So what do you think about your MIL?

[dulcemariamar]

This is how I feel about her. Every time, I feel that we are making some sort improvement, she goes and says something and we take five huge steps back in our relationship.

It is not like I want to be BFF but it would be nice to have a normal relationship with her since my family is so far away.

Anybody else here, isn't exactly thrilled with their MIL?

[Cheesecake]

That sounds like the relationship I have with my mom. That sucks, but there really isn't much you can do.

I pph my MIL. She's awesome and friendly and polite and non-confrontational, everything my mom isn't.

Sent from my phone, please excuse typos!

[bugabean]

Both my PIL say stupid things all the time. I end up trying to avoid talking to them so that I don't have to hear them. They're not bad people or anything, but we don't communicate well. I don't know if it's a language thing or if they're really being as condescending as they seem, so I've decided to believe it's a language thing.

Example: Bug had really goopy eyes. DH took her to the doctor who said that she was really congested and it was just snot and not pink eye. DH relates this story to his parents, and MIL says, with a big grin and nod right at me, "that must be what happened last time you thought it was pink eye, too." I can't think of a reason she even needs to opine about that at all, much less why she thinks she knows better than I do what happened several months ago when both of the girls had doctor-confirmed pink eye, when pink eye was going around the daycare, when we got a prescription for abx, when DH and I also caught pink eye from them…. But ok. I'll go ahead and assume she has good intentions of some kind, and I'll smile and say, "no, the doctor said it was pink eye then." And then I try to avoid being around her the rest of the day because I don't want to hear more stupid comments like that and start to think that maybe she actually really is being a bitch.

[allibally]

We can't communicate. I love her. She generally wants to be nice. Even when there was a difficult situation when she visited us in Zurich. (I was in a pretty deep depression at the time).

StepMIL? I'm just glad I don't have to see her as much. She's a bit boozy and smokes too much. But we can communicate pretty well. She enjoys practicing English on me. I don't like the way she prods me to speak German. I believe you just let people learn at the pace and comfort level that works for them. I would never use the tactics she uses on people who didn't know English.

[mrsukyankee]

My MIL is a sweetie. She doesn't totally get me and we're from very different backgrounds, but she is very kind and welcoming. My FIL is the same.

[Waffles]

She's ok as long as I don't see too much of her. She's very nice and everything but never shuts up, which can be exhausting. She also will never admit being wrong, which drives H crazy.

I often think I'm lucky to have the perfect kind of distance separating us: I don't have to see her that often & she doesn't stay for weeks on end when she visits.

[americaninoz]

She's nice and we get on well.
She did get my back up this week though, I had to hold back from sending an email angry, after she mailed me an article from the newspaper about 2 things we did with dd - and underlined some parts and wrote 'who knew?'
as in - you did wrong - here's the proof
and the articles were FULL of half facts - and stuff I already knew- all of it - and I did NOT do wrong -the articles were just ridiculously full of misinformation
anyhow, I obviously haven't spoken to her about it yet, but will *sigh*

[doctoranda]

My MIL is nice but I just can't relate, identify or communicate with her very well. We don't fight or anything but she knows how to push my buttons. I mostly hate how she treats her son but that is their relationship. So to keep things friendly I just avoid contact with her.

[popcorn]

My MIL is great and always means well. She tries to stay out of people's business annd truly cares about me.

That said I do get frustrated with some of her "constructive" comments or when she comments on how she did such and such with her kid and it was fine or she never heard of giving babies avocado or whatever.

So I like her and I don't like her. It's actually somewhat similar to my relationship with my own mother. Love her, but the things she says make me nuts sometimes!

FIL is another story. I still don't understand his thick Extremeño accent and he's always trying to "help" in ways I don't appreciate. I am probably a big part of the problem I don't get along with him, but I just don't get him and it is hard for me to stay happy/nice with him. I really try though because, again, I know he means well.

So..I am about FIL and generally about MIL.

[pittpurple]

My MIL is fine. Pretty boring but fine. We struggle sometimes to find things to talk about but I really don't see her that often so it's fine. There's nothing wrong with her, but she can only talk about cooking or gardening and I could not be less interested in either of those. I'm assuming one day we can talk about babies and it will be easier? I've known her for 12 years now and each time, it's like it's the first time we met somehow.

She's retiring this summer and is absolutely financially secure. Her big plans for retirement? Painting the kitchen and making her bathroom handicap accessible. Although she (thankfully) and my FIL are nowhere near needing that. This is what she can come up with to do with unlimited free time and fairly unlimited funds. I just don't know how to respond to that!

[vela]

my Mil tried to separate Dh and I , the result was, Dh kicked her out of our life.
This was his descission after about 10 years of gossiping around.
I´m fine with that, as I did the same with my mom after about 10 years of drama.
So we happily without any PIL.

