Hitting the reset?

[bostonterrier]

Hi ya'll. Long time lurker, getting up some bravery to post since the big move to proboards. And a late thanks to all of you. Your support for each other, stories, experiences, etc. during my divorce was a great resource, even if I didn't feel comfortable participating.

So, there's this guy:) We've dated off and on since our respective divorces. We both agree that we're perfect on paper for each other. I love his extreme work ethic, personality, kids, family, etc. He's extremely attractive to me, and the sexual compatability is spot on. He feels the same way for me--he's found a girl who has a career, gets along with his family, adores his kids, and doesn't mind his crazy schedule, because she has her own. Oh--and Achase--he's a cowboy;)

The problem? When we started dating we were both wrapping up our divorces, not looking for anything serious. We both had some walls up. It was almost as if we never let our guards down; like it was almost a long audition where chunks of our real personalities never came through. We've reconnected after a several months' hiatus. Things have been great on a casual level for 3-4 months. Now we're kind of at that awkward "now what"? I would love for this to work between us; I believe he's of the same mindset. We're both justifiably gunshy. However, I'm not up for "forcing" anything either.

Not sure what I'm asking....thoughts on re-evaluating chemistry when life has presented a relationship with a new opportunity? Helping each other quit worrying about when the other shoe's going to drop? Tips for allowing your "true self" to shine through to someone aside from just time and developing trust?

And, yes, I've talked to my therapist. I've gotten the big "there's nothing wrong with you," just normal apprehensions that would be typical of anyone having been through a divorce.

Thanks for the ear, ladies!

[doriswe]

This concerns me "we're perfect on paper". Why did you choose that way to explain it? Anytime I've said "he's perfect on paper" means he meets my criteria but there is something missing. Is that the case?

Gunshy is understandable, but what conversations have you had about where things are going? Are you interested in seeing where it goes?

Oh, and welcome

[bostonterrier]

doriswe--

Good question! I have a tough time explaining this--it's as if we met under one circumstance (ending the divorce process); renewing things under a different set of circumstances (regaining normalcy in our lives, both being more ready for relationships). It's almost as if we're "relearning" each other? Maybe a worry that the chemistry's different? Nothing's off in a bad way--just a different energy. Although we both dated other people after our divorces, maybe it's the fear of finding a damned near perfect situation (that's what I meant by "perfect on paper"--all the ingredients are there, it's just seeing how things play out).

You're right callie--I'm thinking the answer is that we both need to stop overthinking and enjoy. Stupid brains:)

Thanks guys for the input and the welcome. I'll try not to suck back into lurkerville:)