you know what I love...

[2brides]

Straight folks who try to educated me on the finer points of GLBT law. I have had 2 people this week ask if L and I were going to get married under the new Maryland law. Honestly, I don't know. Partly because of our relationship right now and partly because I want to wait until it is federally recognized.

I didn't mention the relationship woes to either person, but stated that we might wait for it to be be federally recognized and they both argued with me (at length) that if the state recognized it, the feds would too. I had to do a whole education on DOMA and they still argued with me that that didn't matter.

Dude, this is my life. I know of which I speak.

[hensmum]

Lame. Do they really think you don't keep up to date on these things??

[twotrue]

I haven't had a chance to read the text of the Maryland law yet. Is it retroactive so to speak? Are all marriages that were done legally in other places now automatically recognized there?

[2brides]

yes, they've recognized out of state marriages for a little while here.

(we aren't legally married anywhere. When we married nearly 10y ago, it wasn't an option.)

[twotrue]

Nov 8, 2012 13:52:38 GMT -5 2brides said:

yes, they've recognized out of state marriages for a little while here.

(we aren't legally married anywhere. When we married nearly 10y ago, it wasn't an option.)

Okay, that's what I thought in regards to out of state marriages.

And I knew you weren't legally married, I just got side tracked when I responded. Straight people are idiots sometimes

[ElsaVonM]

Did you ask them if they took government or civics class in high school? Since when can the states tell the federal government what to do about anything?

[kershnic]

The things straight gay rights supporters don't know really shock me sometimes. Understanding of DOMA is suspect number one. I'm glad we're legally married, though I can see why someone in your position would not want to bother until it's federally recognized.

I read something a while back about why it might matter... I think part of it was in a divorce the length of marriage affects the arrangements, and the length of a marriage will be defined by the date of legal marriage after DOMA falls. But I feel like there were some happier reasons too, and I can't remember them!

[joyseattle]

I have been amazed by how many supporters didn't know C and I weren't legally married until I started sharing about Ref 74. I'm also a bit taken aback when people ask if we're going to get married, even people who know we had a ceremony and consider ourselves married. I just politely say we're going to get a marriage license but that we're not having another wedding as that would devalue the one we already had.

[llama]

How annoying! This is a definite pet peeve of mine too. I have come to expect general ignorance, but the people who INSIST they are right and I am wrong are irritating. I have had straight people insist they have relatives who got LEGALLY married in Hawaii and that the federal government "took it away" afterwards (I'm sure they are referring to the stuff that happened in HI in the 90s that kicked off the wave of anti-gay marriage legislation across the country but no couples were ever legally married in HI.) Someone just the other day said that they had a friend who got legally married in OR.

I totally get that people self-identify as married even if they're not legally married, and of course people have marriage ceremonies when they are not able to legally marry, and a whole host of other things, but I can't believe the lack of information and willingness to learn about what the real issues are with regard to recognition and logistics. Perpetuating misinformation is not going to make this better or easier to understand.

[joyseattle]

Some couples actually got legally married in Multnomah County in OR. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_Oregon

I know one couple this was true for before it was halted and the county sent them a lovely little, "sorry we shouldn't have done that it's not really valid" letter in the mail.

[llama]

Nov 9, 2012 21:44:25 GMT -5 joyseattle said:

Some couples actually got legally married in Multnomah County in OR. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_Oregon

I know one couple this was true for before it was halted and the county sent them a lovely little, "sorry we shouldn't have done that it's not really valid" letter in the mail.

Those licenses were given out in violation of state law, so they were never legal to begin with. Kind of like the marriage licenses Gavin Newsom issued in SF that kicked off the CA court case that led to the CA Supreme Court legalizing it.

Misinformation just KILLS ME, that's all.

[joyseattle]

Ah, yes, that's an important distinction. Regardless, I think dominant groups tell oppressed folks about how much they know about their own realities is ridiculous!