wtf

[verycontrary247]

:i'll probably DD this later, so please don't quote:

Thanks y'all for the input

[decemberrain]

Wow, I'm really sorry.
When my H and I were dating he cheated on me with one of my best friends who was dating his best friend. It was really really hard.. Sometimes he will go through these patches of thinking I'm revenge cheating on him. When he was in basic I would get letters from him saying he didn't think he could trust me when he was gone. When he was in tech school I got a phone call at like 2 a.m asking where I was and what I was doing because I wasn't answering my phone (I was sleeping and didn't wake up the first few times he called.. It was really hard until he got home and we had a a long talk. I still feel like this will be an issue in the future though. It makes me so mad though.. I have never cheated on him nor do i plan on it. HE cheated on ME and somehow I cant be trusted..
I wish I could help you with this but it's really something you two will have to work on just make sure he knows how it makes you feel every time this happens. Don't let it build up. Again, I'm really sorry.

[twoplustwo]

I'm so sorry Mary.

I would try counseling, by having a neutral third party in the mix it should help y'all to get things worked out.

If you ever want to talk you know how to find me.

[beans]

I'm sorry VC. That sucks so bad!Hopefully he will come to his senses and realize that he is taking out his issues on you, and deal with them rather than lashing out.

Do you know why he might be feeling down or depressed? Or stressed?

[GracieLouFreebush]

That's tough. I think your suggestion that he get counseling for this is the best option...and maybe some couples counseling when he gets back to make sure you're both on the same page.

[verycontrary247]

Beans- he says it's because he hates his job and he hates everyone he works with because they are all douchebags. To add to that, I think he resents the fact that I'm home hanging out with people I like while he's stuck on the ship.

I'm all about couples counseling, but that's kind of hard to do when he's hardly around. He'll be gone for at least another month.

[jamesonontherocks]

I agree that its all probably worse with him being away and getting depressed. Sounds like he's insecure based on both your past history together and his buddy's situation. Soiunds like someone said once a cheater always a cheater to him and now he has time to think about it.

FWIW (in response to the PPs), back in my young days I was a cheater, frequently but never on purpose. Ive since realized that I was looking for a way out of the relationship I was in (however, it was long distance and with people he never knew. 12 years later, the xbf is one of my best friends and still doesnt know). However, then I was the one with trust issues because I knew how easy it would be.

hope it works out

[honeybadger]

I don't have any suggestions other than what has already been mentioned. Can you get a counselor of your own and maybe brainstorm? Or someone through the base who is anonymous (in the AF they are called MFLCs, I believe. I saw one here about 2 years ago.) and you can vent to and he can help you, since you mentioned his work situation is a big issue?

I realize he isn't happy with his work surroundings right now, but he needs to find a healthy way to outlet those frustrations. Dwelling on the past or insecurities stemming from the past just won't do anything but ruin the progress you guys have made. He'll still be left with the work junk.

I'm so sorry, M. Hang in there!

[beans]

May 24, 2012 9:29:43 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

I forgot you asked for no quotes.

I hear that. DH is not exactly thrilled with his work situation right now either. I would just help him/encouraging him to figure out a way to be less miserable with that. Its not your fault that his coworkers and job situation suck. Is there any way he can switch something so that he's either in a different job or a different crew or anything? (I know with mil thats not really easy, thought I would ask) Otherwise he is going to have to figure out some coping skills to deal with it.

Not cool to take shit out on you for things you can't help.

[ilovelamp]

I'm not sure if your H is underway where he can use his phone. If he is, MilOne Source does over the phone counseling.

[beachy]

I'm sorry you're going through this, especially with the underways I know it can't be easy. He'll deploy again soon then right?

If he is willing to do counseling now you can still do it together through the Chaplain. You can go to the Chaplain on base and he can go to the Chaplain on the ship, and then the Chaplain's will talk to each other. I know it's not ideal, but it's better than nothing and can be a way to get things started before he comes home. If you don't want to go that route then he should at least go talk to the Chaplain himself. I totally understand that there is job frustration, but at the same time he can't treat you like shit just because he is upset. It's not fair to you and you're right that it's emotional abuse.

[sookie]

I have a friend who's in a similar situation right now, and it's been so hard. I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but please reach out to us if you need to talk/vent/bitch/whatever! It has to be hard being away on a ship while your wife/husband is home with friends, but that's just part of his job that he'll have to learn to cope with. ((hugs))