I'm having issues with God and I need to get my

[missyny]

baby baptized.
We haven't been to church since Ian's Christening! and I called up the pastor this morning and he was kinda weird with me. I'm not sure if I am just feeling insecure speaking with him b/c I'm ashamed that we haven't been to church... or that I feel guilty b/c I'm struggling with my faith so much... or what!? But, EW! I feel all judged and ick now!
He said something like, "well... we'd like to see you in church for a couple months before we do it; I'll send you an info packet on our baptisms."

duhh!! Both of my other kids were baptized there! I know how it works!

you guys.
Is God for real?

I just want to knowwwwwwwwwwww! It's bothering me and I'm leaning on the no the past two years and it makes me feel shitty.

The stuff I teach my daughter is what i WANT to believe, but I just don't.

[scotty]

Maybe baptism isn't necessary right now? Maybe that's something that you need to think on, and that's okay, imo.

[rhiannon]

My son hasn't been baptized either. My H is Catholic and I'm Buddhist, so we're not sure how to handle this. My son is being raised Christian, however.

[Marle]

You're so not alone. I believe in God and was raised catholic but by now after my own faith crisis I do not believe in organized religion and nothing pisses me off as the "rules" for baptism here.

I baptized Logan in Colombia for my mom and because it was a chance to celebrate with the family while she was sick. I have no idea what I am going to teach him. DH is an anthropology and religion major so I've told him he is more qualified to take that on.

[snipsnsnails]

Aww, missy. I remember you posting on this stuff before. I'm sorry.

I will say that the degree to which you are really thinking over and wrestling with whatever your faith ends up being or looking like will just make it stronger and more resilient and more of your own. And that's for wherever you end up. I'm always of a mindset that the wrestling is just as important as the "end result."

[bluesmoothie]

I don't believe in God. At least, I don't believe in a God that gives a shit about baptisms and stuff like that. I'm pretty sure if there is something larger out there a) we couldn't possibly comprehend it with our feeble brains and b) whatever It is it got the hell out of Dodge a long time ago.

If I may quote Depeche Mode, "I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors, but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die, I expect to find him laughing."

[missyny]

May 24, 2012 12:05:06 GMT -5 scotty said:

Maybe baptism isn't necessary right now? Maybe that's something that you need to think on, and that's okay, imo.

I wish I could be easy breezy about this, but I have pressure from my side of family who is all into it. I had Ev and Ian Christened by age 4 months. Emelia is still only 2 months right now. But... I think we're looking at AUgust.

I just have this shit attitude like... 'get this done and then be done with chruch!" (except I pretend around evelyn that I'm into it and I take her to VBS in the summers)

ughh. I feel so deceptive.

[deanlicker78]

I don't like ministers like that, I feel like they push people away when clearly that's not what they want.

When I went to get Ava baptized I had only attended our church at Christmas time and that was it. In spite of that our minister was excited to baptize her and his enthusiasm was what caused us to become members.

[peachykate]

I agree that your pastor is a dick.

We had Jackson baptized, I was the only one who went the classes and the deacon but was nothing but kind to me. We sat and talked about how I struggle with my faith and he said he would like to see my in church but there was NOTHING at all about them not baptizing Jackson if I didn't agree to show up. He really was awesome, I haven't gone back but if he was the guy who met DH and I to talk about our wedding I am sure I never would have left the church in the first place.

You would think these people would want to be bringing people into the church and not potentially pushing them further away.

((Hugs))

[evee]

I do believe there is a God who watches over us each and every second of the day. He watches over everyone. He only helps those who want to be helped. His arms of grace and mercy will only fall over you if you let him. But if you push and pull and try to do things your own way, rather than believe in faith, you will fail. It's impossible not to fail without God's help. IMO of course.

[gretchenindisguise]

I've wavered pretty heavily over the past 4ish years. I'm more and more firm in the no camp these days. L was baptized in Spain and I'm sure if we have another kiddo we'll do it for him/her too because it's important to H's family. I had to kiss a baby jesus though and it was weird.

[bluesmoothie]

May 24, 2012 12:11:12 GMT -5 evee said:

I do believe there is a God who watches over us each and every second of the day. He watches over everyone. He only helps those who want to be helped. His arms of grace and mercy will only fall over you if you let him. But if you push and pull and try to do things your own way, rather than believe in faith, you will fail. It's impossible not to fail without God's help. IMO of course.

I guess all of those people who get killed by drunk drivers, or those 2 year olds that die of cancer, did not want to be helped. Sucks to be them.

[Marle]

May 24, 2012 12:12:01 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

I've wavered pretty heavily over the past 4ish years. I'm more and more firm in the no camp these days. L was baptized in Spain and I'm sure if we have another kiddo we'll do it for him/her too because it's important to H's family. I had to kiss a baby jesus though and it was weird.

