Dealing with heavy shit and really scared.

[anlo]

Please don't quote. May delete.

I am so scared. I have an appointment with my dr. on Monday (soonest I could get in) to talk about my depression, anxiety, and current meds. I know I need to go, something has got to change. I'm at the end of my rope. But I'm terrified.

I know that she's going to want me to go back to therapy. I just don't know if I can. In the past, I've had one therapist tell me that my depressoin/anxiety had caused brain damage (wtf??), another told me when I was explaining about my son's autism "But, there's a lot they can do now, right? He might even grow out of it, you never know!" WTF lady. This was also the lady who told me that I had all the tools I needed to cope and that I didn't need to see her anymore. No big loss there anyway.

I don't think I can handle having another therapist be so dismissive of what I'm dealing with. It makes me feel like I should be able to just snap out of this and deal, which I know is bullshit, but if these are supposed to be professionals, then...what next? I wonder if talking would even really help things because it's not like my situation is going to change. My son will always have autism. I will always be dealing with the issues that come with that.

This is all over the place, I know. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't know how much longer I can hold my shit together. I have a lot of great things in my life, supportive H, understanding family, wonderful therapists and teachers for DS, but I'm just unraveling.

[amberlyrose]

No advice. Just hugs.
I'm so sorry you've had shitty therapists

[wrathofkuus]

This feeling of fear and reluctance to get help is one of the symptoms. It really stinks that your previous experience reinforced this, but therapy isn't always like that.

I obviously don't know what it's like to be you and have your life, but I will say that I had an... episode, and the symptoms were very similar to the feelings you're describing here (so similar that even reading this is striking a deep emotional chord). If you don't get help, and are able to snap out of it yourself, you'll always be on edge, living in fear that one small slip of the control you have over this is going to be the end of you. Good therapy is everything.

Sloth hug to come shortly.

[fuckyourcouch]

lots of hugs. i'm sorry you're feeling this way.

my advice is to change therapists until you find the one that you feel is addressing your needs properly. my mom recently switched therapists and it has made SUCH a difference. she didn't realize how little she was getting out of the first situation until she actually had a good session. so don't let it get you down.

[wrathofkuus]

[PinkSquirrel]

Keep looking for a therapist until you find one who takes your concerns seriously.

[gretchenindisguise]

Gah, I hate it when sucky therapists give such a bad name to therapy. I want to go kick all of those in the balls.

Do you have someone that you can get a recommendation from for a good therapist? I feel like going through the list provided by insurance can sometimes be a crapshoot.

[luckyval]

Don't give up on finding someone who can help and is willing to help

Good luck (((hug)))

[angelaa73]

Hugs. I'm so sorry Anlo.

Keep talking to us. We are here for you

[Kit]

((hugs)) I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you find someone who understands what you need and can help. And there is always us! :-)

[schwartz]

I'm sorry. I know what you mean about your circumstances not changing, and therefore feeling "what's the point?" But like others said, a good therapist really can make a world of difference. Try to get yourself there, you will find the right one I promise.

[lightbulbsun]

I'm sorry you're going through this, and that you've had shitty experiences with therapists in the past. Keep looking for one that you click with.

Good luck.

[peppermint08]

I tried the whole therapy thing and wasn't impressed so I think I know what you mean. With me, I think talking makes me feel worse. I kept hoping for a release I was told I would feel, but it never came.

Depression/anxiety is a horrible, terrible thing that many don't understand. I hate that.

:hugs:

[litebright]

Can you ask any of your son's therapists or teachers for a recommendation? My guess is that they know, either personally or through the professional grapevine, therapists who have experience helping parents/families deal.

**hugs**. Seriously. Lots of them. My DD1 has ASD, too. You run into a stunning amount of ignorance in everyday life about autism, even from pros who should know better and/or are expected to be able to help treat it (like, um, mental health professionals!).

You should feel comfortable with a therapist, not like they're belittling your very real struggles or shrugging off your child's SN. That's a huge source of lifelong stress that most people don't have, and it deserves attention and ways to help you process and deal with it.

[juliagoulia]

I'm really sorry. I hope this all gets better & you find the right person to help you be well.

