Both parents worked full-time. My mother more than my father.
My grandma was SAH since the 70's.
We aren't planning on having kids, but I think since I've seen both, I'd prolly want to work part-time so I have a good balance of adult-time and home time.
My mom worked for a large bank in bond sales in teh 80s. Then she got pregnant with me, quit once I was born and SAH until my youngest brother was in pre-school.
By that point, my parents owned a business and worked close to the home, so my mom had a lot more flexibility to come home when we were home, and go to work earlier in the AM, on the weekends, etc. My dad also was able to do stuff with us in the late afternoons. We almost always ate dinner together as a family, then my parents worked from home at night.
I would love to keep working, but my current lawyer job is totally inflexible, and there's no way I could pull it off. My DH's job is equally time-consuming. So I am hoping I can find something that will give me some semblance of flexibility. I don't think I'd be a good SAH mom at all.
Post by whitepicketfence on Dec 6, 2012 11:41:19 GMT -5
Both of my parents have always worked FT. They didn't have much choice; it was a second marriage for my dad and he was paying child support for 4 other kids. I don't think my mom would have been happy SAH though either.
DH's mom has always SAH. With having 6 kids and only a high school diploma, there's no way she could have been able to afford daycare. FIL has always been self-employed though so there were times where she would help him run his various businesses while the kids were in school. Even now, she retired early (she did medical billing for several years once all her kids were grown) so that she could help out with taking care of her 11 grandchildren.
DH has always been a big advocate of me SAH; I was the one insisting that I never wanted to. Having kids (and hating my job at the time) changed my mind. I do still feel pretty conflicted though even after not working for close to 3 years. I really do love being a SAHM but I also miss working. Maybe someday I'll return to the workforce, but I don't have any definite plans of when that will be. I'd like to be as involved as possible at my children's school and in whatever activities they choose to pursue and I just don't see that happening if I work FT. DH's job is very demanding with long hours and frequent travel (not to mention that my salary will never even come close to his) so I feel like one of us needs to be here more for the kids.
My mother SAH until I was 3 when she left my dad. SAHMs are very rare where I am from and she only did it because we bounced around islands where she was not legally allowed to work.
I don't think it was my mother per se that influenced my decision to be a working mother it is more that working moms are the norm where I am from. In HS I knew one person who had a SAHM and one person who had a SAHD.
The guilt that surrounds many working mothers in the US is foreign to me and I can't really relate.
I don't feel guilty that I work. Not at all.
I feel guilty that I work as much as I do. I got home at 10 last night and DD was still awake bc H isn't good with bedtime and DD is a sneak. I feel guilty I wasn't home at a normal hour to spend time w her and make sure she gets enough sleep.
This is how I am. I work from about 9:30/10 to 5/5:30 now, and I don't feel guilty at all. I did feel guilty when I was still working full-time big law hours, because it just plain didn't leave me what I felt was enough time with my kids. Plus, it was just so damn hard on all of us.
I didn't know a single person growing up who didn't have a SAHM. Literally not one person that I can recall. Neither my mom nor my MIL have worked since before they had kids--they both continue to maintain that working would interfere with their ability to be there for their families to the extent they want, and all their kids are grown. Despite that, I still don't feel guilty working as long as my hours are reasonable enough that I still get several waking hours a day with my kiddos most of the time.
I never really minded when my mom worked full time, it was the swing shift that really bothered me. Being young and only being able to see her for a few minutes in the morning really effected me. She was already gone for work by the time I got home from school and she didn't get home until I was in bed. I missed her so much during that time. I was totally attached to my mother, I think due to the fact that she was the only adult in my life for a long time.
SAH. It doesn't influence my decision now (or rather, it won't when I had kids). It definitely influence my perceptions when career and college planning, though. I grew up in a "bubble town" and did not know of a single professional female, outside of teachers at my school and a couple of aunts who were teachers. Every family member, family friend, and mom of a friend stayed at home.