OMG you should have seen the field day my husband had at the class we had to take before Logan's baptism. I had to stifle my laugh. He kept texting me how wrong the priest was regarding history and statistics. We kept making blasphemous jokes during this time because well, my motivation was very limited to "putting on a show"

[dcannie]

May 24, 2012 12:08:58 GMT -5 missyny said:

I wish I could be easy breezy about this, but I have pressure from my side of family who is all into it. I had Ev and Ian Christened by age 4 months. Emelia is still only 2 months right now. But... I think we're looking at AUgust.

don't let anyone pressure you into this. the decision is up to your and your h.

[deanlicker78]

May 24, 2012 12:11:12 GMT -5 evee said:

I do believe there is a God who watches over us each and every second of the day. He watches over everyone. He only helps those who want to be helped. His arms of grace and mercy will only fall over you if you let him. But if you push and pull and try to do things your own way, rather than believe in faith, you will fail. It's impossible not to fail without God's help. IMO of course.

You do know that there are plenty of people that pray like mad for help and never receive it. How do you explain that oh wise one?

[Deleted]

This is us too. I'm Catholic and H is something.. we don't go to church, we weren't even married in a church. My mom keeps bugging me to get DS baptized, which I want to also because I want him to go to Catholic school. I'm afraid that they (the church) will turn us down because we don't attend and don't plan to. I believe in God, but I don't think that you can only 'know' God at church.

[gretchenindisguise]

May 24, 2012 12:16:44 GMT -5 Marle said:

May 24, 2012 12:12:01 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

I've wavered pretty heavily over the past 4ish years. I'm more and more firm in the no camp these days. L was baptized in Spain and I'm sure if we have another kiddo we'll do it for him/her too because it's important to H's family. I had to kiss a baby jesus though and it was weird.

OMG you should have seen the field day my husband had at the class we had to take before Logan's baptism. I had to stifle my laugh. He kept texting me how wrong the priest was regarding history and statistics. We kept making blasphemous jokes during this time because well, my motivation was very limited to "putting on a show"

I'm so glad we didn't have to take a course. It was just show up at the church and kiss the baby jesus.

[GailGoldie]

That is why it is called faith. You just believe... But you can have doubts an that is ok.

I would not baptize if you don't intend to follow through with the promises you make at the altar to god during the ceremony. Wait until you are ready or your child is.

My parents didnt baptize me bc they realized they never took their 3 other kids to church so felt it was hypocritical to do it again.

I got baptized as an adult by my own choice and it meant a lot to me. I wouldnt make religious promises I didn't intend to keep... Wait until it feels right.

[eightangryreindeer]

Ah, the almighty collection plate.
I was in a panic trying to get married in Nigel's church - they needed a letter that I was a Catholic in Good Standing and the priest from my childhood parish said no. I'd been moving around for so many years at that point I didn't know what I'd do. My parents were still somewhat active in their church in CT and their pastor wrote me the letter never having met me, ever, but because my parents still went to church.
I disagree with being mad that lapsing in attendance is something that shouldn't be considered when asking for a sacrament.
My recommendation to Missy is this - talk to the pastor and say, "I am questioning my faith, BUT, I still want my child to be baptized in the faith so that they may someday figure it out on their own without the burden of my own doubts."
Depending on how he handles that with you is whether or not I'd look for a new church altogether.

[gretchenindisguise]

May 24, 2012 12:11:12 GMT -5 evee said:

I do believe there is a God who watches over us each and every second of the day. He watches over everyone. He only helps those who want to be helped. His arms of grace and mercy will only fall over you if you let him. But if you push and pull and try to do things your own way, rather than believe in faith, you will fail. It's impossible not to fail without God's help. IMO of course.

This is honestly one of the things I hate about religion. I worked with the destitute of the destitute at my old job and so many struggled with religion. I had to hear so much, "did I not pray hard enough?" "Does god hate me and that's why I'm like this?" type stuff. It made me so so so very angry at religion and their religious institutions for placing the blame on them and making them feel even worse about themselves.

[pantsparty]

I've kind of stopped believe in God since my brother died. Or at least I don't believe that he/she/whatever is this force everyone thinks has all this power. I don't think prayer does shit, especially considering all the terrible things that happen to a lot of people.

I do believe your pastor is a douche and you shouldn't be in any rush to get baptized there. If there is a God, I don't think baptism is that big of a deal. But I understand if all your kids are baptized, you'd like the same thing for all of them.

[melodramatic26]

I don't think the preacher is being judgey. It's a sin to be baptized, take communion etc without having the conviction behind the action.

I'm thinking the preacher totally feels like this is all for show and probably a little bit of mockery of the Christian faith. You can't blame him for not being super excited to be a part of this.

that said, if you are just doing this for show, then just do it and get it over with. But in the meantime, do a lot of soul searching on how you want to present this to your daughter b/c the questions aren't going to get any easier (from her or your family).

