No Call/No show follow up.

[hocus]

She is here now.

My husband called my nanny on Tuesday.

She said:
1. She didn't know she had to work.
2. Her phone was broken so she didn't get our messages/texts.

DH is very reluctant to fire her. He works in an office and leaves before she arrives and mostly returns after she is gone. I work from home so I of course see her more often. I have provided her with a list of days off, which she has signed. She has also given me the cell number of her husband in case her phone breaks again. (which I don't believe but that is a different issue.)

She was pretty rude to me this morning, and I'm now pushing harder for my husband to consider letting her go.

[ijack]

SHE WAS RUDE TO YOU AFTER SHE FUCKED UP?!?
Dude, I would have handed her a pink slip.

[jaylea]

Rude after no-showing and being unresponsive? And you are trusting her with your children?

Sorry, but I would expect more of the same- she doesn't take this job seriously. This isn't something small, like she let the kids have an extra snack. This is huge. What would happen if you no-showed at work and then ignored your boss's calls? I'd be canned.

[zarapipe]

Fire her!! Your husband doesn't have the final say, the decision should be made together. I certainly wouldn't let someone continue to watch my children who was rude and I could tell she wasn't that dedicated to her job.

[hocus]

Jan 2, 2013 10:47:54 GMT -5 ijack said:

SHE WAS RUDE TO YOU AFTER SHE FUCKED UP?!?
Dude, I would have handed her a pink slip.

The issue now is not my nanny but my marriage.

I think she should fire her. My husband does not agree. Me and my husband have to get on the same page about this.

But yes my nanny was rude. The first words to me this morning were

“You had it all wrong. You didn't’t tell me I had to work.”

Excuse me.... I had it all wrong? Not I'm sorry. Not it won't happen again? Not lets talk about over nap time.

[speckledfrog]

Those cell phones. Always breaking when we don't want to work.

[raylongivens]

Jan 2, 2013 10:51:40 GMT -5 hocus said:

Jan 2, 2013 10:47:54 GMT -5 ijack said:

SHE WAS RUDE TO YOU AFTER SHE FUCKED UP?!?
Dude, I would have handed her a pink slip.

The issue now is not my nanny but my marriage.

I think she should fire her. My husband does not agree. Me and my husband have to get on the same page about this.

But yes my nanny was rude. The first words to me this morning were

“You had it all wrong. You didn't’t tell me I had to work.”

Excuse me.... I had it all wrong? Not I'm sorry. Not it won't happen again? Not lets talk about over nap time.

I applaud your self control. Our first nanny was extremely rude to me one day after demanding a raise for no reason. I explained why we couldn't give her a 3rd raise in 2 years, and she swore at me. I threw her out of the house, and she never came back.

Of course, that left us in a mess with no childcare... which is why I applaud your self control...

[ijack]

Why doesn't he want to fire her? I'd be really pissed if my H didn't have my back over something like this and was seemingly okay with my nanny's lack of respect toward me.

[Deleted]

Give me your husband's telephone number because I'd like to talk to him.

But seriously, no effin way would I be employing this person anymore.

[Deleted]

Jan 2, 2013 10:56:26 GMT -5 ijack said:

Why doesn't he want to fire her? I'd be really pissed if my H didn't have my back over something like this and was seemingly okay with my nanny's lack of respect toward me.

This is what I keep thinking. I agree with birdgirl (and you, hocus) that it has to be a unilateral decision and you cant just fire her without your H on board. but why isnt he on board? she didnt show up, didnt call, and now has been rude to you, and you have said that in general you aren't a huge fan of hers, right? I would think it would be worth it to find a nanny for the next 9 months when you know it will be someone who will make your life easier - or at the very least not be rude to you.

[hocus]

Jan 2, 2013 10:56:26 GMT -5 ijack said:

Why doesn't he want to fire her? I'd be really pissed if my H didn't have my back over something like this and was seemingly okay with my nanny's lack of respect toward me.