My mom was SAH until my brother went to K. She was a yard duty at the elementary school we went too. She made her way up into the Admin office. She worked part time and then took on a full time position. Actually, my mom has diaries of what she did when she was SAH when I was a baby, then my sister and then my brother. We did alot of stuff together. Oh and my mom never learned to drive so she carted us around on the bus :-)
An interesting fact about my mom-she was raised by nuns in an orphanage in Scotland (her parents were killed in a car accident when she was very young).
When we have kids, I will have to work FT, there is no way around it as I carry the benefits. However, I do have a flexible work schedule where I work every other Friday and I can ask to work at home one day a week.
My mum worked. Most, if not all, mums I knew growing up (in another country) worked. If they didn't have a job, they at least owned a store or something. I didn't know staying at home was a big thing until a few years back when I started my forums habit. It probably does influence what I plan to do in a way as even today, all my mummy friends from my country work. It was probably easier for them to work though, as labor is/was cheap. We had a live-in nanny/maid/housekeeper (in a 3 bedroom apartment with 4 kids lol) and a driver. This was pretty common for regular middle class folk. I probably wouldn't mind staying at home when my kids are older (elementary and middle school) but that's mostly because I'm lazy and they'll be in school most of the time lol.
My mom worked as a real estate agent while my dad worked full-time outside the home. She was always available but when I got to HS she worked that job and was elected to city counsel. I was the youngest so that made the most sense for them.
I however don't want to have kids or SAH. I love my career and would hate to give it up.
My mom wanted to be a SAH living the high life (shopping, spa treatments, glamour home), and was miserable because they never had that kind of money. She had a BS in Early Childhood education, taught for 3yrs, then got pregnant with my brother. She then SAH until I was in 2nd grade, and always reminded us of how much she sacrificed to do the right thing. Her idea of a joke was that I caused her ulcer when I was 4yrs old because I was such a stressful child. She began a series of part time jobs (daycare, merchandising). She quit everything within a few years because they were too tough or she didn't like management. Once our mortgage rate began skyrocketing in the early 90's, my parents were in real financial trouble and declared bankruptcy my senior year in high school, losing our house. Long story short, she was a horrible role model for learning to be happy with what you have, how to budget properly, and how to take pride in your work even if it's not always ideal. Her issues just continued to get worse after she and my dad divorced, she remarried, and they cashed retirement funds to move to the middle-of-nowhere SC where there are zero jobs. And it's all everyone else's fault. It's part of a lot of other issues with her, and I haven't spoken to my mom in over 2yrs.
My stepmother worked for the same company for 42yrs until they laid her off, beginning when she was 17. Many days, I wish she had been my role model all along, and she's a great support now. Even though she never had children herself, she always tells me how wonderful I'm doing with balancing everything and gives great advice any time I have issues with the office.
My mom stayed at home. I honestly don't know if she had a job before we were born. She may have been a stay at home wife. Her parents owned a business and may have helped there.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Dec 6, 2012 15:49:31 GMT -5
She was a sahm until I was 11 then she went back for her MEd and resumed classroom once she finished her program.
When my parents divorced shortly after that I decided that the worst thing my mom did was be a sahm ....she had no interests outside if the house and us kids.
Both. She stayed at home until the youngest was in first grade then started working part time. When the youngest was in fourth grade, she went from part time to full time. Yes, her decisions have influenced me, but our expenses have influenced me more.
My mom quit work when she had me. She stayed home for ~10 years until my brother was 7. She had to go back to school in order to get a career type job despite the fact she already had a Bachelor's degree.
We weren't able to have kids, but given how miserable my mom was being a stay at home mom, I doubt I would have stayed home. So yes, my mom staying at home would have affected my decision.
Post by diamondsnpearls22 on Dec 6, 2012 19:12:40 GMT -5
My mom SAH until I was 4 and then went part time. She never went back full time, so I always had a parent around. It was the best of both worlds. This definitely influenced my decision to want to stay at home. The plan is for me to stay at home until the first child goes to elementary school and then I will go back to work part-time. I will return to full time work (4 days) when all the kids are in full time school. Since marrying DH, we have lived on one income and continue to save my paycheck, and when we get the savings we want, then we can start planning a family.
She SAHed when we were little but the parents divorced when I was 7 and she worked from that point on. Whether she worked or not has no bearing on whether I work or not.