a plan, of sorts

[quinny]

N has some pretty hard core sleep issues. He gets up frequently, a minimum of 4 wakes but it more like 6 and can hit upwards of 10 in a night, but we've discovered it is probably my milk that wakes him up and have kind of come up with a solution. The bigger problem is that it takes minimum of 6 hours a day/night to get him to sleep, but usually it is closer to 8. It's a full time job, just to get him to sleep and I'm not talking from bath to sleep. If you took bath,books, etc into account we'd be another 30-90 min per sleep. A normal night or nap goes something like this:

nurse
bounce
rock
hand to K (at night, for naps, it's all me obviously)
bounce
rock
bounce
back to me
nurse
bounce
(2+ hours later)
asleep
2 hours later awake
if I don't nurse him immediately
rock
cry
bounce
repeat for 2 hours
asleep

If it's a nap than he's usually sleeps only 45 min, occasionally 90. It typically takes over 2 times the length of his nap to get him to sleep.

He's been like this since birth. He's never fallen asleep in his swing or playing on his playmat or stuffed to the brim in his high chair or drifted off in my arms while I watch tv or sit in a chair. Every nap and sleep for the last 14 months has required hours of physical labor.

We've tried *everything* no cry, CIO, cosleeping, Montessori floor bed, PU/PD, nursing, bottles of BM, bottles of formula, changing/dropping sleep associations, moving his bed time back or ahead, sleep machines, blankies/lovies, black out curtains, pacifiers, you name it. Nothing works.

An hour ago we were referred to Children's Hospital sleep clinic. I am scared and nervous and hopeful and a small piece of me feels like a failure.

[hlke]

Oh...don't feel like a failure. Those sound like some super intense sleep issues. I hope the program can help you to figure it out.

[seattlekari]

I responded to your post on the other board. I used to work with patients getting sleep studies, so I am familiar with the process.

[tattooedmeegs]

Ditto hlke... you guys have done everything in your power. He needs some help with sleep, and hopefully this program will be a huge help to all of you.

[ssg73]

Hugs
We have friends who had really good luck with Dr. Ferber at children's. I hope you can get some good results. I am sorry you are going through this. I swear one of the few positives of having a nicu baby is that they never learn to fall asleep being held so sleep training so sooooo much easier.

[quinny]

Thanks for all the support. Seriously, I can't tell you how much it means to hear people say it sucks. I've 'complained' to his pedi his whole life but really kicked it into gear since he was about 9 months old. Bbut they were reluctant to give it any attention until he turned one. So, of course, now there's a part of me that feels like they are just pacifying me by finally offering help. I have gone to them in tears for 6+ months, incapable of doing anything for the last year but put him to sleep. I dread bedtime/naptime and try my hardest hard not to sigh or show him, because I don't want to make it worse. Honestly, it's kind of like hell on earth. It's affecting my relationship with friends and family, both with kids and without, everyone thinks we are giving in to him and 'spoiling' him, wen in reality, we've done CIO 3 times and I often resort to just putting him in his room to cry for a few min just to breathe. So, I've stopped complaining to them (and almost everyone) about it and I am beyond my limit. I want to pull my hair out and jump out the window. Or just run away for nap time I've actually thought about putting him in daycare just so I don't have to put him to nap. Crazy. I hope they have answers. My pedi said she has never referred a baby before 2 years for anything but sleep apnea and has never seen anything like this, being so persistent from birth. Now to wait it out until Dec 20...

[rikkiandjulie]

This may or may not help you BUT,y cousin is 14months too. He had horrible horrible sleep problems as well, but they dropped the naps, and keep him awake til bedtime. (7p) for them. He still doesn't STTN not even close and even with no nap takes an hour or more to fall asleep, but my aunt said that if she keeps him awake he's at least willing to try... Could you try no naps?

Also, I hope you get answers, you deserve them. You are a great mom don't feel like a failure, you've done all you could up to now.


Rikki-iPhone

[mk]

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine!! I hope you find some answers soon! God bless you for trying that hard. I think I would have lost it. You're such a good mom!

From Mandy's phone

[2brides]

And you haven't been screaming from the rooftops? Holy moly. I thought my kid was a crappy sleeper (not in comparison) and I whined endlessly. You have the patience of a saint.

I hope you get the answers you (and N) need. Good luck!

[joyseattle]

That sounds really intense -- and I've worked with my fair share of client families with sleep issues. You may have tried this already, but there are professional sleep coaches who can help with in-person or phone consultations, although many require that you rule out any physiological concerns which I'm sure Children's will do. Please let me know if you need referrals to some sleep coaches/counselors.

[eratmama]

Quinny, I am sorry and I do understand! I was just saying to L last night that being a stay at home mom (or any parent) of a kid who sleeps normally is completely different than being a mom of a kid who doesn't. Someone at playgroup told me, "I just prioritize and plan ahead and it's really not hard to get everything done." Right. Your kid sleeps 11 hours through the night and takes a two hour and a one hour nap.

Mine is up all through the night & maybe takes two 20 min naps.

Try not to worry too much about the referral. When our pedi heard how bad Pumpkin's sleep issues were, she didn't bat an eye before saying, "If the adenoid surgery doesn't help, we will refer him to Children's sleep center for an eval." I also feel better knowing we have a plan. I hope yours helps.

And, apparently, feel free to message me, day or night, since I will probably be up, too.