If you're a caretaker type

[Bernadine]

How do you keep yourself from being taken advantage of?

I like doing things and buying things for people I care about. Which is fine when people appreciate it, but can easily be taken advantage of.

How do you balance doing things for people, but not to the extent that they stop appreciating it? Not that I think J won't appreciate it- he's also the caretaker type, but I find it hard to balance when I care about people.

Does that make any sense?

[gozf]

It does make sense. I know exactly what you're talking about, though I don't think I really have an answer other. The thing I found most effective is to eliminate the assholes and users from my life -- which, sadly, is not as easy as one would imagine. I never really felt blatantly taken advantage of, but certainly underappreciated. Fortunately, the people I'm now close to are all pretty giving and appreciative. We're a nice bunch! It's lovely!

That probably doesn't help much, does it?

[doriswe]

My answer is similiar to gozf's. I don't keep people in my life who take advantage of me. This is fairly new, however. Last year I really took stock of who had my back and ditched those who were just constant life suckers.

[chrissie3416]

Im def the caretaker type but I have definitely learned to make some boundaries. I do things to help J out when I can, either cleaning up or paying now and then but I dont do it constantly. I have had to learn to rein myself in.

[jojoandleo]

I'm not really a caretaker,but I am a fixer. I used to date/be friends with people who I thought needed me, needed my help and that I could "fix". My therapist really helped me with it. She helped me realize I can't fix people, they have to fix themselves. I too cut all those people out of my life who were using me. Now, I think about what I want as well as what my friends want, and if what I want doesn't really jive with what my friends want, I put myself first. Like, if a friend needs money, and while I have extra money, it's not much, I am not going to lend it. Or if my friend needs to talk and wants to go out, but I have a test the next day, I will compromise to talking on the phone, or going to dinner during a study break, or finding her another mutual friend to be there for her. I think of my needs first, and if there is a compromise, or a way to combine them, I do, but I don't put their needs before mine. I don't know if this is helpful for you or not.

[Bernadine]

I'm hoping that just being aware of the way I am will keep me from going overboard.

[Deleted]

Therapy has helped me be aware that I am giving too much of myself and not taking care of myself properly. I also don't surround myself with people who take advantage of me and have just started to NOT do things for people. It's hard, but little by little, it has helped.

[blackkitty]

Oct 10, 2012 7:49:22 GMT -5 gozf said:

It does make sense. I know exactly what you're talking about, though I don't think I really have an answer other. The thing I found most effective is to eliminate the assholes and users from my life -- which, sadly, is not as easy as one would imagine. I never really felt blatantly taken advantage of, but certainly underappreciated. Fortunately, the people I'm now close to are all pretty giving and appreciative. We're a nice bunch! It's lovely!

That probably doesn't help much, does it?

I agree with this :Y: