Did your mom work or SAH?

[Deleted]

And do you think that influences your desire/decision/opinion/whatever for you to work or stay at home?

[RoxMonster]

My mom worked full time, as did my dad. My grandma was retired and offered to watch me when my parents were at work during the day. I loved it because I grew so close to my grandparents that it's like having two sets of parents for me (I am still close to my parents, too). I have such a special bond with my grandparents and spending summers and what not with them is one of my favorite memories.

We're not planning on having kids but if we did, I'd work. I don't know that my mom's choice influenced this; it's more than we can't afford to have a child and a house and what not on just one salary, plus I think I would go crazy not working. I'm a teacher and two weeks into June I'm already going nuts. Granted I don't have a child to take care of, but I still think I'd WANT to work because I enjoy it.

[Deleted]

I will answer for myself. My mom stayed at home, she quit working when I was born and had 2 more kids after me.

I don't know if I want kids, but if I do I know I will end up working. I just don't see us ever being in a position where DH makes enough money that we felt we could support our lifestyle on just his income. We spend too much, have too much debt, and need to save more.

However, I don't know if I would say I would "want to" work. I do like working but I think it would be hard not to stay home or at least work part time. I wonder if part of the reason why I think I'd struggle is because I didn't grow up in a house with 2 working parents and can't wrap my head around how I'd get all the "stuff" done. I find working full time exhausting enough without kids, I fear I'd fall apart if I tried to add them into my current lifestyle.

I wonder if I'd feel differently if being a working mom was something that was modeled in my house when I was a child.

ETA: I hope that doesn't come off as negative against my mom staying home... it was absolutely the best decision for our family and I have amazing memories of growing up with her and my sisters at home.

[hannamaren]

My Mom stayed home until I was 8, then worked part time until I was 14, then opened a home daycare in our house.

She loves kids. I would like to stay home to be the parent volunteer and go on field trips when my kid is in school, but I am not made to stay home every day with a one year old. She does much better with me only 3 days a week at home.

[lilibet]

Mine went back and forth - home for a while, then worked retail, then went to community college and worked at the local hospital for a bit, then home again. My parents also got their foster parent license when I was in 8th grade so pretty much the rest of my school years (and college) her time was totally taken up with that.

I think my mom was fairly bored when she was home, she did a lot of the stereotypical soap opera watching and shopping, which I think has played a bit into why I want to work when/if we have kids. Staying at home just also looked so boring watching her.

eta - I'm also the primary earner so if anything dh would stay home but at this point I don't think we could ever afford that.

[hannamaren]

I wish I could be part time. I work 4 days a week (40hrs in 4 days)

[CloudBee]

Mine worked. She would not have been good as a SAHM.

I always thought I would want to SAH. Then I got pregnant and my feelings changed.

[limey]

My mom worked - as a professor, consultant, and business owner.

And, yes, having this role model certainly has influenced how I think about work.

[SusanBAnthony]

She was a sahm at first. When my sister started preschool she went to school and became a nurse. She started working full item when my sister started kindergarten. I was about 10 so I remember both.

Initially it influenced me to want to stay at home or work part time. I remembered her biking us to and from school and always being there after school and I loved it. And to some extent we experienced that after she went back to work, since she worked the night shift and would be up from sleeping when we got home from school.

Then I stayed at home with my kids for 3 years and I am starting to tear my hair out. I am still hoping to work part time (I may actually follow in her footsteps and go to nursing school in fact) but I need to work some. And soon, lol, for my sanity. However, I can't imagine working full time right now (I mean obviously lots of people do it so I know I could, but it would majorly suck). No magical part time jobs that pay more than daycare have appeared, though.

[lindyanne]

My dad owned his own business (a pizza shop). She helped him with that some until they split when I was 5. I don't remember her working after that until she wanted to send me to private school and then she did PT retail. The only thing my mom has really influenced in me is to not get crazy or old and lonely. I don't really think her being around influenced my decision at all. I would have been fine continuing to work but for the stress it put me through, the amount I was clearing each month and how much DH was making, it made sense for me to SAH. I do help DH out - if he forgets something at home, needs supplies for his business, needs some extra help in the office when I can get some time away from DS, etc I help out.

[Deleted]

My mother was in and out of the work force depending on the time while growing up. DH's mother was a professor/researcher.

[melmel48]

My mother stayed home all day with me and then worked very part time at night. I think 10 hours per week.

In theory I want to stay home when I have kids, but in reality I know I will work even if it's not needed financially. I feel good when I work.

