not a fart but burp, well more like monster belch story....
apparently one of the lovely side effects of my pregnancies are massive belches, it's embarrassing beyond belief and I do my best to control it but sometimes it's beyond my control
I was leaving work a few months ago and walked into our underground parking area (where the acoustics are impressive), and let out a huuuge belch, a vp from one of the companies in our building just happened to be right within hearing distance and you could see the look of WTMF?!?!? on his face, and of course zeroed right in on me.... I was MORTIFIED, got into my car turning 25 shades of red, ah well hah
Post by chedominique on Nov 8, 2012 11:31:19 GMT -5
-In 6th grade, my best friend snuck up behind me and tickled me and I let out a surprise fart. I tried to move my chair to make it seem like my chair made the noise. I don't know if it worked, but I was doing that for the rest of the day.
-If I have gas in the middle of the night while my bird is covered up, he hisses at me to shut up. My H can do the same and he doesn't say anything. It's always my farts...like he knows the difference between the two. Whatever little bird 8-D.
-If I have gas in the middle of the night while my bird is covered up, he hisses at me to shut up. My H can do the same and he doesn't say anything. It's always my farts...like he knows the difference between the two. Whatever little bird .
Ok, that's funny....and a little weird
My first and last yoga class while pregnant was due to a nice long nasty fart that escaped while attempting the downward dog
I knew it was coming, but I just couldn't hold it. I gave it a minute thinking it wouldn't be noticed over the smell of sweaty feet, but it was quite noticable and I gave up and left the class still gassy and embarrassed.
Post by pollyprissypants on Nov 8, 2012 11:38:24 GMT -5
When I was in 8th grade I was upstairs at my g-mas house playing Nintendo with another cousin. It was a very old house with wood floors and we were both sitting on the floor. I let out the loudest fart I had ever heard in my life and grandma came running up the stairs yelling "Who fell down? Is everyone alright up here? That sounded bad!"
I was rolling on the floor laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. My cousin was in the corner practically dry heaving at the smell. Grandma just shook her head and walked back down stairs. I was so proud haha. This event is still talked about at family functions.
i don't have one but maybe i could go find jamiacamama's fart story from '04. bc i think i died laughing that night
OMG yes, that was hysterical!
My fart story. When my H and I were first dating, his brother came to stay with us for a few days. We were getting dinner together one night, and I was sitting on the couch, H was in the bedroom, and unbeknownst to me BIL was in the kitchen. I thought I was safe and ripped out a big one. H went into the kitchen to find his brother convulsed in laughter, tears running down his face. He told his brother I was a keeper haha
I was at the grocery store with my mom and I let a really bad SBD rip. Conveniently there was a little boy who was maybe one or two sitting in a cart right by us. After we left the aisle, my mom whispered to me that she thought the little boy might have had a pants full of crap because the smell was awful. And then I burst into laughter and blew my cover!!! Whoops!
ETA: This was a long time ago. I think I was probably in junior high or high school.
I accidentally farted in my baby's face yesterday. I was bending over to pick up a toy, and it pushed out the gas. The worst part is, she was in her stroller with the canopy up, so it was sort of a dutch oven.
Post by BieberMyBalls on Nov 8, 2012 11:45:58 GMT -5
Its not my fart story, but a friend's. A group of us were hanging out with some guys we just met, and my friend was flirting hard core with one of them. She's the kind of girl who likes to come across as the most seductive creature who has ever lived, and was trying a tad too hard. She was sitting beside him, doing her thing, when we had to leave. So she gets up, and right as she's starting to stand, let's out this big, loud, monster fart and then proceeds to run away. The guy laughed and yelled, "Wait up, stinky ass! I want your digits!"
I was embarrassed for her, and felt bad, but she got over it and we still joke about it lol
My older son has taken to blaming his farts and his poops on his little brother. If they're in the room together and you smell something, as soon as you say "J, did you go poop?" he shakes his head and points to his brother saying "Baby did".
Post by BieberMyBalls on Nov 8, 2012 11:49:51 GMT -5
Oh, and when H and I first started dating, I didn't fart infront of him. When I moved in with him, I would wake myself up in the middle of the night thinking I farted, and did this lame cough thing. Now? I dutch oven him and his sleep and cackle at his reaction
When Anna was about 2.5, I was picking her up from daycare and I farted silently in the hallway where all their lockers are. I was pregnant, ok? I was chatting with another mom who was walking by, a super fancy proper mom. And Anna yelled "MOMMY YOU FARTED MOMMY! YOU FARTED AND IT STINKS!". The other mom smiled and left and I wanted to die right there.
I have type this in because I can't c&p it from the Newsletter.
'was in Vegas. Dressed to the 9's. Walking down the hallway to my room. I announced, "I've just got one thing to say!' And I proceeded to lean over, lift my skirt and blow out the biggest fart you have ever heard.
My BFF and I fell in the floor & were convulsed w/laughter and could not manage to gather ourselves up from the hotel hallway for at least 1/2 an hour. I'm sure whomever was watching the security cameras was really entertained that night! (yes, I have no shame LOL!)
When Anna was about 2.5, I was picking her up from daycare and I farted silently in the hallway where all their lockers are. I was pregnant, ok? I was chatting with another mom who was walking by, a super fancy proper mom. And Anna yelled "MOMMY YOU FARTED MOMMY! YOU FARTED AND IT STINKS!". The other mom smiled and left and I wanted to die right there.
hahha yes!
adam once busted me in the elevator. I always assume if i get on and there are babies, then the shit smell is them. but once adam was verbal, he made a very big point of outing me.
this guy gets on and adam very matter of factly waived his little fist in front of his nose and said ewwwww teenky. mommy tooted!!
