Officer Spouse Clubs?

[pennylane]

I want to pick your brains... do your units/squadrons/etc have Officer Spouse Clubs in addition to the FRG?

If so, what's your experience been? What kind of events do they have?

This is stemming from a conversation I was a part of this evening- apparently our OSC does not function like the majority so I thought I would ask about the normal experience/expectations.

[basilosaurus]

The last time I was near an active one, it was almost 100% pilot wives. Who, yeah, didn't associate with the others. I briefly was considered worthy b/c H is technically a pilot, but that didn't last long since he's basically a permanent DNIF.

Also, they had a weekly lactation support group. I'm all about that, but it doesn't have anything to do with me.

[meltoine]

Does the AF have FRGs? I've never heard anything about one at any of our bases. OSC, yes. We have those.

[basilosaurus]

No FRG in the air force. I was responding about an analogous situation.

[kpol]

At our last unit we had the unit FRG and also had our "Coffee Group" which was for officer spouses only.

Someone in the group would host an event once a month and we usually just drank wine and ate food. We did other things like ornament exchanges, mani/pedi night out, paint your own pottery shop, etc. I liked it.

[piper84]

This might be a TOTAL newbie question... but as a future pilot's wife, I have some questions!

What do you guys mean that the pilots' wives hang out together? They aren't friends with anyone else? Also, in all the different forums and information online that I've been reading, it seems like spouses tend to stick together -- officer spouses only hang out with other officer spouses, a lot has to do with rank, etc.

Please help guide me. None of this makes sense What does your H's rank / position have to do with who you're friends with?

[basilosaurus]

OK, there are rank rules which are more official, then there are cliques, which aren't.

As a spouse, rank rules don't apply to you, but since you probably mostly socialize as a couple, it can get sticky. My closest friends in Japan were young enlisted spouses. H was cool with them, but if their husbands were along, it was iffy and uncomfortable, for people on both ends (H hates being called sir in a social environment). I was once turned away from the e-club with my friends b/c of H's officer rank, so it can be enforced on spouses, too.

Generally, the acceptable socializing (of active duty) is one rank above or below, but that's not a hard and fast rule. In some locations, it was more that CGOs (O1-O3) were treated as one group, separate from FGOs.

Then, you get into the pilot stuff. When H was flying, he was in a community that didn't really have an ego about being pilots. Fliers hung together, but that included pilots, navs, ewos, etc. It was pretty diverse.

However, when we were at a fighter base, those pilots and spouses only socialized with each other. Given my first military experience was more, um, equitable, I was really surprised at the cliques, but I found them conforming to the stereotypes I'd never even heard of at the time. There was a really distinct separation in that community between pilot CGOs and support CGOs. Even when H had been in UPT with one of the pilots, and we were friendly/sociable with a few others, the communities were segregated.

You'll find that there are not so kind stereotypes of fighter pilots (how do you know when you've met one? He'll tell you). I can't say my experience has disproved those stereotypes, although a few individuals certainly have.

You're nowhere near the airframe decision yet, but the community is something that people consider, along with the type of missions. H chose heavies largely because of the community and its reputation. I just mention that for you to file away for later. And I'm sure I'll be flamed for my not so positive views of fighters

[meltoine]

During UPT, the spouses of the other guys in H's class only hung out with each other. I don't know why. MH was given a job in finance after we arrived to fill the time before training started. We mostly hung out with those people the whole time because they were cooler than the other UPT guys, who were all fresh out of college and acted really, really young. MH has been in 5-6 years longer than they have and we're a fair bit older. Also, since we lived off base, we spent a lot of time with our (civilian) neighbors.

[piper84]

Pennylane, sorry! I didn't mean to hijack your post!

Thanks for all the info, ladies. Sooo much for me to learn!

