I've never been on a date and am now lost

[annael415]

DH and I have been separated for a few months, and while not looking for any type of relationship, I've realized I have never been on a date. We had been together off and on since high school and every other person I've been with, there wasn't really a dating phase. I think my biggest problem is not realizing where to even begin.

So, there's this guy. I'm thinking the answer to this mini rant/vent/not sure what to call it, is that he's just not that into me, but I'm still lost and want to talk about it.

I bartend on the weekends, he comes in most every Friday night during dinner and we talk. This has been going on for a few months now. Started out very casual, but the last few weeks we'll have an hour or so conversation when the bar is slow. He remembers stuff about me (but not creepy) and lots of flirting back and forth.

Three weeks ago he gave me his number and asked is I wanted to grab a drink that Sunday night. I said here is my number instead, cause I didn't want to be the one who called. There was a little bit of discussion back and forth, but I thought I saw him take the paper before he left.

He didn't call. Fine, not a big deal, but he still comes in and talks to me the same as before. Sunday we ended up talking for an hour after I got done with my shift, and its the same flirting. Neither of us has brought us the failed number exchange.

What would you do? Forget about him, just make it not awkward when I see him. Mention something to him, or something else I'm not thinking of? I'm so confused.

[gozf]

If you want to see him outside of work, bring it up. If you're not actually interested, dont.

[doriswe]

I'm gonna be honest....I would have absolutely no interest in dating a dude who spends every Friday night in a bar. I realize that's not your question though!

I'd let it go....you made it clear you wanted him to contact you, he didn't.

[annael415]

Oct 16, 2012 8:16:20 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I'm gonna be honest....I would have absolutely no interest in dating a dude who spends every Friday night in a bar. I realize that's not your question though!

I'd let it go....you made it clear you wanted him to contact you, he didn't.

Very good point. Its not totally like that. He is in town to take care of his sick mother, and comes in to get out of the house for a bit. (I realize this is me justifying things.)

Thanks, I just needed to hear it.

[doriswe]

Oct 16, 2012 8:20:00 GMT -5 annael415 said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:16:20 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I'm gonna be honest....I would have absolutely no interest in dating a dude who spends every Friday night in a bar. I realize that's not your question though!

I'd let it go....you made it clear you wanted him to contact you, he didn't.

Very good point. Its not totally like that. He is in town to take care of his sick mother, and comes in to get out of the house for a bit. (I realize this is me justifying things.)

Thanks, I just needed to hear it.

When I need to get out of the house, I have lots of options, not just the bar. Just sayin'

[doriswe]

Oct 16, 2012 8:23:35 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:21:00 GMT -5 doriswe said:

When I need to get out of the house, I have lots of options, not just the bar. Just sayin'

Playing devil's advocate. When I go out alone, I always sit at the bar. My local watering hole is a place I rarely sit and drink at but more of a place where I sit at the bar, eat dinner with a glass of wine and talk to people/bartenders when I'm alone.

But do you go EVERY Friday?
Please note, it's rare that I go out....so I could be totally off base here!

[annael415]

Oct 16, 2012 8:23:35 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:21:00 GMT -5 doriswe said:

When I need to get out of the house, I have lots of options, not just the bar. Just sayin'

Playing devil's advocate. When I go out alone, I always sit at the bar. My local watering hole is a place I rarely sit and drink at but more of a place where I sit at the bar, eat dinner with a glass of wine and talk to people/bartenders when I'm alone.

I think is more of this. The place is a family restaurant where there happens to be the only bar in town (upscale tourist town). Hes usually watching the yankees, eating dinner, talking to people, etc...Not drinking heavily.

And now I need to stop justifying this, I don't actually care that much.

He also isn't always alone, sometimes with friends.

[gozf]

Oct 16, 2012 8:25:16 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:23:35 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Playing devil's advocate. When I go out alone, I always sit at the bar. My local watering hole is a place I rarely sit and drink at but more of a place where I sit at the bar, eat dinner with a glass of wine and talk to people/bartenders when I'm alone.

