Asshole or not asshole?

[Deleted]

My husband's former co-worker (and now good friend) recently got engaged.  I like my husband's friend, but the fiancee, while nice, is not really someone I'd voluntarily choose to befriend.

The couple seems to be making a big push to be our "couple friends."  We went to dinner with them once, which was fine, but not particularly exciting or entertaining for me.  But, again, we like the guy a lot, so I guess this is what we have to do to continue seeing him?

The guy gave us a ride to the airport -- super nice!  And then he gave us a card that his fiancee hand-made.  It is really...crafty.  He had me open it in front of him, and I feigned delight to the best of my ability.

When we were waiting for our flight, my husband said, "She sure does have a lot of time on her hands."  And then we both laughed.  I was relieved he said that because...well, it's hard for me to plaster on a fake smile for stuff like this.  She wished us fun and safe travels in the card.  SO NICE.  She also asked that we send her postcards.

I'm so annoyed by that request.  I probably have no right to be.  After all, he gave us a ride to the airport, and she fucking made a card from scratch with all sorts of knick-knacks and sticky things and pop-up shit and whatever on it.

I'm an asshole, right?

But, seriously, I have no desire to write a faux heartfelt note to her everywhere we go.

[girlfriday11]

Aw. Send her my way, I need more friends.

[jane6672]

I feel bad for her, because she is obviously enamored.

But, you aren't marrying her, your H's friend is. You shouldn't have to fake it.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Not an asshole and it doesn't have to be heartfelt. "Having a great time at your momma's house! See you soon!"

[LeggsBenedict]

She would not get a postcard from me. Maybe my h would write one, while I rolled my eyes and made fake gagging faces.

[Deleted]

Seems like she is trying too hard which can be annoying. But she seems nice

[PeonyParty]

She seems nice enough from what you say. I do think it's weird that she asked you to send her a postcard, but maybe she just needed something to say to fill the space of the card? I don't know man!

[ECB]

Do you normally send postcards? If not, then DEFINITLEY not asshole. If you do, doesn't make you an asshole but it makes her less presumptuous.

[Deleted]

I am tempted to snap a pic of the card.

But I am trying to be ever-so-slightly less asshholish. LOL.

[MWOS]

Don't you just HATE how unreliable international mail can be? I can't believe those postcards you sent didn't arrive!

[hisno1girl]

Not an asshole.

I think it's totally bizarre that she made you a card for a trip.

[flex]

If you're an asshole for feeling that way, then I guess I'm an asshole too. I would be polite with her, but I wouldn't encourage her by sending a bunch of postcards. One maybe, but that's it.

Overly needy people like that make me nervousE. lol

[LeggsBenedict]

Feb 16, 2013 21:29:32 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Not an asshole, she's treating you like you're her boyfriend and you are both 16.

My mom read all of my postcards my boyfriend sent.

GAWD, MOM.

[hisno1girl]

Feb 16, 2013 21:29:43 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

I am tempted to snap a pic of the card.

But I am trying to be ever-so-slightly less asshholish. LOL.

Okay that might be a little assholish but I would love you even more if you did. I would do it but I'm pretty sure that I'm an asshole.

[pantsparty]

Do NOT send a postcard! She will expect one every trip!

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 21:29:13 GMT -5 ECB said:

Do you normally send postcards? If not, then DEFINITLEY not asshole. If you do, doesn't make you an asshole but it makes her less presumptuous.

I never send postcards!

[underwaterrhymes]

Aw, I would send a postcard.

Not from every destination. Just one.

But a nice one.

[sneetch]

Not an asshole. Postcards are a pain in the ass - especially trying to make sure they get in the mail while on vacation.

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 21:31:06 GMT -5 Que? said:

Her H drove you to the airport, so send her a token postcard and be done with it. Don't ask him for any more favors, so you're not trapped by repaying them in kindness to his wife.

Yeah, I think I'm obligated to send one postcard.

Also, we didn't ask him for a ride.  He offered out of the blue.  Seriously.  I mean, what do you say to that?  My husband just said yes because he was completely caught off-guard.

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 21:33:41 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Do NOT send a postcard! She will expect one every trip!

I am afraid of this.  Very afraid.

But I feel like I have to send one because he gave us a ride to the airport.

Ugh.

[hisno1girl]

Feb 16, 2013 21:35:31 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Feb 16, 2013 21:29:13 GMT -5 ECB said:

Do you normally send postcards? If not, then DEFINITLEY not asshole. If you do, doesn't make you an asshole but it makes her less presumptuous.

I never send postcards!

Even if you did send postcards, this chick is presumptuous to think she would already be on your postcard list. Next thing you know, she'll want to be in your top ten speed dials!! Lol

[speckledfrog]

"Oh, you didn't get the postcard I (totally didn't only pretend to) send you? What a bummer."

[ECB]

Feb 16, 2013 21:35:31 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Feb 16, 2013 21:29:13 GMT -5 ECB said:

Do you normally send postcards? If not, then DEFINITLEY not asshole. If you do, doesn't make you an asshole but it makes her less presumptuous.

I never send postcards!

Then I definitley wouldn't bother now. It's not that you need to be a jerk to her, but you also don't have to start doing things you don't normally do for her either. And while it's "just a postcard", if you send one, she WILL expect it every time you go somewhere.

[hisno1girl]

Feb 16, 2013 21:38:00 GMT -5 mofongo said:

She's going to pick you up with roses when you return.

And a sign with hearts and heart shaped bubbles over the letter i

[emsumm]

Aw, I feel bad for her. It sounds like she's trying really hard to get her new H's friends to like her. I will be a voice of dissent and say I'd take pity on her and be sweet back. If you want to stay friends with the dude you probably don't have a choice anyway

[pantsparty]

If you feel you must do something, bring back something for THEM as thanks.

Homemade card is a little weird.

[flex]

Feb 16, 2013 21:40:01 GMT -5 ECB said:

Feb 16, 2013 21:35:31 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

I never send postcards!

Then I definitley wouldn't bother now. It's not that you need to be a jerk to her, but you also don't have to start doing things you don't normally do for her either. And while it's "just a postcard", if you send one, she WILL expect it every time you go somewhere.

I don't know--I think that if she asks for a postcard the next time you take a trip, you can give her a rueful smile and say "I'm sorry--I don't normally mail postcards.  I just did it that one time because you and your FI were so nice to give us a ride to the airport", then leave it at that.

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 21:38:53 GMT -5 neener said:

I think people say, "Send me a postcard!" without wanting one actually mailed. It's sort of a colloquial saying to me more than a literal request (especially if she knew you were going to be on a boat for most of the trip).

I'd get her a postcard and/or some other small souvenirs to give her when you return.

She wrote, "I love postcards!" followed by her address in her crafty card.

I'm not a frequent recipient of handmade cards, but I'm pretty sure this was quite the serious request.

And no way am I hauling shit home for this girl.  I rarely even buy stuff for my family and actual friends.

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 21:42:24 GMT -5 emsumm said:

Aw, I feel bad for her. It sounds like she's trying really hard to get her new H's friends to like her. I will be a voice of dissent and say I'd take pity on her and be sweet back. If you want to stay friends with the dude you probably don't have a choice anyway

Did you just tell me to be sweet?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[ECB]

If you feel the need to do something because he gave you a ride, pick them up a small "token of apprecitation" from your trip. I realize that probably would cost more, but it makes more sense if you want to thank him than sending a postcard.