I need a hug

[tarheels]

AF has arrived. On 9DPO. I started spotting on 7DPO. I wish it was implantation bleeding, but Google Sayeth that implantation bleeding cannot: be clots, come with cramps, or have much volume at all. All of which describe me.

This confirms what I suspected last month: I have a short luteal phase. Really short. Last month I started spotting at 6DPO and went on bleeding/spotting for 11 days. Anyone have a short LP? Google Sayeth vitamin B6, progesterone creams, and Clomid. In other words, medical intervention. Swell.

Yall, the hardest part, and the reason I've shut myself up at home, closed the blinds, and curled up on the couch with a blanket to cry is that I know I was pregnant. With every fiber of my being I know I was. I felt different last week than I have in my entire life. My uterus felt heavy, full and achy; sore nipples; bloating (I had to change pants in the middle of the day!); nausea; dizziness. Then this Friday, the day I started spotting, nothing. All the symptoms disappeared. I swear, you might think I'm crazy, but I've never had any of those feelings ever before. (And Google Sayeth some women do just "know.")

And OMG, hope is so cruel. Every time I get a cramp, a little voice pipes up with, "it could be the uterus stretching!" And "who knows, maybe tomorrow morning the test will be positive with more concentrated urine and this really isn't AF." I want to bitchslap that voice. :@ Because we have to stop TTCing now. This fall was kind of a test run. Because I'm in school, I have to have a summer baby. And the way my cycle was this month, I likely won't O again in time to have a baby born soon enough before the start of the school year to give us a few weeks to adjust. We can try again this time next year.

I didn't realize how bad this would hurt. I thought I'd just roll with it, be very pragmatic about it. If being pragmatic has a new definition of crying while watching chick flicks in the dark, then yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Maybe you veterans think I'm nutso, but I hope not

[littlemisschatty]

(hug)

I am so sorry

[thoseareradishes]

Sorry Tarheels . Are you going to keep charting to see if your LP works itself into being longer?

[tarheels]

Yes, definitely. You need that proof when you go to a doctor, ya know? Otherwise they just write you off.

[tarheels]

Btw, anyone know if it's pronounced lu-tee-ul or lu-teal?

[bleubook]

I'm really sorry.
I just want to say you aren't alone.
I don't talk about it much but I'm having my own hard time. I'm really sorry you are going through this emotional roller coaster. I hope it gets better.

[KaraOrNot]

Hugs. I just said this in another post, but TTC is such a mind fuck and it sucks. Hugs again.

PS. I think it is lu-tee-ul

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/luteal

[winecheery]

Tar i forget how many cycles had you been trying and how long were you off some form of bcp at this point??

It's hard to go through the first round, IMO. I am on cycle 3 now, and when I got AF this past cycle, I was non-plussed. Cycle 1?? I was a wreck. I sobbed. I felt like a failure. I'm pretty sure a tiny bit of me will feel like a failure every month until I get a bfp, but at the same time, it's still early yet, and I have no real reason to suspect troubles.

Even if you have a short LP, it really is a much easier fix than you think!!! A lot of women just need to take a certain vitamin, or use progesterone cream, and voila, problem fixed. Much easier than endo or similar.

I totally have to tell myself rationales like this. It sucks you have to wait to continue ttc, but deep breaths...it's going to be ok! ({) (})

[countthestars]

Hugs girl

[sunflower22]

Oct 14, 2012 21:22:21 GMT -5 winecheery said:

It's hard to go through the first round, IMO. I am on cycle 3 now, and when I got AF this past cycle, I was non-plussed. Cycle 1?? I was a wreck. I sobbed. I felt like a failure. I'm pretty sure a tiny bit of me will feel like a failure every month until I get a bfp, but at the same time, it's still early yet, and I have no real reason to suspect troubles.

Even if you have a short LP, it really is a much easier fix than you think!!! A lot of women just need to take a certain vitamin, or use progesterone cream, and voila, problem fixed. Much easier than endo or similar.

Having "troubles"/aka taking longer than 5 min to get pregnant has nothing to do with being a "failure". And yes, she's so lucky she doesn't have endo bc that would just be the end of the world worst situation.

[sunflower22]

And tarheels, I'm sorry you got your hopes up this cycle, its the worst feeling in the world. Hugs to you and good luck next month!!

[bree425]

Big hugs! I have been there and know how it feels. Try and think positive!

[Cheesecake]

You're not a failure, this whole TTC thing sucks. Keep charting for a little longer, then go to the doctor and get yourself figured out before you start trying again.

How many more years do you have in school? After that you can try full time, right??

Also, I've heard it lu-tea-al and lu-tjul, never lu-teal, but honestly I don't know what's correct.

Sent from my phone, please disregard typos

[potatopie]

Oct 14, 2012 20:23:19 GMT -5 KaraOrNot said:

Hugs. I just said this in another post, but TTC is such a mind fuck and it sucks. Hugs again.

Seriously.

FFC: Last cycle, I started talking to my uterus because I was convinced I was pg. Total mind fuck.

[HoneySpider]

::HUGS::

I took B6 for a while to lengthen my LP and I think that it did even if only by a day or so (I honestly don't remember, sorry) It doesn't hurt to try.

[awick14]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I'm a newbie at TTC but I have a few questions for you.

1.Are you going back on BC during this winter/spring until you start trying again?

I've been off BC for a year an a half an I still am irregular for me. (Cycles are now 45-50 days when on BC they were 28 days)

2. Are you going to keep tracking your luteal phase an such while not trying?

That may help, maybe you can take this to your doc and he can help get your luteal phase to be slightly longer.

Edit: sorry I just read the other posts an noticed that you answered my second question already!

