Poll: Who's Parents are More Supportive

[rikkiandjulie]

Out of curiosity who's parents are more supportive of LGBT things and support your choice as a couple more? If they are equally supportive, whose family was more supportive in the beginning (coming out), or heck has it flip flopped?


Rikki-iPhone

[Deleted]

I came out to my Dad 4 years before I met J, he took it in stride, he has been accepting but not supportive. He is christian and believes that hetero relationships are how it's supposed to be but has come to accept my lifestyle and love my wife/family.

J's mom had a really hard time with her coming out and since I was the first gf they had met, my introduction really tested the waters. Her family has been really supportive of us, even extended family that we thought would take issue with our relationship.

[cymru]

We are really lucky in that both sides of our family are supportive of us.

My mom had a hard time when I first came out ( many years before Carol) but she was okay once her mother gave me her blessing.

We had more problems with some of the far extended family on Carol's side - but funny how they haven't been invited around for a long time. Her mom is a firm believer in if you don't want to accept my kids I don't need you.

[twotrue]

Nov 26, 2012 10:46:04 GMT -5 rikkiandjulie said:

Out of curiosity who's parents are more supportive of LGBT things and support your choice as a couple more? If they are equally supportive, whose family was more supportive in the beginning (coming out), or heck has it flip flopped?

I don't really have answers to these because for me it isn't about a "choice" that they need to support.

K came out so long ago that some people on this board weren't even born yet. Her mom disowned her and her dad didn't really blink an eye. Then her mom came around and now you would think her mother started the LGBT Right's movement. By the time I showed up on the scene no one gave a shit. They just didn't think we'd actually be serious because of our age difference.

I didn't have a coming out. To say that I came out, to me, means that prior to coming out I was hiding. I never hid. There were no secret emotions. I just went with what felt right and dated who I was interested in. I only told my parents about women though when it came to K because the others weren't worth what I knew would be drama. But even though my parents didn't know about other women, it never was like hiding it because they didn't know about every guy I dated either. So anyway, my mom cried, and cried, and cried. My dad was cool from day one. But, even though my mom cried she always included K in everything and sent her birthday cards and Christmas presents from the start. My mom eventually got over her upset and all is good.

[2brides]

Both, but just in different ways.

my dad is more vocally supportive of LGBT rights, but is like oil and water with L. They are civil to each other, but rub each other the wrong way and get in little digs here and there. My parents did come to our wedding.

With L's parents, it is more "don't ask, don't tell." We never talk about LBGT issues, but they are supportive of us, visit us for stretches of time (just left from a weeks visit), and seemingly have no issue with us. But they didn't attend our wedding.

ETA: I will say that when I came out, my parents were initially cool and then turned downright nasty and mean. That lasted for a few months, until they realized that the choice was be civil and be part of my life or continue being an ass and lose their only child.

Like K, L came out before many of you were born. She'd had a long term relationship before me and was obviously out (though it was never discussed) and then didn't date really for the 4 years between that relationship ending and us starting to date. She essentially had to come out to her mom all over again - who confessed she hoped it was a phase and was going to start dating men. And while I am sure, she probably still thinks that - she would never say that and we get along well.

[rikkiandjulie]

Two I know it's not a choice, unjust didn't have a better of wording what I was trying to say.


Rikki-iPhone

[kershnic]

I'd say they're pretty equally supportive (which is very supportive) in their own ways. Both sides were very involved in all aspects of our wedding and both sides certainly accept us as a couple. My parents were active through our church against the recent marriage amendment efforts in MN, and I think my mom gets a kick out of being connected to the movement. . She was all excited to get a wedding picture framed and send it with my dad to his very Catholic place of employment. My 'coming out' to them was simply 'remember my friend B? We're in a relationship.'
I think openness has come less naturally to B's parents due to religion and living in a smaller town, etc. But knowing that makes me appreciate all the more how loving they have been towards her and welcoming to me.

[joyseattle]

My family on my mom's side has always been supportive, largely due to the fact that my uncle came out as a young adult in the 80s and paved the way for me. My mom did think it was a phase when I told her at 18 that I was bi (now I identify as queer) but I was dating a guy (my best friend who's now out as gay) and it was moot. I then dated a couple women and a couple men before I met C. My dad's side is more religious and it's basically been don't ask don't tell. Everyone that's met C has instantly loved her and treated her with respect. If it was any other way we wouldn't spend time with them.

C's mom and brother are her only close family (her dad passed away when she was young). She dated one woman before me, which her mom knew but since they lived far apart I don't think it was real. Her mom thought it was a phase and in fact after I moved in with C her mom came and stayed with us and asked C if she was ever going to date a man. Hello, I'm right here and we LIVE together. LOL. C just takes it all in stride as her mom is older and culturally traditional. Her brother didn't seem to care at all. Neither of them came to our wedding, but neither did my dad's side, more to do with distance/cost than being unsupportive. Her mom has come around in that I think she knows I've been here for 7 years, we own a house together, etc., etc.

I do think it will be interesting when we have kids to see how that may impact some of the more distant relationship.

[hlke]

I think they are both supportive in their own ways, but I will admit I've struggled with C's family's reaction to our relationship sometimes.

With my mom and dad it was like "okay, we trust you to make good decisions". End of story. My dad passed away shortly after I came out to them, but my mom has been very supportive and loves C like a daughter.

C's parents are career military (her dad retired in 2002) and I think literally they have never known a gay person except maybe C's mom's hairdresser. They are very traditional, and have gone to more and more conservative churches since he retired. They are very influenced by some abstract conformist notion of what is the "right" way to live. So it has definitely been more of a struggle for them to accept C's sexuality and our relationship. At the beginning it was very hard on C, and more recently it has been hard on me. They are also not very demonstrative or openly loving, and that has been very hard on me. But I honestly really respect how far they have come, because I know it has not been easy for them. Each time something new comes up, it takes them 3-6 months to adjust to and accept the idea. Right now they are struggling with the idea of us having and raising children, but you can see that they are processing it, and will probably eventually accept it, like they have with everything else. My relationship with them is difficult, but 1000% better than it was at the beginning, and they came to our wedding and even gave a toast at the rehearsal dinner. I really think most of our difficulties would be the same with any spouse of their children, and actually they have a better relationship with me than they do with my sister-in-law.

Like Joy, I do think having kids will upset the balance in a few relationships. My aunt hasn't spoken to me since I came out, but I'm close with my cousins, so that might get awkward someday.

[eratmama]

My parents by a long shot. They are more liberal to begin with. And a lot more touchy feely.

But i will say that L's mom has come a looong way . I would have never thought she would be saying some of the things she says now. And she seems to have forgotten some of the horrible things she said, and just remembers that she "always loved her daughter." Sigh