[SusanBAnthony]

Also, if my mom was retired and watched my kids for free or cheap, I would definitely be working more. But the cost of daycare is so high, and we have no family to help if the kids are sick, so the costs of me working are discouraging. And I earned a fairly high salary (engineer) before I quit. But after daycare for two kids, some kind of backup childcare for illness, housekeeper, way more convenience foods, etc, there would be almost nothing left. That definitely influenced my decision to stay home.

[jenjen]

My mom was a SAHM until my youngest sister was in school (I was in late middle/early high school) and then my mom only worked weekends/occasional weekdays and evenutally worked at a grocery store. Then she got divorced in her 40's and had no marketable skills and still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. She does work and has a good paying job but it's not what she would have done had she gone to college and worked before having kids.

I think i would be a terrible SAHM. I think her staying home influenced me to work because I don't want to end up either divorced and having no clue what to do, or when my kid(s) are in school full time, no clue how to occupy my time. It was nice having her home after school and she was always involved with our classrooms as room mother or organizing the holiday parties.

[arch01]

a mix.

my mom was a senior in HS when i was born, she was homeschooled her last year.

after that she stayed home with me while my dad worked and went to school FT. there was no way she could find a job that would pay enough to cover childcare.

later on she went back to school while we were in elementary school. she got a FT job when i was in late elementary and has worked ever since.

she has had absolutely no influence on my choice to work-i am a much better mom because i work.

[Deleted]

She stayed at home until I was 8 and my sister was 10, then went back to work part-time for a few years, then went back full-time when I was 13 or so.

It has no bearing on my decision, though I think if we actually did have kids she wouldn't be all that happy with a nanny or daycare situation. I think she respects my career a lot, but just doesn't understand how things are nowadays.

[heygrey]

My mom worked part time for the school district (various positions over the years) so her hours had her home when I was and working while I was in school.

I loved having her around and I'd be happy if I could find a balance like that. I do really enjoy working though so I don't want to give it up completely.

[Willis Jackson]

My mom stayed at home. Yes, it influenced my decision to stay at home. I want my children to have a similar childhood to the one I had.

[h]

My mom SAH. She quit working when her first child was born in 1973 and never went back to traditional employment (she has flipped a couple houses, served on some boards, held local elected office, done a crapload of volunteer work, published a book, etc. but nothing that has resulted in significant income).

I have kids and work. The fact that my mom SAH did not influence my decision to work, but she definitely influences my parenting style. She is an amazing mom, and I try to model her in many ways. But she has a low earning potential and was married to a high earner, so the financial impact for her to SAH was much different than if I were to SAH. It's just not a comparable decision.

[Deleted]

My mom worked when I was little and then SAH after my brother was born. When he started 1st grade age went back PT.

I would really like to do something like that. It let's you get out of the house and have a career while still being able to attend school functions.

[krystee]

My mom worked PT in the evenings. I would love to work PT, but I will need to work FT when we have kids.

[cinco]

My mom was a teacher. I am a SAHM. I had all intentions of being a working mom and was for a couple years, but DH's schedule plus my long commute was too much for us. It was a difficult transition going from a working mom of 1 to a SAHM of 2, but now I love it.

[Deleted]

My mom and my dad worked full-time. I think it helped shape my views on work in general. I never, ever even thought about being a SAHM and never agonized or felt an ounce of guilt about my choices. It simply is what it is.

My family was very big on nurturing and attachment and such. Very Summerhill and free. Everything else to me is silly details.

[Deleted]

My mom worked the first 1 or 2yrs she had kids then took the next 14 to SAH. She had 5 kids (plus 3 other pregnancies that didn't make it to term) in a 14yr span. She did odd jobs (cleaning offices, teaching classes, etc) plus major volunteering & was a foster mom in those years. She worked part time 2yrs while my little sis & bro were in preschool & then went full time back to teaching when the littlest was in school full time. I was in 3rd grade I think when she went back full time. I loved when she was a SAHM & missed her being home when I got home. I think that did influence me to SAH. Ironically she was supportive of my SAH for awhile but was the most pushy that I get back into my profession.

[miss1180]

my mom has her accounting degree, and when I was really young she worked part time doing bookeeping- for awhile she babysat kids in our house.
when i was about 5, she and my dad opened up their own business- a garden center. it was only a seasonal business (they would start planting/ growing the plants in greenhouses in the winter, and then opened up the store part in spring at the end of march,. By the end of June, most people had their gardens already set up for the summer, so my parents would close up their store. it was timed pretty much perfectly with the end of school, so they would be home with us all summer. And, also it gave my mom some flexibility to be able to be room mother for our classes at school, she was Girl Scout leader for awhile, chaperoned school trips....

