I don't know how else to put it, but I always feel like a nobody sitting over in the corner. I laugh at other people's stories and jokes but when I don't know people very well its hard for me to figure out what things to talk about. I just can't make small talk without soundling like an idiot (picking some random thing to talk about). I'm an introvert and definitely don't have a boisterous personality like some people but it is fun to be around people who are. I'm definitely more reserved than I used to be though too-not sure why. I talk about my kid sometimes, but I don't want to be that person who thats all they talk about. I don't travel that much and I don't go to a lot of concerts, etc. I'm just boring...but I'm sort of comfortable with that. I also feel like I always have the opposite opinion on things, which makes me want to talk even less. WTH is wrong with me. Is anyone else like this? How do you start to meet new people?
I was invited to a party last night and it was fun but most of the people there knew each other prior to this and I'm afraid the host thought I was a stick in the mud.
As an example-several ladies were talking about things they want for Xmas but then their spouses wanted this or that. Add in kids with wants and "who has money for all that" or "guess I'll be paying on the credit card for the next year." Or talking about how they had good intentions to start saving early in the year but it never happened...the only thing my social inept brain could think of was using credit cards to finance gifts is bad (I didn't say that out loud). I just sat there nodding my head. Yeah, I'm loads of fun. Someone help me!
Post by gettingfitt on Dec 4, 2012 11:17:51 GMT -5
I can be socially akward around people I don't know well. I never know when or how to jump into a conversation. I think I overthink it and start freaking myself out. The best thing to loosen up is have a drink and I am normally fine after that. Then the next time I see that group of people it is way easier to talk to them.
I am like that too and I'm not sure what I would say in that situation honestly. It will get better with time as you see people more often though. Maybe this group of people was just not a good fit for you so you felt like you had nothing to contribute. I tried to join the social committee in my neighborhood and realized that I have nothing in common with the ladies there and never went back. I try to spend more time with the people I do genuinely like and relate to. quality over quantity
I find myself feeling more awkward if I open my mouth just for the sake of making conversation. I can't tell you how often I look back on my life and think, "Why the fuck did I say something so stupid?"
I just try to be polite and a good listener, and I chime in if I've got something sensible or funny to say. If people think I'm boring, then oh well ... I'd rather be boring than annoying.
Ask people lots of questions about themselves. That is the easiest way to start to participate more deeply in a conversation.
A member of my family is EXCELLENT at this, and I learned so much from her.
Good questions like: "What surprised you most about your trip to Thailand?" "What was your favorite part of Breaking Dawn Part 2 when you saw it last weekend?" "How did you get to know the host of our party tonight?"
I feel like I talk too much. So, everybody has something.
And as a talker, I never mind when someone listens attentively and knods their head. I'm having fun talking, you seem interested = win.
A really easy technique to sound smart and interesting around strangers with different opinions is to ask leading questions or follow-up questions. People LOVE it. Like, "Tell me more abouit that Christmas present you want" "So, what happened with your husband's gift?" Or something generic "That sounds interesting, tell me a little more." Practice with people you know, it's a very nice tool in social situations.
I'm very socially awkward. I dread social events because I know I'll have to make small talk. I've trained myself to just start asking a lot of questions. People seem to enjoy talking about themselves, so asking questions brings on a conversation without me having to do much talking.
I love people who talk a lot. It takes the pressure off of me.
I think everyone feels awkward to some degree. I'm an extrovert and generally wish I could shut up. I am very easily embarrassed which even my closest friends and family find hard to believe, so a lot of people are self-conscious when you don't realize it.
Small talk is not so hard--think of any generally non-offensive topic. And you might run into a few bumps, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Kids, pets, jobs, local sports teams, anything you can sincerely complement someone on, etc. I find it a good challenge to find something in common with everyone I meet.
And you don't need to be an extrovert--it's nice to have people in a group who are pleasant and happy but may not be talking tons.
I'm definitely like this, too. As a matter of fact, I just got an invitation to a (jewelry) party that I'd really like to go to, but it's likely I'll only know about 1-2 other people there out of about 50. I'm scared to go.
Post by jennistarr1 on Dec 4, 2012 12:18:19 GMT -5
some ideas: ask people about themselves...so in above scenario "how many people do you have to buy for" "What's on your wish list"...then as they answer, think of your own answer and add that to the reply...and then ask another question. So if they say they have to buy for neices and nephews, ask what their ages are.
You can also ask "what do you do" "what was the last vacation you took" "what's on your ipod"
Pets (kind of goes along with kids where you don't want this to be all you talk about)...this is what I do to build rapport with patients, for many people, they love talking about their dog/cat and happy to share a story about them and if you have a pet to, it's something you can relate with.
Make up...compliment they're eye shadow or wherever and ask what brand it is and does it come in a big palette and then talk about how you have such a tough time finding a palette you like
these are just ideas, but basically start a conversation with a question and be prepared to ask follow up questions and add some of your own relevance...figure out a few topics you would be good at doing this with and try it out.
I am definitely an introvert and social events are somewhat awkward for me as well. As bad as it may sound, I find that having a drink or two is the best way for me to relax and engage in conversations with others.
I'm super socially awkward and hate small talk, but it is part of my job. For girls, I find something they are wearing to compliment, ask where they got it, etc. For men, I ask how long they have been in the industry, what are their current projects and why are they interesting. Things like that. This is silly, but I always picture the scene from Ever After, where just before she walks into the party, she says "just breathe."
I feel like I talk too much. So, everybody has something.
And as a talker, I never mind when someone listens attentively and knods their head. I'm having fun talking, you seem interested = win.
A really easy technique to sound smart and interesting around strangers with different opinions is to ask leading questions or follow-up questions. People LOVE it. Like, "Tell me more abouit that Christmas present you want" "So, what happened with your husband's gift?" Or something generic "That sounds interesting, tell me a little more." Practice with people you know, it's a very nice tool in social situations.
I went through a 5 year period where I was having major social anxiety. I finally realized that the less I talked, the MORE stressed out I was about it. So I just started talking. I compliment people's clothing/accessories, ask where the kids are that night, if they have pets, etc. People responded really well, which gave me more confidence, which led me to be more talkative.
Just remember that worst case scenario, they don't like to talk about what you bring up. If that happens, someone will change the subject. i swear it gets easier!
Ask people lots of questions about themselves. That is the easiest way to start to participate more deeply in a conversation.
A member of my family is EXCELLENT at this, and I learned so much from her.
Good questions like: "What surprised you most about your trip to Thailand?" "What was your favorite part of Breaking Dawn Part 2 when you saw it last weekend?" "How did you get to know the host of our party tonight?"
This is my go to trick as well. I find that most people appreciate the opportunity to talk about themselves (without seeming self centered). I much prefer to listen so its a win-win for me.
Ask people lots of questions about themselves. That is the easiest way to start to participate more deeply in a conversation.
A member of my family is EXCELLENT at this, and I learned so much from her.
Good questions like: "What surprised you most about your trip to Thailand?" "What was your favorite part of Breaking Dawn Part 2 when you saw it last weekend?" "How did you get to know the host of our party tonight?"
This. People love talking about themselves. Usually.
I'm always asking people questions about either something we're both experiencing, a follow up to something they just said, or whatever.
I've found that once I start asking questions the conversation just flows from there. But I'm a naturally loud, boisterous person who often got in trouble for talking too much in elementary school.