Counseling

[rikkiandjulie]

Julie and I had a long talk. It became clear that we wanted to extremely different things in life. I spend Tuesday night at a friends, and Wednesday I stayed in the guest bed. I don't know if we will ever be on the same page again, but at least if counseling doesn't help, we tried our best. The absulute hardest part is that we are still really truly in love, it's just a matter of if we can compromise, and at what point is love not enough. . . We start counseling next week. Til the. I'll probably be acted guarded so I don't get crushed if this fails.


Rikki-iPhone

[2brides]

Oh no! I hope that you are able to find a path that you are both happy with. I'll be thinking about you guys.

[twotrue]

I'm sorry to hear this but I honestly don't think it means the end. Counseling can be very very helpful in getting both people back on the same page. And it can give clarity to where the rift is coming from and if it is mendable. If you ever need to chat, PM me.

[thiswillbe]

((hugs)) I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find resolution through counseling.

[ct]

((hugs)) We've gotten a great deal out of counseling and are likely headed back there again soon. You aren't alone.

[rikkiandjulie]

It feels good to know that I'm not alone. I hope it's all worth it in the end.


Rikki-iPhone

[twotrue]

Can I ask what type of compromises you are talking about? Is it something as serious as 'kids vs. no kids' or something more like 'stay here vs move there'? Because honestly I think that every person has deal breakers in relationships and the more certain you are about what your deal breakers are the less chance for regret or resentment in the future.

[kershnic]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Counseling can certainly be very helpful. I agree with TT, and think that part of what couples can work through in counseling is both what things you didn't think you could compromise on but actually you can, and what things are really deal breakers. And then of course making sure that both people in a relationship know where those lines are. My thoughts are with you.

[rikkiandjulie]

It is a kids vs no kids ever argument, and how she's been leading me on about thinking she did forever now.


Rikki-iPhone

[never2amazing]

I am so sorry to hear this. As everyone has stated thus far, counseling does work. True mentioned knowing what the deal breakers are ... both of you need to list those out in therapy from the getgo. If the love is there, there are more comprimises than you both may realize.

I feel obligated to offer one bit of advice...I have never found it healthy to sleep outside of your home. If you can...don't stay at friend's houses, it can increase the wedge between you both even further.

Good luck!

[rikkiandjulie]

Kids may be a deal breaker for me too, and it hurts to say that, but hopefully counseling will find more insight, and she will feel she can be more honest what she really wants, bc idk what to believe anymore because she keeps flip flopping. Hopefully, we get some real insight and clarification. I DO still love her just all this in between is hard


Rikki-iPhone

[seattlekari]

(((Hugs))) I hope that you both find counseling to be helpful. As others have said, hopefully it will help you both to really lay out how you feel about things. I hope that you're both able to be open to that. Take care of yourself.

[joyseattle]

As someone whose been in VERY tough places in my relationship with C, I can say that counseling has been amazingly helpful (with the right counselor). We've worked through major challenges (lay off, depression, etc) and made compromises before. I know that kids are a deal breaker for me and that was clear from the beginning or we wouldn't have been together. There were times when I was ready to start/resume ttc before C and those were hard, but I'm glad we found a way to come together/wait until we were on the same page. I hope counseling will give you some perspective and hope that you two can work it out however is best for you both.