I often lurk on here but decided to be brave and finally join in and post my budget. I'd appreciate any suggestions/comments.
I'm going to have to start paying back some student loans within the next few months. So I've created a new budget to accommodate these changes and it doesn't look good. I really need help analyzing the situation and finding things that I can cut.
My husband and I have a joint account for shared expenses (50/50) and individual accounts for the remainder of our money. He refuses to help me pay off any student loan debt (he has no SL debt and makes about $12K more a year than me). Somewhat understandable but still... Husband keeps annoyingly dropping hints that I should get a second job. I used to work retail on the weekends to make extra money but it just got to be too much to handle - I'm currently in an MBA program and working full-time. <--- this is probably irrelevant but I just needed to vent.
So here goes:
Before tax 6% contribution to 401K (plus company match = 10% total contribution) Health Insurance Health Savings Account Contribution - $134/month
After-tax/insurance/401K Income $2,390.00
50% of shared expenses (my half) Mortgage (30 year @ 3.75%) $1,360 total $680.00 *includes escrow and insurance Food ($500 total for 2 people - includes eating out) $250.00 Electric (average $120) $66.00 Pets ($85 total) $42.00 Trash ($96 every quarter) $16.00
Individual expenses Car (72 mo @ 1.9% to be paid off July 2016) $309.00 Car Insurance $88.00 Internet $46.00 Cable TV $52.00 AES student loan $7,771.14 @ 2.91% $48.22 NELNET B student loan $7,390 @ 6.8% $86.05 NELNET C student loan $4,302 @ 6.8% $50.10 NELNET E student loan $4,588 @ 6.55% $33.97 NELNET F student loan $8,788 @ 6.55% $65.07 NELNET G student loan $4,518 @ 6.8% $56.20 Gas $250.00 Spend Money $100.00 Savings $100.00 TOTAL $2,338.61 Left Over $51.39
Add'l facts: All utilities are electric; we have a well and septic tank My husband pays our cell phone bill Personal Savings = $200.00 * yes, absolutely pathetic but I just cleaned out my savings account to pay off all my CC debt
I expect some sort of raise in April or May - most likely 2%
Goal - to not take on any more debt, save $1000 in an emergency fund, and get ahead so I'm not pulling my hair out every time I look at my budget.
Some options: Reduce 401K contribution from 6% to 3% - will give me an extra $90/month Buy more fuel efficient car with lower payment - con: will probably result in taking on more debt (I have a 40+ mile round trip commute everyday in a SUV) Get a part-time job on the weekends Talk to car insurance co to see if I can reduce anything Convince husband to help me pay off some student loans
No, not understandable that he thinks your marriage and finances aren't 50/50. He doesn't get to live a higher lifestyle than you now that you are married.
No, not understandable that he thinks your marriage and finances aren't 50/50. He doesn't get to live a higher lifestyle than you now that you are married.
It is not understandable, was this discussed prior to being married to him about 50/50? If he is making more, then the finances are split up incorrectly. Suze orman had something like this on her segment last week. If he makes 10% more then you, he should be paying at least 60% to be fair here.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Jan 14, 2013 12:23:37 GMT -5
This is not okay. You can't afford half that mortgage payment given your other debt burden. I'd move into a cheaper rental with a different roommate to save money.
It is not understandable, was this discussed prior to being married to him about 50/50? If he is making more, then the finances are split up incorrectly. Suze orman had something like this on her segment last week. If he makes 10% more then you, he should be paying at least 60% to be fair here.
You need to talk with you husband about splitting your joint expenses 60/10 or something. There is nothing wrong with separate finances, but it needs to be fair. He should not have a ton of discretionary spending while you struggle to get by. He is being completely selfish expecting you to work a 2nd job when it's not needed. You need to be working together to acheive goals, not against each other.
