Need SO help for my mom

[achase123]

My mom will be filing for divorce sometime this week. Her and my dad have been legally separated for about a month now. Without getting into all of the reasons "why" I need SO advice for her. She's having a really hard time. They've been married 35 years. I want to do something nice for her, to let her know that it DOES get better. Sometimes I feel like I'm so far removed from my situation (AND so much happier now) that it makes me less sensitive than I should be for people who are at the beginning of the process.

So basically what I need is ideas for how to talk to her, cheer her up without being insensitive, and also ideas for something nice to do for her that isn't too expensive (I'm on a budget).

Thoughts ladies?

[starryfish]

What about taking her for a pedicure?

[achase123]

May 21, 2012 11:28:53 GMT -5 starryfish said:

What about taking her for a pedicure?

That's a good idea. I was going to suggest that we go see my aunt this weekend. She does better when she goes out of town because it takes her mind off of things. There's a nice pedi place there too.

[starryfish]

May 21, 2012 11:31:39 GMT -5 achase123 said:

May 21, 2012 11:28:53 GMT -5 starryfish said:

What about taking her for a pedicure?

That's a good idea. I was going to suggest that we go see my aunt this weekend. She does better when she goes out of town because it takes her mind off of things. There's a nice pedi place there too.

That sounds good. I think keeping her busy and out of the house will be helpful.

[achase123]

I also found this book which sounds good:

www.amazon.com/Hes-History-Youre-Not-Surviving/dp/0762751355/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1337618099&sr=8-3

[incognitotoday]

A -

Your mom is very fortunate to have you in her life! I know your divorces are worlds apart, however, you have been through this life changing ordeal, and it is great that she has you for support.

I, too, feel I am removed from a lot of this, so I don't have any advice, other that remembering it was always great to have that one "go to" person, to just listen and be there for me.

I know your mom knows that you will be there, but may be just reminding her - regardless of the day/time, if she needs you to listen and be there, you will be (even with P).

Even having her over for a meal, and wine, and just "hang out" with nonsense girl talk, may just be what she'll need!

I am sorry she is going through this after 35 yrs of marriage.

Hugs!

[turtle1120]

I agree with Crazyincidents. Just be there for her. Even if it's just having her come over to your house to hang out. Even if it's just to have dinner, or watch TV and have wine. When things were rough, I really didn't like being alone and felt so much better if someone else was with me...even if we weren't really talking.

I think going for a pedi and going to hang out with your Aunt sounds like a great idea too.

Hugs to you and your mom!

[gozf]

You're such a sweetheart. Your mom is lucky to have you for a daughter.

[achase123]

Thanks ladies! Lots of great suggestions. I agree about not being alone. I wanted to be around people, especially at first. Eating alone sucked the most it seemed. She and I eat dinner most nights during the week so that helps.

[heavenly]

Wow! 35 years is a very long time and I can't imagine the fear of SO after being married that long.

She is lucky to have you. Pedicure sounds very nice. Maybe inspire some hobbies for her to get started on to keep her busy?

[doriswe]

Is she involved in church or anything? I know there is a women's group (church based) around here that meets every other week and they really are great supports for each other dealing with stuff like this.

[achase123]

May 21, 2012 14:21:49 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Is she involved in church or anything? I know there is a women's group (church based) around here that meets every other week and they really are great supports for each other dealing with stuff like this.

This definitely rang a bell. I have the phone number for a local divorce support group that I can give her if she wants.

I also like the encouraging hobbies thing. I think it would be fun for her and I to take a cooking or wine tasting class. I'm going to look into it!

[blackkitty]

I think definitely being there for her is probably the best thing you can do.
I remember feeling very alone, not lonely even but more alone. Like there was no one in the world that I could count on. It was hard though because we had just moved to the area. Your mom is lucky to have you!

I second the support group thing, I did that and made a lot of good friends. That helps too.. to have other single friends to do things with.

[audg]

Aw your poor mom, that is sad... but like the others said you are a very sweet daughter to want to help her through it. I can't even imagine how devastating divorce would be after 35 yrs of marriage.. that has got to be tougher than any of us can even imagine. I think just keeping her company and keeping her busy are the best things you can do for her at this point. And even if it's just making her get out to a store with you and your lil one.. it always helps me when my friends make me get out of the hosue with them. But again, I was only with my X for 14 yrs total.. 35 is a whole other ballgame.

[riverpestie]

My Mom was married for 32 years and when she and my Dad separated, I was 7. I remember she went to a church group and kept herself really busy.

I am sorry for your Mom. :::HUGS:::

[achase123]

May 21, 2012 15:30:43 GMT -5 riverpestie said:

My Mom was married for 32 years and when she and my Dad separated, I was 7. I remember she went to a church group and kept herself really busy.

I am sorry for your Mom. :::HUGS:::

Thanks River! You'd think that it would get easier for me to deal with since I'm older but it's pretty sad to think about all the way around. I think the main thing is she gets into counseling and learns to love herself again!

[angieawesome]

I'm sorry. I also like the idea of taking her for a pedicure and just being available to her if she needs hugs and support. I think counseling is a great idea for her.