Hosting xmas! Emotional dilemma

[hereonceagain]

I'm having a hard time with this. Every year we have had the tradition of having Xmas at my moms house. This tradition started before I was born. We have never missed a year and it's a big gathering of approx. 40 of our family members. It is always my fav day of the year and warms my heart as silly as that may sound.

This year my husband, me and kids moved to our new home. It's larger than my moms, and is close by. My mom has asked if I'd like to start hosting Xmas. I would love to but it hurts to break our great tradition. I believe all our guests would be more comfy in my home since we have tons of things to keep the kids occupied and more seating and space for everyone.

My mom is getting older and has medical issues. I'm having a VERY hard time breaking our tradition when thinking about that. I think she'd rather have everyone here too so she wouldn't have to handle cleanup.

Am I being silly over thinking this? Should I go ahead and just do it here? Once I start the tradition here, it will likely last decades, which I'm ok with. I just can't imagine Xmas without my mom.

[SusanBAnthony]

I think you should do it. Even though you don't want to make the change (which I totally get!) it is really a gift for your mom to host it at your house.

Also, better to make the move before the situation gets dire and you all the sudden are scrambling bc your mom is really sick. Do it in a normal year when tensions are low and it isn't a crisis situation.

Maybe brainstorm with your mom things that would make it seem more traditional? What aspects of being at your moms will you miss the most, and can you bring those or recreate them at your house?

[tarheels]

I don't think it's as big of a deal as you're making it The family will all be there, your mom will be there (you're writing like she's died), the food will be the same - the only difference in the venue, which isn't that big of a difference at all I get the fear of change - DH's family has a similar tradition and it's going to start breaking up soon as people get older and he and MIL are crushed. But just think of it as a happy time to try out a few cute new traditions that you've seen on Pinterest or in magazines but have never been able to incorporate.

[emoflamingo]

I agree with tarheels. My uncle is pretty similar. A few years ago, he said he cannot celebrate christmas with the family (as in his parents and extended family) ANY night but Christmas eve. It was like that my entire childhood. However, the youngest grandchild is now 18 and so it's hard to make it so that all of us can be there on that night (since quite a few of my cousins/siblings work in healthcare as CNAs and nurses, so they can't pick and choose and be off every holiday), so we try and schedule it the night that the most people can gather and it's not always that night.

[boiler717]

I think it's a good idea to change it up now before it's an emotional time. I'm hosting for my extended family for the first time (it has been at my grandma's house for the past 20 some years). I'm hoping it helps us transition while we still can celebrate with grandma.

[sailorgray]

It's not breaking a tradition. It's starting a new one. Does it really matter where it's held? All that matters is who is there.

[hereonceagain]

Also my dad died. He was so proud of that house. Omg, this is making me cry. I'm sooo emotional.

I do realize, it's better to make the change now. I'm so afraid I will be sad on Xmas.

[emoflamingo]

Oh honey. ((hugs)) The first year is the hardest. It doesn't get easier, but it does become a new normal.

[SusanBAnthony]

You probably will be sad! That is totally normal. You will also be busy and have fun!

[hereonceagain]

Nov 12, 2012 11:47:59 GMT -5 emoflamingo said:

Oh honey. ((hugs)) The first year is the hardest. It doesn't get easier, but it does become a new normal.

This is the third Xmas without him. But the last two I felt so comforted by being in the house we had so many fond memories in.

Thanks you guys, for confirming what I thought. We will have it in our home this year.

[sratsey]

Nov 12, 2012 11:46:30 GMT -5 hereonceagain said:

Also my dad died. He was so proud of that house. Omg, this is making me cry. I'm sooo emotional.

I do realize, it's better to make the change now. I'm so afraid I will be sad on Xmas.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can see why you're so emotional in breaking the tradition. As a few have already said, you should look at it as starting a new tradition...or maybe a "passing of the torch" kind of thing since your mom is older and it probably takes a lot out of her to do entertaining for such a large crowd.

When my parents sold my childhood home, the "going home cor Christmas" thing was definitely what I missed the most. I began hosting alternate Christmases with my brother and now everyone comes where we are. The first year is hard...but it gets better, and you will come to look forward to hosting as much as everyone looks forward to coming.