Because he thinks she isn't so bad. Because stating over with someone new is hard/scary. Because our temp nanny was so very bad he's worried that it will different issues/same headache.

My nanny is much ruder to me than my husband. Perhapes he doesn't understand why I dislike her so much. He is on the phone with her now as far as I know, probably telling her to apologize. I have no idea what he is trying to accomplish.

[mollybrown]

Jan 2, 2013 10:47:54 GMT -5 ijack said:

SHE WAS RUDE TO YOU AFTER SHE FUCKED UP?!?
Dude, I would have handed her a pink slip.

When ijack thinks you need to fire your nanny, you know it's true

But seriously, she would not have made it through my door. I think the rudeness alone is enough reason to move on. Would you tell your employer they got it wrong if you didn't work a day you were scheduled to work?

In your situation, my opinion would trump my husband's. You are the one seeing and interacting with her. If he doesn't want to fire her, he should start leaving work early and being the one to deal with her. Otherwise, you're the one stuck dealing with this problem employee. No sir. Maybe he'll come around the next time she pulls this shit, because it's bound to happen.

[ijack]

Jan 2, 2013 11:02:38 GMT -5 mollybrown said:

Jan 2, 2013 10:47:54 GMT -5 ijack said:

SHE WAS RUDE TO YOU AFTER SHE FUCKED UP?!?
Dude, I would have handed her a pink slip.

When ijack thinks you need to fire your nanny, you know it's true

.

That's what I keep thinking - If I'm this pissed off and would let her go then you know it's bad

[speckledfrog]

Jan 2, 2013 11:01:33 GMT -5 hocus said:

He is on the phone with her now as far as I know, probably telling her to apologize. I have no idea what he is trying to accomplish.

What?! Way to provide a united front, H. Sounds like a serious discussion is in order.

[pugz]

omg this woman is rich I tell you. I cannot believe she was rude to you like that. I'm pissed at her and I'm double pissed at your husband.

[fryjack2]

OMG. You need to fire your nanny and your husband. They are both ridiculous.

[takeonyou]

Clearly your husband doesn't mind you being treated like a doormat. Wow. I can't imagine any scenario where this would be ok.

[pugz]

I don't know how to insert a gif but several are coming to mind that I would put in this post if I could.

[birdmom]

Once she spoke to me like that, I probably would have fired her on the spot, and DH would have supported that. I'm sorry he's not siding with you more. I hope you get this all straightened out soon.

[fortmyersbride]

I can't get over so much of this: that she's still watching your kids, that your husband tolerates her talking to you like that, that you tolerate her talking to you like that. Seriously, find another nanny, now. And you and your DH need to have a serious talk about respect tonight.

[ECB]

Your DH needs to realize that as you're the one who is around her more, you have a better idea of her abilities and her attitude. And if she is rude to YOU, that means something. Yes, he has to be on the same page, but I think YOU get more weight in this decision than he does!


I really find it more concerning that he doesn't seem to take YOUR concerns to heart here.

[hocus]

Jan 2, 2013 11:33:19 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

I can't get over so much of this: that she's still watching your kids, that your husband tolerates her talking to you like that, that you tolerate her talking to you like that. Seriously, find another nanny, now. And you and your DH need to have a serious talk about respect tonight.

DH is more on board right now.

But in truth we *need* some sort of care. We can't just fire her. That would put my job/DH's job in jeopardy. We're trying to see if our occasional babysitter is willing to take the job. If not we'll probably interview over the weekend. Overall it is still maybe 2 weeks until we can get a new sitter in and set up.

[ECB]

I don't want to jump on the bandwagon, but to what a few people have said is what needs to concern your DH - for your nanny to have the attitude towards you that she has, it HAS to make you wonder/ be concerned if she's going to "take it out" on your child in some way. You'd hope not- you'd hope that she's at least THAT professional. But - this is your child and it's not an area to play games!!!

You say your DH is more on board - good. I hope that stands. Because he really needs to "get" what the issues are here. I just don't see how you can trust her, at all.