[daisyheadmaizie]

I am so sorry that you are struggling. I hope that you are able to have a good appointment with your doctor and find a therapist that you really click with and can help you. ((hugs))

[bleubook]

All support here. The meds will help and I mentioned that I personally see a psychiatrist rather than a therapist and I love him. It's just like a conversation with a friend, actually a grandfather... But for me the meds do a lot of the work just keeping me balanced. The conversations just help him see for himself that I'm okay and on track... If that makes sense. I never felt I got a lot out of traditional therapy but this works for me. I believe in you and I believe you can get better.

[karmasabiotch]

A decent therapist will assist you with developing skills to help you cope with what is going on in your life. You want to look for someone who is reality based since your situation is what it is more of less. It's ok to shop around until you find the right fit. Talk with them a few minutes on the phone to see if it's even worth your time to schedule an initial appointment.

Hugs...

[anlo]

Thanks, everyone.

Can I ask a stupid question? What should helpful therapy be like? In the past, it's been me talking about why I'm anxious, what's going on in my life, etc. and then the therapist giving me a handout of breathing techniques or some such. End session. Next session, "How have you been? Have you been doing your breathing exercises?" Rinse and repeat.

How will I know when I'm getting what I need to get out of this when I'm not sure what I'm *supposed* to get out of it? I don't mean that to sound like I'm dogging on it or anything, I just honestly don't know what's supposed to happen.

[wrathofkuus]

It sounds like you were doing some sort of behavioral therapy. I'm not a big fan of that. What worked for me was psychoanalytic therapy. I would start out talking about something, and my therapist would ask questions that I wouldn't have thought to ask myself about underlying assumptions and norms that I'd taken for granted that played into what I was talking about. That got me thinking about the mechanisms behind the things that were bothering me, why they bothered me, and what seemingly unrelated things were contributing to this.

That's what it felt like at first. Over time, it felt like things became, I don't know, more separated somehow? Like, for example, an issue regarding sex that I thought I had sorted itself out into separate issues of religious ideas, feminism, the relationship itself, my relationship with my parents, all of which were easily manageable but seemed insurmountable when they were globbed into one big confusing turmoily-feeling issue. Everything in my life sorted out like sunlight passing through a prism and resolving into separate wavelengths.

[anlo]

Oct 26, 2012 16:10:19 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

It sounds like you were doing some sort of behavioral therapy. I'm not a big fan of that. What worked for me was psychoanalytic therapy. I would start out talking about something, and my therapist would ask questions that I wouldn't have thought to ask myself about underlying assumptions and norms that I'd taken for granted that played into what I was talking about. That got me thinking about the mechanisms behind the things that were bothering me, why they bothered me, and what seemingly unrelated things were contributing to this.

That's what it felt like at first. Over time, it felt like things became, I don't know, more separated somehow? Like, for example, an issue regarding sex that I thought I had sorted itself out into separate issues of religious ideas, feminism, the relationship itself, my relationship with my parents, all of which were easily manageable but seemed insurmountable when they were globbed into one big confusing turmoily-feeling issue. Everything in my life sorted out like sunlight passing through a prism and resolving into separate wavelengths.

This is very helpful. Thank you.

[missyny]

You're not alone in this. And you don't need to deal with shitty therapists. Everyone on here told me that and they were right. I had to jump around till I found a woman I liked and now I'm glad I did. I know it's hard. It's so sooo hard.
My son isn't technically on the spectrum, but he has speech issues and does ABA therapy and we have lots of people in the house working with him, etc... It gets overwhelming. I get it. ox Sometimes it takes a lot to keep making appointments and notes and care and concern for so many people around us but our own anxiety and depression just festers. I'm really in a similar boat and have been in new therapy for 3 weeks now.
You can do it!
Also, can you ask any of your son's teachers if there is a support group for parents dealing wtih the same stuff as you? Those kinds of groups are out there.

Wishing you peace.

[anlo]

Thanks, missy. H and I are in a monthly support group that has been helpful. Each month we discuss a particular issue, like IEPs, financial planning, sibling issues, etc. I'll start asking others there and DS's therapists if they have any recommendations.

[rex]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot.

Not all therapists are like the ones you've seen. I know that's hard to believe right now, but I hope you can find one that is truly helpful to you and listens to your concerns and needs and takes them seriously.

[meemz]

No advice. Just hugs. ({) (})