[doctoranda]

Has anyone watched the new A&E series Monsters-in-law? Just heard about it today.

[popcorn]

May 23, 2012 6:26:34 GMT -5 vela said:

my Mil tried to separate Dh and I , the result was, Dh kicked her out of our life.
This was his descission after about 10 years of gossiping around.
I´m fine with that, as I did the same with my mom after about 10 years of drama.
So we happily without any PIL.

WOW! Sounds like you both have some crazy parents!

At least you knew when it was time to give up -- there's no need to tolerate people who are trying to split you up.

[crimsonandclover]

I had huge problems with my MIL the first few years we were married. She would attack me (verbally) for no reason at all and constantly make cutting remarks. I would literally get sick to my stomach before, during, and after we visited them because I had such anxiety about it. DH had a come to Jesus talk with her about it, telling them flat out that if it didn't stop, he would cut off contact with them (his idea, not mine. I said I just wouldn't visit them anymore but he could). That brought her around for a while, then she sank back into old habits, DH had a mini-version of the same conversation, and since then things have been peachy. And since I got pregnant, I can do no wrong.

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that's because she's turned her focus to DIL2 and is doing the same thing with her that she used to do with me. She actually told her that maybe it was for the best she had had a m/c last year because her and my BIL's lifestyle wasn't suited for children. Obviously they would change their lifestyle if they had had kids. I thought maybe things would change for her once she was pregnant, too, but no. She's now 27 weeks or so and MIL is still going strong with the mean comments.

[Deleted]

I like her, she's nice, friendly and has just the right amount of tolerable craziness. The only time she went overboard it was early in our wedding planning when she started insisting that it wasn't the case for us to get married and other random BS. I was like, excuse me lady, we've been together for FOURTEEN years! Now BUGGER OFF!
Hubby put an immediate stop to that nonsense and she quickly backtracked.

[vela]

Popcorn: this was one reason we moved from Frankfurt to Munich ;-)

[dulcemariamar]

I am in the same boat as CrimsonandClover. She has 3 DILs. And and she treats the other 2 better than me even though I have been nothing but nice to her. I think since my DH has always been the nice, and responsible son, she takes advantage of the fact. Plus, I hate how she can say things about how I look and what I do with my life but she wouldnt dare say it to the other ones. Grrr.

[clogged]

I like mine. A lot. We are naming our unborn child after her. And it was my idea. THAT much like her.

[elenetxu]

Due to ridiculous construction bureaucratic nightmares, I lived with her for two school years. The woman is a saint. She and I are two very different women (I'm not the dress up all pretty every day type of girl - I live in jeans) but I have nothing but nice things to say.

[anna7602]

Mine is totally crazy cakes, but she's really good with DD. So, I've tried really hard to deal with her idiosyncracies and lack of boundaries in order to get the occasional free babysitting. She's across an ocean right now, so it's not like that happens often, but she did watch DD for a week while we were house-hunting here in Paris in the fall. That made me forgive some of her issues. And time & distance between us now has helped make the rest all a little foggy for me.

If we lived in the same town, I probably wouldn't be able to deal with it. In fact, there's a reason we don't live in the same town. She really has zero concept of boundaries and often thinks she's being helpful when she's really just being intrusive.

[Wanderista]

She's a lovely person. Logistically, I don't see much of her but I can't really complain.

[clickerish]

My relationship with my MIL is odd in that she is like a 60 year old child. She lives in another country, but we support her (literally). When we visit, we bring her chocolates, give her money to play the lottery and take her out for dinner. When she visits us, we let her use a computer to play solitaire and watch her shows--she will sit there for hours. Until she gets hungry, at which point we feed her. I kid you not.

My former MIL disliked me intensely, and it was always fraught with tension, so I am quite happy with this one despite the oddities.

[allibally]

May 23, 2012 12:19:38 GMT -5 clogged said:

I like mine. A lot. We are naming our unborn child after her. And it was my idea. THAT much like her.

You are so sly.

[clogged]

May 24, 2012 4:13:57 GMT -5 allibally said:

May 23, 2012 12:19:38 GMT -5 clogged said:

I like mine. A lot. We are naming our unborn child after her. And it was my idea. THAT much like her.

You are so sly.

Like that? LOL

[allibally]

May 24, 2012 5:12:14 GMT -5 clogged said:

May 24, 2012 4:13:57 GMT -5 allibally said:

You are so sly.

Like that? LOL

You had me pondering for awhile.

[EllieT]

I love her. And she loves me. SO jokes that his fanily likes me more than him and if we were to ever split up they would cut him out