[egishere]

I agree that it is time to start looking even if it's only for a temporary person for 9 months. Clearly she is lying to you and then her being rude to you this morning is just not acceptable. If you don't fire her I think you need to get a back bone and stand up to her and make it very clear that she was wrong.
I have been in a similar situation like this with our old nanny - she called in "sick" her last day of work and then was super rude to me about when she would get paid, etc. I was so mad because I thought she really cared for my children and was a part of our family but her actions showed otherwise. She also said a lot of rude things to me over text. The nanny we have now is fabulous and we definitely consider her family but she is also smart enough to understand I'm her boss and we respect each other. Seriously if you aren't comfortable being around her, get rid of her...I promise there is someone much better out there!

[pugz]

I am so confused by the dynamics here. So she's nice and respectful to him...probably because she finds him easier to manipulate

[fortmyersbride]

Jan 2, 2013 11:38:43 GMT -5 hocus said:

Jan 2, 2013 11:33:19 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

I can't get over so much of this: that she's still watching your kids, that your husband tolerates her talking to you like that, that you tolerate her talking to you like that. Seriously, find another nanny, now. And you and your DH need to have a serious talk about respect tonight.

DH is more on board right now.

But in truth we *need* some sort of care. We can't just fire her. That would put my job/DH's job in jeopardy. We're trying to see if our occasional babysitter is willing to take the job. If not we'll probably interview over the weekend. Overall it is still maybe 2 weeks until we can get a new sitter in and set up.

I understand how hard it can be to find last minute care. We fired a temp nanny last spring. She had asked for a day off, I said no as I had no backup care for that day. She then called in "sick" with a constellation of very dramatic and conflicting symptoms, a bad idea when you work for 2 physicians. I called her bluff and told her she really needed to go to the hospital if she was that sick (was claiming stroke like symptoms in her mid 20s). She miraculously felt better the next day. I never let her return to work. I told her she needed to see a doctor, she never did. I paid out her 2 weeks severance and that was it. She was great with the kids but I couldn't tolerate the elaborate lie.

Of course being able to terminate her on the spot was dependent on having a relative in town who was able to watch the kids the rest of the week, and being able to fly a grandparent in for another week while I found my new temp nanny. I can understand having to hold out a bit for the nanny search while you replace her if you have no other back ups.

[aspentosh]

Jan 2, 2013 11:18:36 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

"Isn't so bad" isn't a standard that's acceptable for a nanny. But you know that.

I could care less about an employee being rude to me actually. The problem with a nanny is that it breaks down communication - and that just won't work.

That is exactly where I am.

Talk to your husband and explain to him your position. Unless he has a super awesome reason (??) to keep her on, start looking for a new nanny.

[GailGoldie]

I don't recall but why can't you look into a daycare center situation in the mean time?? why must it be a nanny RIGHT NOW?

Shit- after that nanny murdered those 2 kids in Manhattan this fall - the idea of leaving my child alone with anyone who isn't 100% sane when dealing with her just makes me shiver ---- she's insane enough to treat you like that... she's insane enough to have a 'broken phone' b/c she doesn't want to work.... i'm not saying she's a murderer but I'm saying I could not leave my child alone with someone like that and function at all in any job.

daycare centers here take kids from 6weeks and up --- you are in the US right?

[vanillacourage]

Your DH getting on the phone with the nanny and insisting she apologize (i.e. treating her like a petulant teenager) is beyond bizarre. The power dynamics at play here are not healthy.

[GailGoldie]

Jan 2, 2013 13:51:04 GMT -5 littlespitfire said:

Jan 2, 2013 13:40:44 GMT -5 GailGoldie said:

I don't recall but why can't you look into a daycare center situation in the mean time?? why must it be a nanny RIGHT NOW?

I think she said centers in her area only take kids 2 and up?

yeah- i just don't get that... hence, asking if she's in the US> I mean- how can an entire area of the country not have child care other than nannies avail to people with babies?