Discuss: TTC at age 50

[tarheels]

I know this couple IRL and to say that they've caused a ripple with the news that they're expecting twins is an understatement. Curious to hear outsiders' opinions. There was a 2 hour debate about them this weekend over dinner. (They weren't present, obv.)

They're 50 and have a 9 yo and a 7 yo already. They were actively trying to get pregnant again. Both of her other pregnancies were complicated (of course - she was over 40). Twins run in her family, so these twins were conceived without assistance so far as we know (and they couldn't afford help anyway). Her second child was a twin but one died in utero. They had said they were a two and done family, but apparently decided they wanted another recently.

She is a public school teacher and earns about $50k. He's a self-employed tradesman with very irregular income. They're in pretty bad financial shape due to external factors. They live hours away from family who could help with the kids.

WDYT? No big deal? Nobody's business but theirs? Irresponsible to risk birth defects at that maternal age? Irresponsible to TTC in bad financial shape? Not a great idea to try to raise teens in your 60s? Discuss.

I'll only say that I find it curious that they chose to announce at 7 weeks. That seems way too early IMO given the multitude of risks that I'd want to weather privately.

I may DD later.

[FastHands]

Meh. Their life, who cares.

[HoneySpider]

Well, the answer is definitely "it's nobody's business but theirs" but that doesn't mean we can still give our 2 cents

I think more than anything it's the age and the previous complicated pregnancies that gives me pause. I mean, if that were me even if I wanted more children I would have to be happy with those I have and not risk any health issues for mom or baby (babies in this case).

[winecheery]

Yeaaahhhh I personally would not want a baby at 50.

50 is young by today's standards, but I think that it's totally irresponsible to go into a situation that can/will have complications (I mean, one of the twins from the previous pregnancy already died in utero, which I get can happen to anyone anywhere, but I'd bet age was at least a factor in her case)

The whole thing sounds not so great to me.

I think I'd feel differently if it was their first child and they'd been trying forever, and they were 50. Which is stupid because the same risks apply health wise, presumably, in this person's case.

[Deleted]

I agree that it's nobody's business but theirs. As for their financial state, that's for them to decide. If they feel they can get by, then I would trust that they have that covered, or have a plan, or will make ends meet. I don't judge based n their finances AT ALL. As for her health, it's really hard to say without more information (which, of course, is none of my business anyway)....but if their doctor gave them the all-clear, then I don't see a problem with it at all. If they went against doctor's recommendations, then I hope they are emotionally prepared to deal with the possible consequences (miscarriage, still-birth, birth defects, etc).

[thatgirl2478]

I feel 'old' at 34 ... so I personally can't imagine ttc at 50. But if they are cool with it, then yay for them?

[sunflower22]

My opinion is yes, 50 is too old to have a baby. But its her body, her choice! I hope everything goes well for them.

[thoseareradishes]

I feel for the kids. When they graduate from college, the parents will be in their early seventies. That just seems like a bummer for the kids; seems hard enough to keep up with kids when you are young, I can't imagine what it is like as you get older.

[Deleted]

The only problem I have with this is that at that advanced age, obviously death is closer. Hate to sound so morbid, but average life expectancy is about 78 and there are many times when the children end up being caretakers.

Obviously death can happen at any time and to the young, but this type of responsibility, including taking care of aging parents is unnecessary. At 20 something, I'm sure these adult children aren't ready to care for aging parents. I think parents are being selfish wanting a child for their own fulfillment and not thinking about the future of what's going to happen to their children after they pass or when they age.

I am 31 and cannot imagine losing my parents. I've known people who lose parents at a very young age and it hurts. I just don't think it's responsible to bring a child into the world at the advanced age.

[sillygoosegirl]

Are you sure it was on purpose? By 50, I thought most women didn't have to actively avoid anymore.

I think it is kind of insane, but then my sister is trying to adopt at age 46, and she doesn't seem that crazy to me. Granted, she's been trying to have this one for about 6 years now (still birth, then lots of failed fertility treatments, then started the adoption process almost 2 years ago), which impacts my perceptions somewhat. And hers too, probably. At what birthday do you suddenly put on the breaks on something you want that badly and have been trying for that long, just because you hid some magic age and are now too old? Easy to judge if you aren't in that position, but I think it's different when it's your own family.

Also, $50K doesn't seem like much to most people here, but half of all HOUSEHOLDS in America make less than that, and even if her husbands income is irregular, something is a lot better than nothing. There are tons of people getting by on that kind of money, even with kids.