Upset and need perspective ( i guess)

[greekypie]

Oh hon, I'm sorry for your loss.

If I were you I'd just say "I will have another when it is the right time for my family. " people can STFU. My son is almost 3 and I only JUST started warming up to the idea of another, and of course people still ask.

It is YOUR family. And maybe your loss is clouding your judgement; that is normal! It doesnt mean you should TTC before you are legitimately ready. It is YOUR life. And if you end up with a big break between kids 1 and 2, if there is a kid 2, that will be ok. It really will.

[thegooser]

How old are you? Plenty of people wait until their first is 3-4 before having a second kid. You likely don't need to decide today. And if you're not in a good place emotionally, now is definitely not the right time. If that means you don't have a second, that's ok. Get yourself into a good place first, then re-evaluate the kid thing.

I do want to say that if things are still this rough, you might want to consider bereavement counseling.

[Deleted]

Your friend needs to fuck off and let you grieve. FFS.

[Deleted]

I guess I'm not sure what the two have to do with each other? Other than it might be nice to emotionally deal with one for you before the next.

I actually have a couple of friends who have kids 4-5 years apart which has worked well for them. I don't see any rush, assuming your age or health may not be a concern?

Take your time. Nothing you mentioned indicates there is a rush. If you feel it's helpful, see a therapist to talk it through. I have been so tremendously helped by mine and enjoy seeing him for a few visits when issues arrive, but I know not everyone feels that help.

[wanderlustmom]

I am so sorry about your loss. I agree with the other posters, you don't owe explanations to anyone. Your decision. My sister and I are four years apart and we are best friends. And she's planning just one child. You do what is right for you and realize that anyone who has a strong opinion and tries to force it on you has his or her own issues.

[dexteroni]

I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad a few years ago and I can't imagine making such a big decision only a few months afterward. I wasn't myself for at least 6 months and honestly probably a full year.

Well-meaning friends can ask dumb questions at times like this. If they're well-meaning friends, they'll know that you know what's best for your family and will offer support. Anyone who tells you to forget about your loss and to shit or get off the pot is a shitty friend and needs to go to hell.

If you want to have a second LO, you'll know when the time is right. The thought of having a second won't seem so unthinkable and you'll start to think more about how much your mom's love and influence will always be with you than about how she's gone. That's when you'll know you're getting closer to being ready. Until then, just hang in there. ((((hugs))))

[missajane]

Well what worked with my inlaws was to let them know that when we started having unprotected sex I would make sure they were the first ones to know how it was.

I think I actually phrased it "Well when I have the doctors remove the IUD and your sons sperm can freely swim around to find my egg, I will let you know how it goes." MIL turned beet red and FIL walked away. DH hugged me. I have heard nothing since.

It isn't tactful, but neither is bothering someone when they specifically ask not to talk about it.

In terms of your loss *hugs*. I am so terribly sorry. Take your time to grieve.

[Myrrhine]

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree your friends need to mind their own business.

[luvmagoldn]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You will add to your family when the time is right. Or perhaps not at all. It's no one's business.

You are young yet. You have time to make this decision at a later date.

[fbf2006]

Oct 16, 2012 21:56:17 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I would just not feel pressure to make a decision now. Your baby isn't even 2 yet. You have time. :-)

This! ((hugs))

[flatlan]

Did your mom have a strong opinion on whether you should or shouldn't have a second child?

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2012 21:57:34 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

I guess I'm not sure what the two have to do with each other?

This is where I am.

[Deleted]

They (grief books) say not to make a major decision for 12 months after a loss. Take all the time you need. Your friends need to back off and respect your grief.

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

[isabel]

So sorry for the loss of your mom. I can only imagine how hard that must be.

Just so you know, my mom had me at 30 and my sister at 35. You have plenty of time.

[dexteroni]

Oct 16, 2012 22:08:49 GMT -5 caidan said:

My mom always said since my baby has been such an easy baby to only have 1 to me. But according to some of her friends she had told them she hopes I have more then one. I do not know if that was said when she was sick or before she knew she was sick.

I get wanting to fulfill your mom's wishes. I so, so get it. But this decision shouldn't be based on what you think your mom wanted you to do. It should only be based on what you and your DH want. And again, when you realize this, you'll know you're closer to being ready. Until then, don't even worry about it.

[GailGoldie]

i got married when i was 32... had my first at 34 and my twins at 36. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with people pushing that on you?? I don';t care if someone died or not- it's NEVER ok to pressure anyone to have another child --- and THAT is what you should tell people.

[dexteroni]

Oct 16, 2012 22:12:13 GMT -5 caidan said:

maybe I am just crazy. Who knows?

This period can make you feel crazy, but everything you've said here is totally normal for someone going through the grieving process.

[flatlan]

I think you need to take care of yourself and get to a place emotionally that you can make the best decision possible for your family.