I remember when I was around 10/11 and I was at a friends house helping decorate her christmas tree and I had the WORST gas. I don't know what the fuck I ate, but it was, to this day, the worst smelling farts I've ever had, and they would NOT stop coming. My friends mom got so irritated with me that she told me if I farted one more time, I had to leave. Talk about embarrassing.
Oh, and then there was the time I farted in my ex bf's face while he was going down on me. He just paused and was like " did you just fart in my face?" and I was all " uhh...yeah, I think so".
Then one time I was getting it on with my h and I farted, and he stopped and was all " did you just fart on my balls?" and I was like " uhh..yeah, I think so".
Mine involves spanx. I was in a wedding 2yrs ago and H and I went to the hotel room in between the ceremony/reception so I could change shoes. We were in the hall, H was trying to open the door and I farted, except that it got stuck in the spanx and sounded like a sick animal howling/squeaking to get out of something.
I will never forget my H's face. He looked at me, with big eyes, full or fear and said, 'is that YOU?' I laughed for like an hour.
So, PSA: don't fart in spanx!!
Also yesterday, this young guy was in our office. I heard a long farting noise and then he ran out of the room, lol. I didn't say anything b/c there were 6 other people in here, but then the smell hit us!
Farts are funny
Omg I have tears. I would like to nominate this as fart story of the day
In high school, I was riding in the back of a car with my boyfriend and his whole family- he had 2 brothers, mom, and dad. One of the brothers farted and everyone was picking on him.
Well then I let a silent but deadly out. It was bad! Everyone was still blaming the brother, who denied it. I joined in on the ribbing and no one even suspected me!!!
I was getting a massage once and she was working on my outer hip. Well she bent down to dig into the muscle and i let out a huge fart right in her face. I`ve been going to her for years but she never said anything. Everytime i go back i get this mortified feeling that i might fart again.
So it's weird then that I have never farted in front of DH? DD loves to tell people she has only heard me fart once in her whole life. She is very proud of hers.
Post by verycontrary247 on Nov 8, 2012 13:59:02 GMT -5
When H and I were dating I was very careful about never ever farting around him. EVER.
About 5 months in, we were weeding the garden beds in front of my parents house. I squatted down to grab something and a little fart just kind of...slipped out. H was like "WAS THAT A FART? DID YOU JUST FART?!" and I denied it.
Mine involves spanx. I was in a wedding 2yrs ago and H and I went to the hotel room in between the ceremony/reception so I could change shoes. We were in the hall, H was trying to open the door and I farted, except that it got stuck in the spanx and sounded like a sick animal howling/squeaking to get out of something.
I will never forget my H's face. He looked at me, with big eyes, full or fear and said, 'is that YOU?' I laughed for like an hour.
So, PSA: don't fart in spanx!!
Also yesterday, this young guy was in our office. I heard a long farting noise and then he ran out of the room, lol. I didn't say anything b/c there were 6 other people in here, but then the smell hit us!
Farts are funny
I actually rocked back and forth in silent laughter at this. I have nothing particular to add, but I will say I fart so.much.more since I had a baby. I'm not sure if everything just relaxed or I just got to used to letting myself fart because I'm pregnant that I can't go back to keeping it in.
Mine involves spanx. I was in a wedding 2yrs ago and H and I went to the hotel room in between the ceremony/reception so I could change shoes. We were in the hall, H was trying to open the door and I farted, except that it got stuck in the spanx and sounded like a sick animal howling/squeaking to get out of something.
I will never forget my H's face. He looked at me, with big eyes, full or fear and said, 'is that YOU?' I laughed for like an hour.
So, PSA: don't fart in spanx!!
Also yesterday, this young guy was in our office. I heard a long farting noise and then he ran out of the room, lol. I didn't say anything b/c there were 6 other people in here, but then the smell hit us!
Farts are funny
Omg I have tears. I would like to nominate this as fart story of the day
When DH and I were first dating we were snuggling on the couch and I asked him to crack my back. So I climbed on top of him, and he squeezed me in the back area, and I let out the loudest fart I think I've ever had. He laughed until he cried.
Post by firedancer49 on Nov 8, 2012 15:09:21 GMT -5
I very very rarely fart in front of DH. I'll do it with DD b/c she laughs. I'll never forget the time I was sound asleep and farted so loud that I woke myself up. I didn't realize I also woke up DH who was like "WTF WAS THAT???" He has not let me live that one down. Although he did bring it up the other night and said "well you had a pass b/c you were pregnant." Uh, nope, not pregnant at the time, but I will let you think that.
I farted in a nurses face when they were getting me in position to check DD's heartrate. I felt it coming but had no way to stop it. It was fairly quiet and non-stinky (thank god). I apologized so much, she was all "meh" about it but I nearly died from mortification.
We joke about poop and farts a lot but its very rare for us to actually fart in front of each other. Although one time I was giving him a beej and he totally farted. I was kind of stunned momentarily but just kept right on with what I was doing. Thankfully he was standing with his butt facing an open window so I wasn't marinating in his stench or anything.
When I first started this job I had gnarly farts one day. I just had to let one out while I was in my cubicle and go figure not 2 seconds later one of the supervisors comes over to get some information from me. I wanted to die of embarrassment. Poor lady got baptised in my foulness.
And for the finale, many years ago I had just lost my virginity to my first boyfriend and we were cuddling in bed when all of a sudden he rips the loudest, most godawful putrid fart. It was so wrong, I swear it just lingered forever and I actually gagged it was so horrible. He finally had to open the windows and spray some febreeze because it would not go away, but he thought it was hilarious.