[blindyswife]

({) tarheels (})
TTC totally sucks sometimes. Do you absolutely, without a doubt, no choice about it, have to put off ttc for school? Cause I'm reckless and would just say "fuck it" and keep ttc anyway. But I don't know the details of your situation so maybe that's not possible.

In any case, I'm sorry and I wish you the best of luck.

[mrssandro]

I am so sorry.

[tarheels]

Ladies, thanks for all the hugs! You've all made me feel so much better. ({) (})

With more googling (seriously, I think there's one server at google HQ dedicated to my craziness right now), I found that progesterone symptoms can mimic pg symptoms exactly. Thinking that that's what I felt last week instead of thinking that I had conceived but didn't have a nest for the little egg makes this is SO MUCH better. I'm sure I noticed all the symptoms because I wanted to so badly, ya know?

I have one more year in school. It's not normal school - if it were, I would say screw it and go for it anyways. The last year is an incredibly intense year - people go a little crazy. If I had been ready, this current year would have been perfect because things are pretty chill, but we just weren't there yet. The last year of school is perfect for having a baby, though, aside from the mental stress, because classes are taught at night for only a few weeks, then you're off until finals. How great for staying home with baby! So, ok, we start next fall again for a summer 2014 baby, but then I'm gambling with my career - the career I've worked years for - because I'll be a new grad and need to put in long hours to prove myself and then, goodbye, maternity leave. Siiiigh.

I'm definitely staying off BC so I can accurately chart and really get to know my body. I'll try the B6 and progesterone creams and watch their effect on my LP. Thankfully, I'm positive I'm Oing - clear temp spike, clear O pain, obvious EWCM. So that's a blessing I'll count and be thankful for.

[winecheery]

Oct 14, 2012 21:42:22 GMT -5 sunflower22 said:

Oct 14, 2012 21:22:21 GMT -5 winecheery said:

It's hard to go through the first round, IMO. I am on cycle 3 now, and when I got AF this past cycle, I was non-plussed. Cycle 1?? I was a wreck. I sobbed. I felt like a failure. I'm pretty sure a tiny bit of me will feel like a failure every month until I get a bfp, but at the same time, it's still early yet, and I have no real reason to suspect troubles.

Even if you have a short LP, it really is a much easier fix than you think!!! A lot of women just need to take a certain vitamin, or use progesterone cream, and voila, problem fixed. Much easier than endo or similar.

Having "troubles"/aka taking longer than 5 min to get pregnant has nothing to do with being a "failure". And yes, she's so lucky she doesn't have endo bc that would just be the end of the world worst situation.

Sun, I am not saying that I have troubles, or she has troubles or anyone trying only "5 mins," as you put it, has troubles. I was just trying to help Tar feel better by sharing my own mental nonsense when I went through essentially what she felt her last cycle. And how I feel in general. I was trying to empathize.

I'm not (nor would I ever) attempt to diminish the genuine struggles of some of the ladies on this board. However, I don't think that means that people who don't have obstacles such as endo, or low motility, or whatever the issue, don't deserve the same comfort when they don't get pregnant in any given cycle.

Just trying to clarify, since I felt like once again, I must've said something unclear. I seem to be forever saying things to offend people around here...

[Deleted]

Hugs, Tarheels. Getting AF always sucks -- its probably one of the few emotions that we all experience in this journey. Try not to let it get you down too much. Really it's a sign that, even though you're not pregnant, your body is doing what it is supposed to do, what it was DESIGNED to do. It doesn't make it suck any less though. I think it's worth it to try the B6 and progesterone cream and see how it goes. The last few cycles my LP has been on the short side as well (7-8 days) so I'll try those too:-)

Wine, I understood exactly what you were trying to say. I don't think you offend people:-)

[tarheels]

I've done more googling (like I said, my own server ) and I've ordered Pro-Gest and B vitamins because they really do sound promising. There's a chance I might O in time to give this one last shot. FX. I'll keep everyone updated if they work for me.

Wine, your encouragement was really comforting to me as you intended it to be

[sunflower22]

I didn't say you shouldn't comfort tarheels, or that she wasn't worthy of it. Of course she is. I just think your comparison of "at least its prob easier than endo!!" stung a little when I read it.

[winecheery]

Oct 15, 2012 14:57:40 GMT -5 sunflower22 said:

I didn't say you shouldn't comfort tarheels, or that she wasn't worthy of it. Of course she is. I just think your comparison of "at least its prob easier than endo!!" stung a little when I read it.

Well, it wasn't followed by exclamation points as if I were saying it all flippantly. I was saying that what she's feeling, (or how about I speak for myself) what I'm feeling, experiencing, isn't nearly as hard as going thru endo, or similar.

I fully appreciate that I have zero clue how hard your journey, or other people's may be. But it does seem like you are stung by being on the defensive a bit. And since you, and possibly others out there, didn't take my words as I meant them, I just wanted to make it clearer.

I know cannot control people's reactions to what I say. But I want to be sure that my initial point was conveyed better so that when someone does have a reaction, it's not for a lack of my making my intentions clear at least.

[thoseareradishes]

If I was in a situation where I felt my LP was too short, I would talk to a doctor before trying to self-medicate. Just because vitamins are "natural" doesn't mean they are safe in every case and every dosage.

[Bumblebee]

::Big hugs::

I hope that your O cooperates.

[Deleted]

I'm pretty sure that wine just meant that we each have our own set of struggles in life (not just in TTC, but in life in general), and sometimes we need to be thankful for what we have because it keeps everything in perspective.

[jewel]

I feel your pain, and it definitely sucks. That first month is probably the hardest. Even at a year now, I was probably more upset after the first dud cycle. The disappointment does get easier

For me, TTC is a serious mindfuck, and is a never-ending cycle of obsession over everything TTC-related. Don't ever feel like you are alone in those thoughts.

[thatgirl2478]

this sucks!

((hug))