First, I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk about where the two of you see your finances going, in the long run. Some couples are totally fine with keeping funds separate, and it can work. However, having different income levels and trying to stick with 50/50 can create a lot of resentment. Does your husband support you doing your MBA? I mean, when my husband was in school and only working part time, we reworked the budget so that I was paying more of the household expenses, as I had more income and he didn't have time to work more hours. Plus, I would think that an MBA would probably help you get a better job in the future - so your entire family (you + H) will benefit from this degree. If you got a job making 20k more after you graduate, is he going to be ok with you still paying 50/50 expenses?
Do you need to come up with more money for tuition in future semesters? Is that going to come from student loans?
Honestly, your budget looks tight but ok, if you can stick with it, but if your H took on more of a proportionate share of the expenses, then you'd have extra funds to build up savings and pay down the loans faster than the minimum.
He's very supportive with my school. We've been together the entire time I was in undergrad until now. He's hoping that one day I end up making more money than him ...but he still won't help cover the costs of getting that degree... He's a stubborn bull but I knew this when I married him.
My job pays for my MBA now so I won't be taking on any more SL debt. I used to take two classes a semester but now I've dropped it down to just one. It really gets to be too much to handle! Plus cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking...
So once you get your MBA, will you be making more money? Do you have the potential to make significantly more than your H? What happens if one of you lose your job? Who paid for your H's schooling? What happens when you have kids? These are all things that make it hard to do a 50/50 split vs something fair. I have a CW who does a 50/50 split, her H makes double what she does. He drives a new car and she drives a clunker. He goes on vacations with his brothers because "he has the money to." I would have kicked him to the curb, especially once they had a baby. Its like making sure your child knows your dad doesn't think of mom as an equal so the kid will probably start treating her like dirt too. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with your H.
So once you get your MBA, will you be making more money? Do you have the potential to make significantly more than your H? What happens if one of you lose your job? Who paid for your H's schooling? What happens when you have kids? These are all things that make it hard to do a 50/50 split vs something fair. I have a CW who does a 50/50 split, her H makes double what she does. He drives a new car and she drives a clunker. He goes on vacations with his brothers because "he has the money to." I would have kicked him to the curb, especially once they had a baby. Its like making sure your child knows your dad doesn't think of mom as an equal so the kid will probably start treating her like dirt too. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with your H.
It's not really cool that he refuses to help with your student loans. I just cannot wrap my head around thinking like that.
Why do you pay for cable and internet, he doesn't use them at all?
What happens at tax time, do you split your total tax liability in half and pay the other person the difference?
Is he open to joining finances but only after the SLs are paid off?
ETA - Also, I hope you don't get scared off or think we are being harsh about the split finances. Welcome, and please stick around!
The deal was that I would pay for cable and internet and he would pay for the cell phones.
Haven't been through a tax time married yet... we'll see how it works out. I already agreed that we could use our refund (if we get one) to buy a lawn mower.
It was like pulling teeth to even get him to open a joint account for joint expenses like the mortgage. Before we were married, and living in an apartment, he would right me a check every month for 1/2 of all the expenses. (I control all the bill paying except the cell phone)
Post by formerlyak on Jan 14, 2013 13:15:05 GMT -5
Honestly, I think your dh is being an ass. My fi and I are getting married in July. He makes more than I do and I am coming in to the marriage with a child who I pay child care for and I am finishing up my MBA like you, so in 6 months I will have student loans to pay as well. We sat down and wrote out all our monthly bills. Then we looked at what % of our household net income we each made. We took that percent and that was what percent of each of our household bills we each were responsible (it was about 40% me and 60% him, so with mortgage, for example, I pay 40% of the total and he pays 60%). We will each transfer that amount in to our joint account each month and the rest is to pay our personal stuff. For me that's child care, my car and my student loans. Then whatever we have left we use for whatever we want.
So once you get your MBA, will you be making more money? Do you have the potential to make significantly more than your H? What happens if one of you lose your job? Who paid for your H's schooling? What happens when you have kids? These are all things that make it hard to do a 50/50 split vs something fair. I have a CW who does a 50/50 split, her H makes double what she does. He drives a new car and she drives a clunker. He goes on vacations with his brothers because "he has the money to." I would have kicked him to the curb, especially once they had a baby. Its like making sure your child knows your dad doesn't think of mom as an equal so the kid will probably start treating her like dirt too. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with your H.
