I guess "we'll keep in touch" means...

[redredwine]

...we actually WON'T keep in touch.

I texted dude Friday to wish him luck on his big test and to let me know how it went. He texted a few hours to say Thanks and that he passed. I followed up with a "Are you for celebrating sometime this weekend?"....no response back and that was yesterday afternoon.
GOt the memo, thanks.

BUT on a positive note, I did have a first date last night. He asked me out earlier in the week, but I didn't agree to it until Thursday as I wanted to see where things were at with Dude #1.

Despite me thinking date wasn't going to be fun, he was not for me (he doesn't drink-I clearly do, his profile said he wasn't really into sports-I am (turns out he kinda is), we had a really nice time! We talked for FOUR hours...without alchohol...and we have alot in common. He actually works at my work (way different departments and my work is huge) so that was funny. He's not normally my type and I'm still not sure about the non-drinking thing (we talked about it, but it might be a dealbreaker for me?) but I'd like to go on a second date with him, so he's planning one! I got a nice follow up text from him post-date.

So...that's the positive in all of this I guess.

[rikkiandjulie]

Dec 8, 2012 18:37:10 GMT -5 redredwine said:

...we actually WON'T keep in touch.

I texted dude Friday to wish him luck on his big test and to let me know how it went. He texted a few hours to say Thanks and that he passed. I followed up with a "Are you for celebrating sometime this weekend?"....no response back and that was yesterday afternoon.
GOt the memo, thanks.

BUT on a positive note, I did have a first date last night. He asked me out earlier in the week, but I didn't agree to it until Thursday as I wanted to see where things were at with Dude #1.

Despite me thinking date wasn't going to be fun, he was not for me (he doesn't drink-I clearly do, his profile said he wasn't really into sports-I am (turns out he kinda is), we had a really nice time! We talked for FOUR hours...without alchohol...and we have alot in common. He actually works at my work (way different departments and my work is huge) so that was funny. He's not normally my type and I'm still not sure about the non-drinking thing (we talked about it, but it might be a dealbreaker for me?) but I'd like to go on a second date with him, so he's planning one! I got a nice follow up text from him post-date.

So...that's the positive in all of this I guess.

I think you might be able to do the no drinking, so long as he doesn't expect you to take part as well


Rikki-iPhone

[gozf]

I'm glad you had a nice time!

I'm curious, though, why would the fact that he doesn't drink be a deal breaker for you? Does he mind being around social drinkers? Will be begrudge you a glass of wine with dinner or a night out with girlfriends? If not, I don't see why that would be a problem.


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[rikkiandjulie]

Dec 8, 2012 18:43:14 GMT -5 gozf said:

I'm glad you had a nice time!

I'm curious, though, why would the fact that he doesn't drink be a deal breaker for you? Does he mind being around social drinkers? Will be begrudge you a glass of wine with dinner or a night out with girlfriends? If not, I don't see why that would be a problem.


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This is what I should have said.


Rikki-iPhone

[redredwine]

No, he's fine with it (me drinking) and his friends do. He just doesn't like who he is when he drinks because it makes him lazy and unhealthy (he's now a pretty healthy/fit guy) and it makes him want to smoke, which he quit so he doesn't want the tempation.

I guess I was really hesitant because I went out a few times with a guy that didn't drink (he had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol so he quit), and he just made me feel super awkward if I did drink, or if I was drinking with my friends around. Like, I felt like I could have one drink, but not more. And my friends can drink...alot. So I felt weird and out of place. So I was like "OH NO, NOT going there again!"

This dude seems much less akward and more personable, but I did let him know all this and we discussed it quite a bit.

[gozf]

Ok. He sounds more than reasonable about it, and I commend him for having the self-awareness to abstain if he's not a good drinker. Sounds like he's got good character.

And it sounds like things didn't work out with the other guy because he was an ass, not because he didn't drink.

I'm a drinker. Probably a big drinker. But I wouldn't write someone off because he wasn't.