[piper84]

Oct 16, 2012 22:06:54 GMT -5 Stan said:

I don't know if that's because I'm uncool or not

Never. I think you're one cool cat haha

[amaristella]

I think that things are a little different from the norm where I'm at. Submarines have such a small crew and there are only 13ish officers at any given time, so it's really hard to be too terribly exclusive or have association rules based (husband's) on rank. The officer wives do not have a club, per se, but we do have little events once or twice a year to say hi and bye to each other, just us chickens. It's nice because you get to at least know who the other women are and if you hit it off with someone then great! You've made a new friend.

So other than individual friendships we mainly just see each other at those meet and greets and the events that are for both men and women like hail and farewells, wetting downs, etc.

Edit: Actually, I take it back. I have been invited to an actual club that's geared towards officer's wives but I've never gone to any of their events and the people I know who have gone have given it mixed reviews. The people that I'm closest with have found that it's not their particular cup of tea.

[pennylane]

Piper, I don't care about hijacking!

Anyways, I said FRG because that's what my experience is with, I know it isn't the same across the board.

I've been going to OSC events for about a year, because until recently there was only the Officer's Spouse Club and an Enlisted Spouse Group... now they have added a FRG for everyone, gotten rid of the ESG and kept the OSC. Last night we were doing a service project and they were discussing how apparently our OSC does not do things the traditional OSC way. I was curious about what the heck that would be.

I'm not surprised about the mix reviews or experiences with people being snotty- I know some of those spouses. I wish it wasn't that way.

[meltoine]

Ditto Sibil on the heavies/fighters dilineation. There are certainly individual pilots who are great people, but the general mentality of the fighters leaves something to be desired.

MH recently went to SERE (a training school) and his class included one pilot from his UPT class. One night they were all out drinking and this guy said to MH "I dont even know why I'm hanging out with you. I'm a fighter and you're...not." :-| and this from a 2LT to a captain.

On the other hand, there was another guy in the class who will be flying a-10s who is the nicest guy in the world, to everyone. But then again, he's prior service and was a navigator on a C-130, so he spent 4 years on a heavy aircrew.

[pennylane]

With discussion to pilot personalities and such... my H went to flight school with a bunch of guys he was really good friends with during ROTC. It's been interesting to see how their personalities have changed based on which type of aircraft they are now flying... there are remarkable differences when it comes to ego/level of assholery amongst the different communities.

[piper84]

That is so crazy about the fighter pilots... that is what H wants to be but I cannot imagine him acting that way. EVER. He is so modest, so kind, I've never even heard him yell. He is such a nice guy and his big heart is what is most attractive to me. Being married to an asshole would definitely not fly for me... see what I did there? "Fly"... haha. Okay, bad joke
It'll definitely be interesting which path he ends up taking and what type of personalities we encounter in the process. Yuck. I can't believe some of the stories I'm hearing. That is a disgusting attitude to have!

[basilosaurus]

piper, flying fighters won't change who your partner is. If he's a good guy, he'll stay a good guy. I do know one pilot who was still awesome and completely unchanged, at least during the time I knew him as a captain. But, he'll still be in that community, and I'm sure some aspects will rub off, even if just superficially.

On a positive note, having a built in clique can help with your transitions. It was amazing to see a pilot's wife who arrived in Japan the same time I did. We were good friends at the beginning, after meeting in orientation, and hung out a lot in the first couple months. But she was quickly absorbed by the pilot wives (we had no female pilots at that time) and then disengaged from me. I'm sure it helped that all the pilots lived in the same neighborhood: they'd reserve an open house for the incoming pilots so as to not let their community become mixed. I'm not being snide when I say it was positive for her that she had a community ready to absorb her and help her out. But, form the outside, it looks kinda shitty.

[cizzle]

All the battalions my husband has been in have had a Coffee Group. Some include senior NCO spouses, some don't. I usually really like the Coffee Group and skip the FRG. All Coffee Groups are different, but usually its someone's house and we eat, drink wine, and sometimes play games.