for the FB generation are a nice living tribute.