Non H&F, something co-worker said

[joenali]

I teach. I got displaced this year because of low enrollment. I still have a job but need to interview for new positions. I was talking with my co-worker and who I thought a good friend. She was on the interview commitee when I interviewed.

Today she said I should come to her for interview help. In my head I was thinking,"I think i'll be ok, I got this job just fine, why would i need help?" And then she said "You barely made it past the interview for here, you did not interview well. YOu were too serious and nervous. But you did bring in work to show, so that was a plus."

WTF x 10?? Rude much? Those kinds of things should either not be said or worded in a much more constructive manner. I was really blown away by this comment. Oh and my interview was two years ago!

Anyway, I will not be seeking this person's advice.
That is all.
Just a vent.

[luvmygsp]

Uh yeah, this.

May 23, 2012 20:54:14 GMT -5 joenali said:

Rude much? Those kinds of things should either not be said or worded in a much more constructive manner.

That is super rude. Wow. Think before you speak people! Dumb.

[taratru]

OMG. Who *says* that?!?!?

I'm sure you'll be amazing!

[jgleespen]

Not. Cool.

[iamali]

I can understand that you feel offended, but if she's a good friend, perhaps she's just trying to be blunt with you?

I doubt she meant any harm by it.

[FishChicks]

Is she the kind of person who is typically blunt? I have what people nicely refer to as a "direct" style, and if someone said that sort of thing to me I'd be a bit surprised, but would really appreciate the thought. Is it possible she just lacks understanding that a less "direct" person wouldn't appreciate her words, and was really trying to be nice? Whatever the case, with your experience, I bluntly expect you to rock the interview!

[Deleted]

She could have worded it differently but I think she was just trying to help you out.

[wildfloweragain]

Wow, I should think twice when I speak maybe because I am about that blunt with my good friends. As for me, I'd want to know. I hate guessing what people mean, so I'd want it as blunt as possible.
I'm sorry it stung you like that.

[agrippa]

Ouch. Maybe she thought she was being constructive?

I got transferred to a new school my second year of teaching (a teacher on a leave of absence was coming back and I was the newest hire) and when I was sitting down to talk to the new principal, he basically told me that I was being forced on him, that I was too quiet to handle high school students, and that he was annoyed that he'd likely be looking for a new teacher at the end of the year. That was, um, awesome to hear.

[clseale]

I agree that she was probably just trying to be helpful. I get why it probably stung and seemed like it came out of the blue, but I think she was probably trying to be constructive and offer some insight that you probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise. It probably could have been worded differently.

[shauni27]

Ugh! Super rude and uncalled for, though she was probably just trying to be nice. It would have made me cry.

[hazelandblue]

Criticism is never easy to take. I do think your friend was only trying to help. Perhaps it could have been sugar coated a bit and still been made effective. Maybe you should give her tips on being tactful.

[keweenawlove]

That's harsh. Even if she did mean well, there's better ways to say it. "I know you're interviewing soon and I just wanted to let you know, when you interviewed here, you did well with x, but you could have done y and z better"

[Melissa W.]

If she said it like you wrote, I don't think it is rude. Being on the interview committee, it is valuable to know what she and possibly the other interviewers were thinking.

[Deleted]

If this is something you need to work on - and she was on the hiring committee, so she obviously has perspective about how you come across during interviews - she is a better friend for telling you (at a time when it was relevant) than if she had just shut up and wished you luck.

[ebeth]

I don't have a particularly thick skin but I don't really think it was that rude or WTFish. especially after you posited 'I got this job just fine. why would I need help?'.

She even tempered it with a statement about what you did right/well.

in fact, she was probably just hoping you'd accept the help and she wouldn't have to get into why she was offering it in the first place.

[patches31709]

May 24, 2012 11:39:05 GMT -5 ebeth said:

I don't have a particularly thick skin but I don't really think it was that rude or WTFish. especially after you posited 'I got this job just fine. why would I need help?'.

She even tempered it with a statement about what you did right/well.

in fact, she was probably just hoping you'd accept the help and she wouldn't have to get into why she was offering it in the first place.

I agree with this.

[melodramatic26]

I also think it was probably meant as constructive criticsm. Maybe not go to her, but in this economy, I would probably error on the side of caution and seek interview help.

[SuziSaysDa]

What she said was rude, but when I was interviewing I did not turn down any help or chance to practice.

In my situation, the recruiter who was rude to me, made me wait on him at our meeting, told me I would be lucky to get any job since I was unemployed and my salary expectations were unrealistic, ended up being the one who got me a really great job, perfect fit, with a salary on the max of what I asked for. I was ready to write him off after my initial meeting with him, but did not sever contact b/c in the end I still needed a job. I am still bitter that he made money off me taking the job, but in the end I won.

The moral of my story - take whatever you can from those asswipes if it will benefit you.

[katieb4tom]

I don't think she was rude at all, but was trying to be helpful in an awkward situation. Of course she didn't mention it before, you had a job and there was no point in telling you that you barely got hired. Now that you need to interview again, as your friend, she is concerned that you will repeat past mistakes and not be so lucky and she wants to help. I'd take her help and be thankful for it. Don't shoot the messenger and try not to take offense. It's tough to receive critical feedback, but it is so crucial to get it if you want to improve.

[InBetweenDays]

Sounds like her heart was in the right place but she worded it very poorly. But good luck on your upcoming interviews!

[stingsharkruns]

Maybe you should go to her for advice - She seems honest. Could she have worded it different? Yes. But, since she was on the interviewing committee last year she probably know what they are looking for..

Is this normally her personality, or was this out of character for her? I'm a "tell it like it is" kind of person. Blowing smoke up someones ass doesn't do anyone any good.

[clseale]

May 24, 2012 14:31:33 GMT -5 stingsharkruns said:

Maybe you should go to her for advice - She seems honest. Could she have worded it different? Yes. But, since she was on the interviewing committee last year she probably know what they are looking for..
.

ITA. I don't understand why you wouldn't go to her for advice, or why you now don't seem to consider her a good friend. I understand that she apparently hurt your feelings, but once I got over that, I'd be happy someone was willing to give me some tips!