But do you go EVERY Friday?
Please note, it's rare that I go out....so I could be totally off base here!

I used to go out SO MUCH. You know why? I was creeping on the bartender. So plopped my fine ass in front of him as much as possible.

Now we live together. Just sayin'.

[baa1981]

Oct 16, 2012 8:28:36 GMT -5 gozf said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:25:16 GMT -5 doriswe said:

But do you go EVERY Friday?
Please note, it's rare that I go out....so I could be totally off base here!

I used to go out SO MUCH. You know why? I was creeping on the bartender. So plopped my fine ass in front of him as much as possible.

Now we live together. Just sayin'.

:Y:

I was a regular at a bar for a while. For me it wasn't so much the drinking but the socializing. Yeah I usually had a beer or two (and one some occasions many more), but it got me out of the house and I met some good friends that I ended up having other things than this bar in common with. I don't think you are justifying his being there at all. If you're into him, make a move!

[doriswe]

Oct 16, 2012 8:28:36 GMT -5 gozf said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:25:16 GMT -5 doriswe said:

But do you go EVERY Friday?
Please note, it's rare that I go out....so I could be totally off base here!

I used to go out SO MUCH. You know why? I was creeping on the bartender. So plopped my fine ass in front of him as much as possible.

Now we live together. Just sayin'.

Point taken!!

These damn kids prevent me from creeping on bartenders regularly!!

[gozf]

And let's remember that he tried to give you HIS number first but you wouldn't take it, b/c you didn't want to be the one to call.

What the shit was that about??? Why would you do that??

He probably thought you weren't interested after that and got gun-shy.

[annael415]

Oct 16, 2012 8:37:14 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:35:37 GMT -5 baa1981 said:

I was a regular at a bar for a while. For me it wasn't so much the drinking but the socializing. Yeah I usually had a beer or two (and one some occasions many more), but it got me out of the house and I met some good friends that I ended up having other things than this bar in common with. I don't think you are justifying his being there at all. If you're into him, make a move!

Agreed! Maybe he comes in so much because you're there!

It would be fun to think that. Guess I'll see what happens this week. The number thing is just the really weird part. Maybe find a way to casually bring it up? I am horrible at this stuff!

[annael415]

Oct 16, 2012 8:39:32 GMT -5 gozf said:

And let's remember that he tried to give you HIS number first but you wouldn't take it, b/c you didn't want to be the one to call.

What the shit was that about??? Why would you do that??

He probably thought you weren't interested after that and got gun-shy.

I know, I chickened out. I should have taken it, and just called. Seriously, never been on a date here. The extent of my dating experience is a FWB that I see like once a month when he's in town.

[gozf]

Oct 16, 2012 8:41:53 GMT -5 annael415 said:

Oct 16, 2012 8:39:32 GMT -5 gozf said:

And let's remember that he tried to give you HIS number first but you wouldn't take it, b/c you didn't want to be the one to call.

What the shit was that about??? Why would you do that??

He probably thought you weren't interested after that and got gun-shy.

I know, I chickened out. I should have taken it, and just called. Seriously, never been on a date here. The extent of my dating experience is a FWB that I see like once a month when he's in town.

Well, knock it off! The next time he's in, if the vibe's still good, ask if he's still up for getting together.

[doriswe]

Oct 16, 2012 8:46:55 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Why not just tell him the truth? If you talk so much just tell him, "I chickened out on taking your number because I haven't been on a date in a while. I like seeing you come in and talking to you. Maybe one day we can talk and hang out outside of this bar/restaurant?"

:Y: :Y:

[Bernadine]

YES, he's probably coming in all the time to see you! Ask him out!

[fairydust]

I would definitely say something if you're interested in him. You have nothing to lose. Could be as simple as, "We never did get that drink together. We should do that."

[annael415]

Thanks! I'll build the courage to say something. Of course, with my luck this will be a week that he doesn't come in.

[fairydust]

Meh, it is what it is. Hopefully you'll see him but if not, oh well. Let us know what happens. I'm living vicariously through everyone else here.