The guy I dated before my husband is having a baby with his girlfriend. Our families are extremely close (they were before we dated). We have known each other since we were babies. We dated for about 6 months. He is hot hot hot (like model hot) but the most boring person. It didn't end bad and no hard feelings.
Well, we (my mom, sister, BIL, me, dh etc.) went to their co ed shower last Sunday. Everyone kept pulling me aside and whispering "does it feel weird to see him"? etc. His mom said to me "they have only been dating for a year and she's 8 months pregnant, you would never do that because your class all the way. My face was like " WTF people I'm married with a kid now.
I'm genuinely happy for him and his girlfriend. I went more as a longtime family friend then an "ex". I had no idea that people were still holding on to a 6 month relationship that ended over 7 years old ago.
Question: Do you think she knew that we dated? Was it wrong for me to go?
At the end, I suggested if she ever needs anything I live very close to them. She looked at me like a weirdo.
I've had a similar situation with an ex who knocked up a girl from a bar. close family friend and everyone kept commenting about how that never would have happened with me. um, okay. I don't think it's weird that you went and I would guess that she probably does know.
Post by hannamaren on Oct 10, 2012 12:30:01 GMT -5
Well, in general the new wife shouldnt care. You dated for 6 mths, 7 yrs ago. But considering the other guests attitudes, I feel bad for the poor girl and she may have been conditioned to hate you. Sorry. I think it was fine that you went.
i don't think it was wrong for you to go at all. i think all the folks who kept bringing up that old relationship that is clearly six feet deep were wrong to even open their yaps about it.
I'm sure she knows that yo dated. I probably wouldn't have gone, but don't see any harm in you having gone. People are weird about stupid stuff like that.
Post by phunluvin82 on Oct 10, 2012 12:32:47 GMT -5
I have no clue if she knew or not...but I don't think it's weird that you went. It was only weird b/c other people were making it weird.
I had a similar situation...my parents' long time best friends from college had a son that was around my age. In our early 20's, we dated for a few months. It just didn't work out, but we parted ways amicably. I don't ever even really think of him as an 'ex'...that was like a weird blip on the radar of knowing each other our whole lives.
Do you think she knew that we dated? Was it wrong for me to go?
If she didn't, she probably does now, because stupid people apparently can't seem to stop talking about it. Someone probably couldn't resist mentioning it to her, so hopefully she knew already.
No, it wasn't wrong for you to go. You are class all the way, unlike the people who tripped over themselves to gossip about the guest of honor at her shower.
I don't think it's weird you went or that you were invited as a family friend. People loove to think they are involved in drama/gossip and create it where there is none.
You didn't date for a long time, it was many years ago, and you ended it on good terms, so it's really not weird.
And even aside from all that, if you and this guy were OK with you being there then that's all that matters. You went to wish him well, not to try and win him back. It's not your problem if other people try to sniff out drama that isn't there.
If you were invited, it wasn't wrong of you to attend.
I don't think it's a big deal if the guy didn't tell his GF that you used to briefly date ... if he did (or didn't) and she has a problem with you being there, then that's between the two of them. You would only be at fault if you invited yourself.
Post by LoveTrains on Oct 10, 2012 12:42:11 GMT -5
Eh, I am good friends with an old boyfriend from high school and his wife. I see them fairly often and I don't think its weird at all. We dated like 15 years ago.
Also, I hooked up with H's best friend in college - and actually a few of his friends. That was before H and I were dating. That stuff is all years ago water under the bridge type of stuff. Who cares. I went to the wedding of another high school friend two weeks ago. I hooked up with him off and on for two years - but like in college.
I don't think it's at all wrong to go. You were invited for a reason, your families are friends, the dating relationship was brief and a long time ago.
Everyone has different relationships with exes, and I don't side-eye them unless they're unhealthy. I've stayed friends or friendly with a lot of guys I dated, and know their SOs/wives. But other people can be weird.
Case in point: I dated a guy who I brought into a rather large circle of friends. We broke up amicably, and stayed friends, going out with our group. One gal pulled me aside and said she found out he had a ma.tch. com membership before and after we dated, and might have even had one during our brief (9 months) time together. She was ready to rip him a new one for "cheating" on me. My philosophy was either 1) he had the membership and just never looked at it while we were dating (which turned out to be the case); or 2) he was on the site while we were dating, in which case it was good we broke up. Now we're both happily married and couldn't be happier for each other.
I don't find it weird at all, given that it wasn't a serious relationship, that it finished a long time ago and that the families have known each other even before you started dating.
What I find weird and rude it's people making those annoying comments, specially the guy's mother. Maybe she's the reason why this girl doesn't feel comfortable around you, god knows what comments this woman might be making to her about you and her son dating.
Enh, if one of the most attractive women I had ever seen IRL had dated my H, their families were still friends and loved her, and she was nice enough to try and make friends?
Post by morningmania on Oct 10, 2012 13:13:02 GMT -5
I am a little unsure if she knew or not. I have a feeling maybe she just respects and looks up to who you are.
Strange that other people brought anything up. I feel that is rude and none of their business to really say anything. Quite the way to make you feel uncomfortable.
I think it is bizarre that people kept saying "Is it weird to see him?" It has been 7 years since a brief relationship. Wouldn't one assume that you had seen him many times since then because you're close family friends?
The mom also may make comments like that to all sorts of girls -- it may not be ex-girlfriend specific.
Yes, I'd assume the girl knows that you guys dated, but I also imagine that it isn't an issue for her or else you wouldn't have been invited.