WE just adopted DS in August and hes 2 years old. Right now, I'm taking about a year off to be home with him. For us, it was almost necessary because he needs us to help him get adjusted and settled in and bonded to us. I really am loving being home with him so we'll see what i decide to do in a few months.
I'll probably go back to work part time for a few years while hes still really young- I'm a speech therapist, so there are a lot of part time positions that pay really well. And like i said, I have really good memories of my mom being involved in stuff at my school growing up so I want to be able to do that for DS. I kinda had the part time thing in mind when I went into speech therapy, because I knew it had a lot of flexibility.

[Deleted]

My mom stayed home until I was 10 or so.

No it did not influence me whatsoever. I based my choice on what was right for my family.

[hellonurse]

Dec 5, 2012 21:43:04 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Mine worked. She would not have been good as a SAHM.

I always thought I would want to SAH. Then I got pregnant and my feelings changed.

All of this. I am a much better mom when I work! Haha.

[jackie011]

I always tell people my mom is a SAHM to a 34 y/o and a 28 y/o! She was laid off two months before I was born, but I think the plan was for her to SAH all along. That was the norm in those days, and there really wasn't a reason for her to work. My dad made "plenty of money" for the basics as he used to say, and we always had enough for the extras. I know my dad received bonuses and a little help from his parents from time to time on the bigger things in life (house). My sister & I are the only grandchildren, so my grandparents set aside money for a car and college for each of us, so that was never a concern for my parents.

However, I think my mom would be a completely different person if she had gone back to work at some point when my sister & I were a little older. My dad passed away 5 years ago, and my mom just lives off of his well-invested retirement/pension. She has absolutely no marketable skills and doesn't even qualify for Social Security. Frankly, she's lucky my dad arranged all of his retirement benefits to include her health insurance until she ages out to Medicare.

My parents were not wealthy, I think my dad made about $70,000/year at best.

As for us- I used to think I would SAH when we had kids. However, as that process is taking a LOT longer than I thought it would, I really don't know now. We still have a ton of debt and I'm not sure how we'd swing the loss of my income/benefits unless DH got a better job. He has a great job, but he'd need to make about $20K more for me to be able to quit. It's a possibility, but just not one that we discuss very often as we don't really have a need right now. We were also hoping that MIL (who ran a daycare out of her home for 20+ years) would be willing to help with some childcare, but again, that's never really been discussed beyond a family joke here and there. I think she would love the idea of it, but the reality would be a little more than she wants at this point in her life, and I completely understand that.

I work at a child development center so I would receive a discounted rate for childcare, see my child throughout the day, and maintain my position. I cannot see myself being a FT SAHM, though I would probably want to drop my hours a bit.

[SJ]

Neither of my parents ever worked FT in the traditional sense.

My dad is a photographer and owns his own business. So he always had an office/studio but also was around a lot, set his own schedule, so could come to school events, etc.

When we were very little, my mom worked part-time office jobs- maybe a few days/week at a time. When I was in kindergarten, my mom started working with my dad on a more regular basis- doing all the bookkeeping and "business" stuff for him. Once we were in school she would go in to his studio after dropping us off at school, take a lunch break when we did (when I was in elementary school most kids went home for lunch) then work until 3pm or whenever it was time to pick us up.

In a lot of ways it was the best of both worlds. Both parents were very present and available, but also busy with income-producing work. Being their own bosses gave them a lot of flexibility, but the trade-off was stability.

I plan to work when we have kids. My ideal plan would be to work 3-4 days a week for FT pay/benefits (you can all start laughing now) but will happily keep my current set-up if that is what works out as I think it is pretty family-friendly.

My parents' work situation influenced me in that it gave me a great model of marriage as a partnership. Both my parents worked, and both my parents were around for us. Very little was based on traditional gender roles, and that is something that is very important to me and H as well.

DH is in the same boat. Neither of his parents worked traditional jobs either but were both around. He also expects to be as involved with our kids as I do. He thinks we should both work 4 days/week after we have kids, each having 1 day at home with them. I can't imagine either of us opting out of the workforce entirely unless something changes drastically.

[Deleted]

My mom stayed at home until I was 7 or so, then she went back to school and then she started teaching. I don't know the timeline exactly. It doesn't influence my decision. In fact until a few years ago I had completely forgotten she used to stay home with us. LOL. We had nannies who I loved. That experience would make me lean towards getting a nanny but I don't know what level of trust I would place in one person.

The one thing I want to replicate from my family is eating dinner at the table every night as a family.