[missyny]

Yeah. I'm totally lying. To God, to the pastor, to the community and to my kids. BUTT.. i'm doing it FOR them. I want them to have faith. I wish I did. I think I used to, but it slipped away and I'm so jaded now.
I want to believe the things I'm trying to teach my children. So, I don't want to "wait until I have this sorted out in my head" b/c I fear I never will and I don't want my children to suffer for it.

I want to stand at the alter with my baby, have him accepted into the community of the church and into God's eyes as so, and be done with it.

I want to take my 5 year old to VBS so she can learn that God loves her no matter what and do crafts and sing songs and leave all other 'rules and conditions' out of it. blargh!

p.s. Bluesmoothie, I love Depeche Mode!

[Marle]

May 24, 2012 12:25:39 GMT -5 eightangryreindeer said:

My recommendation to Missy is this - talk to the pastor and say, "I am questioning my faith, BUT, I still want my child to be baptized in the faith so that they may someday figure it out on their own without the burden of my own doubts."
Depending on how he handles that with you is whether or not I'd look for a new church altogether.

this is wonderful advice. As always.

[welder'swife]

I like that our church dedicates infants--we don't do infant baptism. The parents, the pastor, and the members of the church all promise to be in the child's religious life and help to raise them up in the eyes of God. I was dedicated by our pastor (I was the first baby he dedicated at our particular church , and my daughter was dedicated by him as well. I think we are a special case, having a pastor that has been with our church for 26 years. It truly is a family church. FWIW, we're Congregational (non-denominational).

[missyny]

May 24, 2012 12:13:21 GMT -5 @iamsnazzy said:

This is one of my biggest reasons for not going to church anymore. Before my H and I got married, we moved in together 3 hours away from my hometown and the pastor that was going to marry us. His wife somehow found this out on Facebook, told him, and next thing I know we're getting a phone call saying that he's not sure he can marry us anymore. It was so judgey and just ... bleh.

I'm sorry you felt judged. I do think there is a God and I think he is much more accepting than most of his followers would have people believe.

OH.
MY.
....
GODDDDDDDDDD!
Did he end up marrying you afterall? Did you even WANt him to after that? That is messssed up.

[melodramatic26]

May 24, 2012 12:28:25 GMT -5 frkls said:

i'm here to defend douchey pastors!!! LOL!

i don't know what denomination you are, but most baptism services involve a covenant where the parents promise to guide their children in the faith. it also involves a part where the congregation promises to guide the children in teh faith. you haven't been holding up your end of the deal and you have kept the congregation from keeping up their end. i dno't blame your pastor. he takes the covenant seriously. why would he say, "come on down and make another promise that you're not going to keep to your children and our church!"

there's no rush on the baptism. if you don't like your pastor, go somewhere else. maybe somewhere that has a "seekers" class.

eta: i didn't read all the responses, i just skimmed and saw that people were upset that your pastor wasn't all, "step right up, we'll do your baptism no questions asked!!"

this is what I was trying to say. The pastor's wife obviously said it better. lol

[melindafelinda]

I have no advice about the baptism, but I will add that I am very happy and content being an atheist. So know that if your searching does lead you there, it doesn't have to be a scary choice.

[missyny]

May 24, 2012 12:28:25 GMT -5 frkls said:

i'm here to defend douchey pastors!!! LOL!

i don't know what denomination you are, but most baptism services involve a covenant where the parents promise to guide their children in the faith. it also involves a part where the congregation promises to guide the children in teh faith. you haven't been holding up your end of the deal and you have kept the congregation from keeping up their end. i dno't blame your pastor. he takes the covenant seriously. why would he say, "come on down and make another promise that you're not going to keep to your children and our church!"

there's no rush on the baptism. if you don't like your pastor, go somewhere else. maybe somewhere that has a "seekers" class.

eta: i didn't read all the responses, i just skimmed and saw that people were upset that your pastor wasn't all, "step right up, we'll do your baptism no questions asked!!"

I know you're right. totally. and I think the pastor is actually a super nice guy. It is a promise. I made that promise twice before. I gotta make it again and I'm the one uncomfortable b/c I already know I'm not full hearted going in. Just sucks feeling judged by the "holy"

btw, i grew up catholic and now we're nondenominational christians.

[rhiannon]

I say to each their own. One day we will all know for sure, but until then, a higher power sees what is in our hearts anyway, so there is no use in trying to hide it. I believe hiding it would be much worse than just admitting true feelings, IMO, because that is being completely dishonest. I do believe there is a higher power at work, but whether it is God, nature, or whatever else I have no idea. I am open about it, however, and love to talk with people about their beliefs. Faith is a very personal thing, and whatever brings someone peace I am all for.