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[macmars45]

Dec 8, 2012 18:37:10 GMT -5 redredwine said:

...we actually WON'T keep in touch.

I texted dude Friday to wish him luck on his big test and to let me know how it went. He texted a few hours to say Thanks and that he passed. I followed up with a "Are you for celebrating sometime this weekend?"....no response back and that was yesterday afternoon.
GOt the memo, thanks.

BUT on a positive note, I did have a first date last night. He asked me out earlier in the week, but I didn't agree to it until Thursday as I wanted to see where things were at with Dude #1.

Despite me thinking date wasn't going to be fun, he was not for me (he doesn't drink-I clearly do, his profile said he wasn't really into sports-I am (turns out he kinda is), we had a really nice time! We talked for FOUR hours...without alchohol...and we have alot in common. He actually works at my work (way different departments and my work is huge) so that was funny. He's not normally my type and I'm still not sure about the non-drinking thing (we talked about it, but it might be a dealbreaker for me?) but I'd like to go on a second date with him, so he's planning one! I got a nice follow up text from him post-date.

So...that's the positive in all of this I guess.

Why would the fact that you drink and he doesn't be a dealbreaker? He can still go to bars with you ^o) (built in DD)
My H drinks and I can't for medical reasons. It's NBD. I just have juice or sparkling cider and call it good (if I want to have a fun drink too).

[stephbfan]

I don't see the issue with non drinking as long as he doesn't want to make you quit too. I didn't have any alcohol for like 3 years but my ex loves his beers. I got really drunk for the first time of my life (mind you I was 25) and the hang over the next day made me think that it was not for me and vowed not to drink unless I changed my mind. I got pregnant the next year and breastfed for a year after that so alcohol never seemed appealing.

It was never a problem and I would go out with my friends, while they had alcohol, I had soda or water.

Look at it from this perspective, it would be cool for you because you can drink all you want and he can always drive home.

[achase123]

Ugh, I'm sorry about the first date, but that IS good news about the second guy.

I hate the "we'll keep in touch". In my experience it's usually never a good sign.

[starryfish]

I don't drink very much at all....personal preference (not addiction). I have no problems with friends or bf's drinking as long as they aren't drunks all the time (my ex bf drank a lot....)

[starryfish]

Ooo and my friends love it bc I'm the DD every time

[bullygirl979]

Sucks about the first guy but good for the second!

RRW, I dated a guy for about a month who didn't drink (and I do). At first it was a little awkward but honestly after a while it didn't bother me. I mean, you know you the best, but I wouldn't automatically write this guy off because of it.

[angieawesome]

First guy sucks balls. Hope other dude works out a little better!

[bowies]

Yeah, what GOZF said. My FI barely drinks and it is a non-issue. He just doesn't like the taste all that much. He doesn't begrudge me my wine. Or martinis.

[winecat]

Dec 9, 2012 17:15:53 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

I said no drinking is a deal breaker because I really enjoy drinking wine and beer.. trying new ones, pairing wines with different foods, going to wine and beer festivals, etc. I doubt someone that never drank would be interested in any of these activities. Also where I live no drinking generally means they are LDS and I am not that religion and I have no interest in converting to it.

Also I am not into dating someone so into being healthy that they can't have a drink.

Ditto. The social aspect (festivals, tours, etc.) and the pairings are such a huge love for me. My xH didn't really get in to these activities and it really was a loss for me and I'm not willing to do it again.

[gozf]

Eh. I'm sure festivals and tours are still a lot of fun for non-drinkers, and there's no reason that a partner can't accompany you and not just get the pairing option. I still have trouble seeing this as a line in the sand.

Look, I love karaoke. I looooooove it. Thor hates it. So I get my fix with friends. Same goes for musical theater. And some other stuff. It just seems trivial to me to take a hard stance on something like this.


