How involved are you as a parent?

[julesf84]

At that age, I think it's only necessary to e-mail a teacher about grades if there is a big surprise or unexpected grade. Like if the kid drops significantly without the parent having any idea - kid not showing parents grades or report cards, etc. Otherwise, it's the kid's responsibility. As the teacher, I'd contact the parents if I had any serious concerns. I have a teacher website that keeps the parents of my students informed on assignments and tests, etc.

[2boys2danes]

I have one son who is 12 and another almost 13....My 13 YO has an IEP so it requires much more communication so there's that. I probably email once a week or so to one of his six teachers. So each teacher may hear from me 1.5 times in a 9 week period. Does that seem like a lot?

Its our first year in the public school system here and middle school to boot... we love our experience so far. Their teachers seem to be great

[PinkSquirrel]

At 14-15 the only reason a parent should be emailing a teacher is if there is an extended absence and they're trying to get homework.

[2boys2danes]

Nov 12, 2012 22:58:31 GMT -5 tators said:

Nov 12, 2012 22:55:24 GMT -5 2boys2danes said:

I have one son who is 12 and another almost 13....My 13 YO has an IEP so it requires much more communication so there's that. I probably email once a week or so to one of his six teachers. So each teacher may hear from me 1.5 times in a 9 week period. Does that seem like a lot?

Its our first year in the public school system here and middle school to boot... we love our experience so far. Their teachers seem to be great

This is normal sister. I had a student on an IEP last year and I heard from her weekly... sometimes more

Good because I dont wanna be "that mom"

[dowagercountess]

My school does such a good job of giving kids the onus for responsibility. It's a huge shift from any other place I have worked.

[demofea01]

I don't have kids myself, but my mom never did that for me when I was that age. Being on top of my homework was my responsibility.

[10outof9]

I think making teens take responsibility for their own assignments is essential in teaching them life skills. We had a couple of customer service employees this summer that had their parents call them in sick to work. There was even one parent who called to bitch out the Operations Manager after her daughter was fired for misconduct. Young people today need to be responsible for their own actions and not rely on their parents to do everything for them.

[drrn04]

Assuming there are no special circumstances that require my involvement (learning disability, IEP, etc), at that age, the only reason I'd be emailing a teacher is if I felt my kid was struggling (that email would be of the "what can I do to help make this work" variety), or if an unexpectedly low grade came home on a report card.

They have to figure out how to manage their studies at some point, and I would hope it was before they were 15, when their HS grades actually count for something.

[mrsjuleshs]

I check her grades every few weeks. If she has a low test grade, I ask the teacher when are retests (if they get below a 70 they are allowed to retest to get up to a 70 but only once every 6 weeks). She was struggling the first term so I was emailing back & forth to get a sense of where she was struggling and what I can do to help her. We are leaning towards having her tested for dyslexia and ADD though her high grades in english and History may deter that. Last year we had an instance where she had been out sick and 4 weeks later the teacher still hadn't let her take the test. I try to keep a very open relationship with the teachers so they know they can contact me if they see anything going on with her that needs to be addressed. The teachers in our district are for the most part very receptive to parent interaction. I don't hand hold so if she screws up, she knows she has to own up to it and that I have no problem asking the teacher what really happened if her excuses don't seem plausible (you know it's always the teacher's fault <rolls eyes>. If you think your kid isn't reaching their potential, talk to the teacher. My general rule is if you fail because you didn't try, I will not pay for summer school and they can hold you back or make you repeat the class. If you are genuinely struggling and really trying hard, then I will pay for summer school, tutoring, anything it takes. But the important thing is, you have to try.

[mrsjuleshs]

And with that, No I do not constantly bug the teachers. They have 100 other kids to teach so it is typically only if it is a serious matter (like not allowing her to take a test after several weeks). I haven't emailed a teacher since my initial concern about her grades in math this year. We also get weekly updates via email and they keep the teacher web very up to date with homework (BIG help when they miss a day of school) and projects.

[wannabe]

The website her school uses to post grades and assignments is really good. All of her teachers are great about keeping it up to date, so I don't have to be up anybody's ass for grades. And the moment she misses an assignment or bombs a test I can get all up in her grill about it. It's great.

I think I've emailed a teacher on her behalf less than five times in the last 3.5 years. I leave it up to her to fix her shit whenever necessary.

[drrn04]

Nov 12, 2012 23:56:50 GMT -5 wannabe said:

The website her school uses to post grades and assignments is really good. All of her teachers are great about keeping it up to date, so I don't have to be up anybody's ass for grades. And the moment she misses an assignment or bombs a test I can get all up in her grill about it. It's great.

I think I've emailed a teacher on her behalf less than five times in the last 3.5 years. I leave it up to her to fix her shit whenever necessary.

But see, to me, even this is going too far. I really think there comes a point where you have to be willing to let them fail, and let them feel the consequences. Ideally, this "failure" would happen in middle school at the latest, and they'd get their shit together before HS. But to be in their face about every assignment as soon as it is missed is going to make the transition to college (or wherever) a lot harder for them because they won't have had to feel that "real" responsibility yet.

However, I do realize that this is easier said than done, and it would be extremely hard for me to not stalk that website for her grades.

[wannabe]

Well, I don't look at it as fixing it for her. I'm really not doing anything but giving her shit when she fucks up. And it works, because her grades are vastly improved from two years ago. Nagging works! Heh.

[mrsjuleshs]

It is hard to let them fail but I can call her out on it a lot easier and light a fire under her ass if she starts screwing up. I don't hound her about her grades but she knows that I do look at them and she knows what is expected of her. I have pounded into her head that she better get it right now before she hits high school next year and the grades will make or break her when it comes of getting into the college she wants to attend. They start finals here in 8th grade and she has major test anxiety so it does have me worried. She does log in weekly to view her grades so that is a good thing.

[eb777888]

At that age, I'd expect them to work out the issue themselves. If, after several attempts, they couldn't work it out, I'd interfere. I want to encourage my kid(s) to solve these issue on their own. I think at this age, they need to learn to work with conflict and problem solve. Depending on the issue and whether or not they've tried to work it out, yes, at some point, I would step in and help.

[dragonfly08]

I email my girls' teachers fairly regularly, but they're 6 (in kindergarten) and 9 (4th grade). And it's never, ever been about grades specifically...just questions, concerns, that sort of thing. If DD #1 has an issue with an assignment or project, even at her age she's supposed to talk to her teacher first and I only step in to help if that doesn't address the issue. I can't think of a time when that's happened, though...usually, when she asks she gets the answer she needs (not necessarily the one she wants, but oh well!).

At 14/15? I'd absolutely expect my kid to be dealing with her own issues as much as possible. I would only step in if I felt that she was doing her best, taking the initiative and asking the right questions, but the teacher was clearly not responding and DD was suffering as a result. A low grade means I'm talking to my *kid* about what she's doing/not doing, and that only makes it's way up the food chain to the teacher if DD can prove to me the problem is not on her end.