Hopefully making more money (crosses fingers). It is pretty small and competitive at my job. Quite a few people have MBAs or are working towards them. We'll see.
H has no degree. He went to college for two years then dropped out. He didn't pay the loans he had and they went delinquent. (I figured this out before we got married) He did end up paying everything off. He now only has his own car payment and our mortgage as debt.
We do want to have a child at some point but at this time and with his attitude, it's not feasible.
You two need to sit down and talk to a professional about your financials. It isn't fair that he makes more and is spending the same that you do. What happens when you have kids? What about when you are on maternity leave? What happens if one person loses their job?
This arrangement is going to build a lot of resentment in your marriage.
Haven't been through a tax time married yet... we'll see how it works out. I already agreed that we could use our refund (if we get one) to buy a lawn mower.
no no no to so much of this. However, if you are splitting 50/50, big no to him getting all the tax refund. Did you not have an ytaxes taken out of your check? Half is yours and could go on your loans. I get the impression that you handle inside chores and he does the outside stuff. He should buy the lawnmower with his own money. If yall don't have one, he can get out there with some scissors.
If you have a major house repair or car repair or medical bill or something like that, how does that work financially. What if one of you does not have the money saved up?
Does he pay for his own health insurance? Does he have access to the HSA?
Well, I hope that you are charging him 1/2 of the SL interest deduction on your tax return then. If you have to pay all of the loans yourself, he should not benefit in any way from them.
I also hope that one day you wind up making more than him, if only so you can hold it over his head and tell him to get a second job to keep up with you.
Have you seen The Joy Luck Club? Your relationship reminds me of one of the marriages in that movie and that didn't work out well. It doesn't seem like your H is very supportive at all and I am surprised that you don't resent him more. This type of money split never works out in the long term. Have you guys discussed what happens when you make a lot more in the future?
This is not okay. You can't afford half that mortgage payment given your other debt burden. I'd move into a cheaper rental with a different roommate to save money.
I like this answer. Tell him you need to lower your bills so you are getting a roommate with cheaper rent! I know it sounds silly but so is his plan of a 50/50 split when he makes more and you are struggling.....
Yikes. I have $0 student loan debt and my husband has $55,000. I would never dream of making him pay that off by himself, working two jobs while going to school. I think you two are good candidates for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Its goal is to get couples on the same page and to get rid of debt, both of which would be great for you.
i have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of a husband who doesn't want me to succeed.
what benefit do you get out of this relationship? it may just be the limited picture that you're painting here, but your husband sounds like a huge asshole.
i'm with cosmos, my budget would include fees for marriage counseling, and if that fails, a divorce lawyer. no way would i put up with this sort of arrangement long term. it's only going to get worse for you if you have a kid.
I also don't think your financial arrangement is okay.
I mean, if you had no problem with it, then I guess it would be fine until something happened like a baby or job loss, but you DO have a problem with it.
Honestly, I understand not wanting to pay off the debt of a SO before marriage. But once you're officially married, you are a team financially and otherwise. Do you have joint savings and goals? Or just individual ones? How did you manage to save up for a house under this arrangement?
I have a recommendation for you--read the book SMART COUPLES FINISH RICH by David Bach. It is written for situations just like yours. But your DH needs to read it on his own as well. If your DH is really stubborn, an outsider perspective might just be the leverage you need for a decent conversation.
So let me get this straight. Your H, who makes more money than you, refuses to help you pay for your student loans AND expects you to continue splitting everything 50/50. You are working full time, enrolled in an MBA program, and also have to cook, clean, grocery shop, etc.
And, you see every bill that comes in except for the cell phone bill? Is that right? Do you have access to his other accounts even if you can't use them (for example, do you have his online log-ins or can you see his statements?)
That pretty much sums it up. I do have online access to his account because I set it up for him. I take a peek every now and then.