Anybody chose to be tight on $$ to SAH?

[hrp22]

I'd really love to quit my day job, and get a part time job working evenings. Then sometimes I think about the nice things I'd like to buy, and don't want to be tight on money again. I look at my son and it makes me sad to think that I'm choosing spending money over him, and know that I really would love to SAH full time. I just want both worlds, I don't want to have to change my standard of living and I want to SAH.

Grr, it's such a hard decision. Anybody else make this decision? What did you do and what brought you to your decision. How do you feel now?

[gnomesweetgnome]

I have not had to make this decision yet, but I am contemplating it for when the time comes. I also wonder about how SAH might affect my career (which I'm still in school for!) in the future. So, I don't have any answers for you, but I'm curious to see what others say/

[Deleted]

Sort of. If I was working we'd have more money than we do now, but I honestly don't really miss it. I didn't stay home until we had the second baby though. H likes that I handle all the sick days, pedi appointments, etc. whereas we used to switch off who had to leave work for the sick kid. He's a workaholic and I didn't really care to work.

I definitely don't miss the money enough to get a night job, that sounds terrible. I live for the nights and weekends as a family.

[GailGoldie]

i went part time after having my twins. I still have benefits - so that is huge.

if i was working full time i wouldn't be bringing in much more money - b/c 3 in full time daycare was still going to be my entire salary.... same as being part time. I would have just made more with bonuses (my bonus is cut in 1/2 b/c i'm a job share now).

things would have been tight either way. Now that all 3 of my boys are in public school I suddenly make a little bit of money (still not much b/c we have 2 days of aftercare to pay for + i pay for one twin to be in the preK class)....

i do love that i get more time with my boys - and some days i wish i could be a full time SAHM but i realize how lucky i have it- so unless i get laid off at some point- i'm not going to leave this.

[Deleted]

I made more money than DH when I quit to SAH with DD1 (we had same profession/experience). And we're talking low $40ks here. It was pretty tight for the first couple years. We went in the red many months (we were also fixing up a house). I passionately did not want my kid in DC (i tried it when she was 15mo & it lasted2 days) so I didn't dwell on the thought about the all stuff we could have if I worked. DH got raises after (i think them knowing he's sole income did effect this plus he went out & got higher offers & negotiated), we sold said fixer for almost 3 times what we bought it for, moved to another state into cheaper house, got some inheritances, DH got more raises & bonuses, we invested & parlayed what we had into more...now 8 years later I have no regrets. We scrimped, worked, lived modestly & got breaks which all helped us stay afloat. Made for a roller coaster ride of life there for a while for sure. I went back to work part time last year & now that's just fun money. I don't want for anything materially. I know myself & I would now be sad that I couldn't get those years back. They went by super fast!

[dochas]

I did. I made more than my husband so our income was more than cut in half. I won't lie - it's tough. But then I tell myself that this is what we're going right now because we believe it's the best way and when he goes to school we'll reevaluate. And then the fancy dinners (and shoes, oh the shoes!) don't seem as important.

I do feel like it's changing me for the better too. I can't believe how little we can live on and it makes me really sad that we didn't give more to charity when we had it. It's amazing what we thought we needed.

[Deleted]

I just decided last week that I will be returning to work after thanksgiving. It was a tough decision. We could afford for me to stay home but things would be a little tighter financially. I really have the ideal situation for a working mom, though - short work days (8-2:30), very flexible boss, family-friendly environment, and I'm off June, July and August. Plus they offered 4 weeks of paid leave if I returned. I figure if it doesn't work out, I will resign.

[Deleted]

I went from working two jobs (one part time and one full time) to just the part time. I've steadily added more days at a part time job as DS has gotten older. With this one, I will cut back the desk job again, but to two days a week instead of 3-4.

We are tight, but it has been worth it.

[Deleted]

Yes, money is very tight with me SAH. We decided before TTC that it was very important to both of us that someone be home w/ LO. DH makes 3x what I did, and I wanted to SAH so it was a no-brainer. I was never really in love with my job, it wasn't a career, just a job. And we would have lost 2/3 of my salary to DC. Rather than putting LO in DC to net $500 a month, we decided to whittle that $500 out of our budget. We paid off both cars, cut cable, lowered the monthly cost of car/home insurance by raising the deductible, etc...etc...

