Frustrating.... (TMI)

[awick14]

My temps this month have been all over the place because I've been sick. But I think I should have O'd 3 days ago. Which fit into our plans. I left to work OOT for 3 weeks the and day I think I should have O'd.

For those who don't know my story I have had a long battle with trying to figure my cycle out after BCP.

Anyways I started spotting this afternoon. I was hoping that it was implantation spotting but I'm now unsure as it seems like AF may have shown up. (There was to much blood on my panties to still think spotting)

This whole thing is so frustrating. I wish this was easier. If it is only spotting an I am just crazy, totally a possibility, then it also sucks as I only brought 2 pregnancy tests with me. (I work on an oil rig in the middle of know where an I can't get any more, so I want to try an hold off till the 28th, the day I expect AF)

Sorry for my vent. I just feel so alone in this process. I know I could call DH but he doesn't understand how I feel. He is more of the mind set if it happens it happens. (Urg)

[magpie]

aw, I'm sorry that you are feeling so down. The not knowing and the not being able to have any control is really a hard part of this process. I hope that things straighten out for you and become clearer soon.

I am also feeling a bit frustrated in leaning my cycle after BCP (I'm only on my second cycle, but the first one was 47 days!). I also hear you on DH not really getting it. The "whatever happens happens" mindset makes total sense, but ack, it's so hard to embrace that when you're the one obsessively monitoring temps, peeing on various sticks, and trying to notice every little change in your body to figure out what exactly is happening!

[blindyswife]

({) (})
Sorry you're feeling so frustrated. I have no advice, just internet hugs.

[thatgirl2478]

Yeah - figuring out your cycles after BCP is frustrating! Mine were all over the place. I hope you know for sure either way soon.

[awick14]

Well it is AF. which throws everything off. The last 3 cycles have all been long 44-47 but they were consistent. This cycle would be only 34 days. I'm so frustrated.

Thanx for all you support.

[winecheery]

oh awick ({) (}) I'm so sorry.

The only positive is that your cycles are shortening and becoming more of a normal length, it sounds like.

[awick14]

Thanx.

I know it's good that they are shortening but it was by 1-2 days per cycle an that was nice.

The other thing that sucks is that we are going to have to give up trying until April now. (I will be out of town during every FW from now till then.) in the spring I will be quitting my full time job to work my casual job. (I can work full time hours at that job, this one is just way more money). That will hopefully help with TTC.

I guess the good new is an August baby could possible interfere with DH doing tough mudder again next year as my EDD would have been the exact day he is going to be there.

Edit to add:
My cramps today are a little worse then normal as well and it sucks. I wish I was at home.

[awick14]

I don't want to be a post hog but I feel so lonely right now an this board is do dead.

It hit me a little while ago that now ill have to tell DH this isn't our month. I know he won't care but I do. I feel like I have let him down. This feeling sucks. I feel like I just want to curl up in bed an cry. I would if I wasn't out here. I normally don't care that I'm in the middle of no where with all these men, but I want to go home! I know I can't as she doesn't have someone to cover me if I take time off an I want to have money put away before we get pregnant an this is the best way to get lots of money.



Sorry for venting again.

[glauren]

Don't be sorry for venting! We've all been there - I know I have.
I really thought this last cycle was it for us, so when AF came it hit me HARD; my cramps were also awful, just to add insult to injury.
((hugs))
TTC sucks

[winecheery]

You can always vent here hun. If it helps I am already out this month because DH has to leave town. Sooooo I'm pissed off, because I want the chance each cycle, even if it doesn't happen. Having NO chance is beyond infuriating.

Sorry you're out in no man's land with a bunch of, well, MEN.

[magpie]

Vent away! I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work out this cycle and that you're stuck out in the middle of nowhere. Hugs.

[thoseareradishes]

Sorry you are feeling down Awick. I had a little cry last month when I got another BFN. It's so frustrating. Will you be out of town a lot, or is there a chance you could hit your window if your cycle changes? I thought we would miss it this month with H OOT, but my cycle went a little long last month so O was later this month then we originally thought it would be.

[awick14]

Thanx you guys! I really needed that.

This is only our first month trying and I know it doesn't happen right away for most couples but everyone around me get pregnant whenever they want. SIL, who has two kids picked the month she wanted them born in an had both in the months she wanted. My twin sister had her daughter at 16. (A wonderful accident)

I know many of you have been trying forever so I shouldn't be all upset in my first month but I was so hoping to go back home to my husband an give him the great news.

I work 3 weeks on an then I have 1-2 weeks at home.

This could make my FW turn up one of the times I am home but the next cycle lined up perfectly with my Christmas holidays. so if It wasn't this cycle we could at least try for next.

Wow here I am now curled up in bed sobbing like a baby. It rely means a lot to have you guys here to talk to. And to get all your hugs.

[winecheery]

Awick I was an irrational mess after my first cycle. Same reasons as you. Nobody tells you how hard it really can be and when you're surrounded by people who get KU just thinking about it, it doesn't help!

Getting AF doesn't stop sucking, but it doesn't hurt so much as you keep trying. It just kind of makes you determined I guess.

[serendipity]

Wanted to send hugs your way! Even if it's your first cycle, it is understandable that you are frustrated and upset! We all are going through the same thing so we all feel for you!

[awick14]

Thanx!