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[starryfish]

I agree with Goz on this. I think you are being too picky

[winecat]

Dec 9, 2012 19:07:34 GMT -5 gozf said:

Eh. I'm sure festivals and tours are still a lot of fun for non-drinkers, and there's no reason that a partner can't accompany you and not just get the pairing option. I still have trouble seeing this as a line in the sand.

Look, I love karaoke. I looooooove it. Thor hates it. So I get my fix with friends. Same goes for musical theater. And some other stuff. It just seems trivial to me to take a hard stance on something like this.


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We eat everyday and granted it isn't reasonable to expect every meal to be an amazing, gourmet 4 course meal paired with wine or beer but having special dinners (or making everyday meals special) with the perfect paired drink is really important to me. I'm guessing it sounds absurd to many, except RV. Seriously though, most of my favorite memories are of excellent meals and the pairings while sharing with my friends. I don't have any of those memories with my xH. I live my life in the food world and I've made a lot of sacrifices to do so and I can't imagine being with someone who didn't have the same love for it that I do.

[gozf]

Cue Robin Leach!


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[Deleted]

Jumping in way late here, but no drinking would be a deal breaker for me too. I like drinking and I don't want to be the only one drinking, I always think it's awkward when there is one person tipsy and one person sober trying to have a conversation, no matter which end your on.

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2012 12:17:23 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Dec 10, 2012 12:05:35 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Jumping in way late here, but no drinking would be a deal breaker for me too. I like drinking and I don't want to be the only one drinking, I always think it's awkward when there is one person tipsy and one person sober trying to have a conversation, no matter which end your on.

Yay for a fellow drinker!

Ha! Like you're surprised:) I would feel the same way about dating a vegan or someone who didn't watch TV at all. To me it's just an incompatible lifestyle. Sure they probably have WAY healthier choices than me, but whateves, I like my vices.

[doriswe]

It makes me giggle that people assume non-drinkers couldn't possibly have a good time at a lot of these events.

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2012 12:20:15 GMT -5 doriswe said:

It makes me giggle that people assume non-drinkers couldn't possibly have a good time at a lot of these events.

It's not that I don't think they could have fun. But personally I don't enjoy drinking alone, like I said I think the conversation just ends up off. I like a good tipsy romp, I like to get a little rowdy with the person I'm dating. I want to come home and share a bottle of wine.

[gozf]

This thread pisses me off more and more every time I open it.

[kaneen]

Why though gozf? Everyone has their preferences. Why does one person's preference piss you off?

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2012 13:07:40 GMT -5 kaneen said:

Why though gozf? Everyone has their preferences. Why does one person's preference piss you off?

I have to agree. We all have dealbreakers.

[gozf]

Because this is a ridiculously petty thing to be so insistent about.

It seems to me that there are a handful of posters who latch onto a number of largely insignificant details, and systematically eliminate prospects. And those same people complain about a lack of said prospects. It irks me. It's been irking me, and this thread is my tipping point.

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2012 13:17:29 GMT -5 gozf said:

Because this is a ridiculously petty thing to be so insistent about.

It seems to me that there are a handful of posters who latch onto a number of largely insignificant details, and systematically eliminate prospects. And those same people complain about a lack of said prospects. It irks me. It's been irking me, and this thread is my tipping point.

But its insignificant to YOU. I haven't really heard RedRedWine express other dealbreakers outside of this one. And it's not like she nixed the guy, she's just looking for opinions.

[bowies]

I get what you're saying, but it is possible to not be an asshole about personal lifestyle choices. I'm giving a big side-eye to the opinion that teetotalers = giant fun-sucks that can't enjoy things.

[gozf]

Dec 10, 2012 13:25:30 GMT -5 bowies said:

I get what you're saying, but it is possible to not be an asshole about personal lifestyle choices. I'm giving a big side-eye to the opinion that teetotalers = giant fun-sucks that can't enjoy things.

YES.

Thank you. This is a huge part of the reason why I'm getting increasingly agitated with this topic.