8 months in, money is very tight. We're both acutely aware of it. DH gets paid every other week, and we're often down to a couple hundred dollars in our checking account by the end of week 2. We haven't overdrawn yet, but we've had to pull money out of savings for some unexpected things (car repair, new chicken coop for winter). But hey, that's what savings are for.

Did it suck to go from DINKS where we bought anything we wanted to 1 income? Oh hell yes. Have I considered going back to work? Nope, not once, not even for a second. I love being at home. Seeing DS grow up every day, taking care of our farm, keeping DH happy and well-fed has brought me a sense of fulfillment I never had while working. I know that's a little 1950s of me, but I do not care. Everyone in our family is healthy and happy. That is worth more to me than all the disposable income in the world.

But that's me. I completely understand and respect that SAH isn't for every family and families of course can thrive with 2 parents working. This is just what works best for us, working moms please don't flame me I was just answering the OP's questions. I always get antsy answering these kinds of posts for fear of upsetting the working moms.

[mollybrown]

I was laid off, and H and I decided that it was best for me to stay at home for a few years rather than starting a new job since we will TTC again soon. I didn't love the work that I was doing, so it didn't seem worthwhile to spend so much time at work for not that much take home. If I had loved my work, and we weren't TTC, I don't know that we would have made the decision. It worked out great since we were building a house...I'm not sure how we would have handled 2 full time working parents, the kids, and all of the additional meetings and walk throughs that we had to do over the last few months if I was working.

On the flip side, I would have advocated for building a cheaper house if I had known I'd be leaving the workforce. DH disagrees, but I think that's because he hasn't really noticed the luxuries that we have to cut (cleaning service, a big chunk of fun money, most of the travel budget, new car budget). I feel that this is the right decision for now, but I will miss being able spend more money on fun stuff and travel.

My goal eventually is to work part time. I definitely love having a few days just to handle errands, chores, appointments...I think I'm much happier and less stressed by not doing trying to do EVERYTHING while working full time. But I would like to be saving a little more and be able to plan awesome trips again soon.

[pugz]

yeah it is tight for us but I could certainly cut back on some "extras" we still have in the budget. I am still working very part time, picking up shifts a couple of times a month. I'm hoping a job share position will open up so I can work a regular 2 day a week schedule.

[keyslover]

Yep. Like others have said, it isn't for everyone and it is a personal choice. When I was pregnant with DD1 we had not a clue what we were going to do for childcare- I didn't want to put her in daycare, but I had a job. . . what was I to do? I couldn't just quit because money would be tight. Well, I ended up getting laid off at 37 weeks. BEST THING EVER for us. I have been staying at home ever since and love it.
Money is tight and life is a roller coaster, but I love the time with my girls. I never was in love with my career either so no love lost there My youngest is almost 18 months. I will start working again in a couple of years. Right now I am able to let my husband focus on his career (sounds very 1950's housewife I know) and it allows us to be a little more relaxed at home.
The same way people say they could never be a SAHM, I am pretty sure I couldn't be a working mom. I couldn't be that organized. Being a parent is hard and make decisions that will make you and your family happy. Years pass by quickly and you cannot get them back.

[keyslover]

Oh and I love how many people think that we are wealthy because I stay at home with the girls. It is quite the opposite.

[twinsinmd]

We are trying to figure this out. I am currently working 3 days a week, but after paying for day care my take home is $105 a week. I do get paid over the summer when I am not working (I work in the schools) and all of our insurance is through me. I went back to work because DH's insurance SUCKED and i wouldn't take the chance with having substandard care for the babies, but this year it has changed, so it's better. I am always in need, and know that if I leave the schools they would take me back in a second-and I would probably do at least one day of private therapy as a contractor. DH is freaking out, but we really just need to sit down and run the numbers.

[statlerwaldorf]

I worked part-time for a little bit around DH's schedule and it was awful. It put a lot of stress on our marriage and I felt like we didn't get enough family time. Becoming a SAHM has been hard on my career. I've been told that I wasn't even being considered for the position because of the time I had been out of the workforce by a firm.

A lot of it depends on what you mean by tight. I really like being a SAHM. I can deal with not having the largest house or the newest cars. I wouldn't want to struggle to pay the necessities. The hardest part has been not being able to save up as much as I would like for IVF.