I don't even know where to go with this anymore (l

[meltoine]

My sister's been really sick for a while. She has several chronic conditions, most of which were diagnosed about 10 years ago. For the most part they are well-managed but she has flares and has been hospitalized several times over the years.

Most recently, she had surgery in January which was unsuccessful. She found a new doctor and had another surgery in April for which we both traveled to California. Her recovery was supposed to take 4-6 weeks, but she's had a rough time and was hospitalized again last week.

As part of her surgery and recovery she had a bunch of genetic tests done. She just got the results back and she is apparently at a hugely increased risk for lung cancer. We have two close relatives who had/have lung cancer. One died and one is almost in remission now.

She is trying to use this to make my mom quit smoking and she doesn't understand that she can't control another adult's behavior. I've been trying to explain to her for hours now that the only thing she can do is not expose herself to their smoke, which will mean inviting them to her place instead of going to theirs or meeting at a restaurant, etc.... She just wants them to quit for her and she doesn't understand why their life decisions don't revolve around her.

Sorry for venting. This is just the 15th issue like this of hers that I've been addressing lately. I can't do this much longer.

[nsl]

That sounds physically and emotionally exhausting.

Have you talked to your mom without your sister present about this? Not so much about making her quit, but about how scary this news has clearly been for her, and about how worn out you are.

[meltoine]

No. She just got this news today. I haven't talked to my mom since we found out about the lung cancer bit. I'm flying there tomorrow anyway.

My mom and I have talked extensively about conniving my sister to go to therapy. We've tried a million things but she still refuses to go. It's getting to the point where I can't be her sounding board for this stuff anymore, at least not as frequently as I am. She needs a professional.

[prettyinpink]

May 22, 2012 23:16:10 GMT -5 meltoine said:

No. She just got this news today. I haven't talked to my mom since we found out about the lung cancer bit. I'm flying there tomorrow anyway.

My mom and I have talked extensively about conniving my sister to go to therapy. We've tried a million things but she still refuses to go. It's getting to the point where I can't be her sounding board for this stuff anymore, at least not as frequently as I am. She needs a professional.

First off hugs hugs and more hugs. I know how hard it is to be a sounding board in situations like this. Its not an easy feat.

Secondly I agree with NSL. I think you need to talk to your mom about how your sister is feeling about all of this. It might be easier coming from you. Don't tell her to quit smoking but just tell her how your sister feels.

[drunkpeggy]

Can you see if there are any support groups for her conditions? She may not need "traditional" therapy but rather someone who "gets it" because they're in the same position. Chronic conditions effect your daily life and its helpful to see and talk with other people going through the same exact thing to validate your feelings and model a healthy way of life, especially when the condition is taking its toll. I have a friend with severe RA and she has a support group. She says she gets her RA issues out with them so it doesn't take over her daily life and her other relationships.