Military Divorce Question

[chia]

A friend of mine is "dating" (talking to?) a guy who is deployed to Japan. Apparently his wife is deployed to Japan, as well. I think they are both enlisted/deployed, and are stationed on the same base.

He said that he is "separated" from his wife, but they can't get a divorce because they're both in Japan - and that they won't be able to get one until they come back, 19 months from now. They have a kid together (not sure if that makes a difference), and I have no other details about their assets/relationship/etc.

Does this "I can't get a divorce" sound like a line of B.S. to you?
Also, if they're both deployed, wouldn't the military make them live in the same house?

I tried googling, but can't seem to figure it out.

[softspot]

What branch?

[amaristella]

I don't know really the answer to any of this, however there's one thing that actually does make sense to me. If they really are legally separated (pending divorce) then I can't imagine that the military would make them live together in the same house. Seems to me that part of being separated would be living in separate homes. I'm really just talking out of my ass, but that's what would make sense to me.

[chia]

Oct 19, 2012 13:28:14 GMT -5 Stan said:

Either way, I wouldn't be wasting time with someone who's out of the country for 19 months, and still married.

My thoughts exactly.
Plus, the fact that the whole thing sounds a little fishy.

[chia]

Oct 19, 2012 13:23:33 GMT -5 softspot said:

What branch?

I think it's the Navy, but not 100% sure.

[audette]

It sounds like BS to me, but there is an outside possibility it's true (maybe... I'm mostly allowing for that possibility because I don't know everything, so the possibility has to exist even if I think it's practically impossible).

More details would be helpful - where is their child, and in what branch of service do they serve?


Even if it is true, I'd still be advising a friend of mine to steer clear of a situation like this. Like Stan said, it's not exactly a great situation.

[chia]

Oct 19, 2012 13:37:17 GMT -5 audette said:

It sounds like BS to me, but there is an outside possibility it's true (maybe... I'm mostly allowing for that possibility because I don't know everything, so the possibility has to exist even if I think it's practically impossible).

More details would be helpful - where is their child, and in what branch of service do they serve?


Even if it is true, I'd still be advising a friend of mine to steer clear of a situation like this. Like Stan said, it's not exactly a great situation.

I thought their kid was in Japan, too... but, maybe not? Is that even allowed, if both are deployed?

[panicked]

Oct 19, 2012 13:38:22 GMT -5 chia said:

Oct 19, 2012 13:37:17 GMT -5 audette said:

It sounds like BS to me, but there is an outside possibility it's true (maybe... I'm mostly allowing for that possibility because I don't know everything, so the possibility has to exist even if I think it's practically impossible).

More details would be helpful - where is their child, and in what branch of service do they serve?


Even if it is true, I'd still be advising a friend of mine to steer clear of a situation like this. Like Stan said, it's not exactly a great situation.

I thought their kid was in Japan, too... but, maybe not? Is that even allowed, if both are deployed?

If they are there for 19 months, it's not a deployment. They are stationed there. They can bring their child.

[chia]

As you can tell, I know NOTHING about the military.
Thanks for your input!

[NomadicMama]

IMO, Dude gets a point for being forthcoming about being married with a child. But, IMO, your friend can find a man who is much more emotionally available and geographically desirable. Frankly, I'd rather be alone than with a guy with this much baggage.

My understanding is that truly deployed service members can proceed with a divorce if they so choose--but deployed service members can not be served with divorce paperwork unwillingly. If the Dude is stationed in Japan, I would think that there are ways to proceed with a divorce. While life abroad has some challenges, everything is not put on hold for the duration of one's orders.

[basilosaurus]

I know a couple that were stationed in Korea at different bases who managed to divorce while there with no trips back to the States. So, it's possible. But I probably wouldn't bother wasting my time with this guy. Definitely, bonus points for being upfront, as far as we know, but 19 months is a long time to be apart when you're just starting a relationship.

ojo, I know they don't officially recognize separations, but in practice I've seen it happen. There was a dual mil couple I knew that were separated and living separately. They both were dating before the divorce, so technically adultery, and were told to just basically not be public about it. Until the girlfriend ended up pregnant. Oops.

[basilosaurus]

Actually, double posting, sorry, I do have a question about the legality with kids thing.

I know in some states you have to not only be separated but living separately for a certain length of time before the divorce is granted. I want to say it's a full year for Virginia. So, if you file for divorce in a state that has such a restriction, but the military won't let you have separate housing, then what?

I know they'll approve an ERD for a pending divorce, although that would necessitate children being separated from 1 parent, but what about with dual mil?

For the couple I knew in Korea, their divorce was not final when the follow on assignments were being made. So, they'd both submitted for a join assignment, which they got. But all it took was a phone call from the guy to mention the divorce and ask for a different location, and it happened.

[Deleted]

Tell your friend to run away from this guy.

[kmmssg]

One thing that comes to my mind here is that when you go through a divorce you deal with the Friend of the Court for child support and custody issues. If both of them are in Japan, not sure how they would handle that part and how any county would have jurisdiction for this. You can transfer counties (at least here in MI) if you move and both agree to the new county calling the shots.

I hope your friend steers clear of the guy - it just isn't a good situation, but I would think there might be some validity to one of them needing to be back here in the states to put this in motion.

[Deleted]

If both parties are willing to proceed, they can get divorced. But if either servicemember says, nah, I don't wanna then the Soldiers and Sailors Act protects them under certain circumstances. This is why it took nearly 18 months for me to get divorced even though he filed. He then deployed and then he was able to let things sit in limbo (strictly out of vindictiveness) until he came stateside.

As for separated, no, they wouldn't make them live together. Before that fucker deployed, he lived in the barracks while I lived off post with no change to BAH.