I'm sorry, I'm sure it was hard to come to this decision. My BFF left her husband in a similar situation (no kids but she had no money of her own). She was making $10/hour at Caribou. But she made it work and she is so much better off without her ex H. Good luck to you!
I know this get's thrown around a lot, but would counseling help?
He won't. He is stubborn and thinks I'm to blame. He won't take any accountability for anything.
Thanks guys, it really means a lot to get encouraging words.
Ugh. I would go crazy if I had to live with someone who wouldn't take any responsibility for anything. It takes two. He really didn't leave you much choice.
I'd suggest consulting a lawyer very soon (today if you can) to get some real answers to your questions and advise you going forward.
I'm sorry. This is cold but if you can hang on long enough to get your money situation worked out I'd recommend doing that before leaving.
He's leaving the house. I'm not exactly sure what to do about money without "stealing" it from our joint accounts.
Consult an attorney but most states you are entitled to half of all joint accounts. make sure you get documentation of all financials my dad screwed my mom and she didn't have the records to prove it.
I think (but am NOT a lawyer) you are entitled to half of what joint money there is, right? I don't think this would be considered stealing. You have to have a way to support yourselves and your kids during this process. My best advice would be to get some legal advice asap.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope turning 30 will be the beginning of better things for you. Big hugs.
I just don't want to fuck my kids up by not being together. We don't fight often, and not in front of them if we do.
I guess he's just got some issues and if he can't work through them, its not fair to live like this. I know it's been said a million times, but they need a happy mom (I don't think he'll ever be happy).
But you probably aren't affectionate either. So what they see is an emotionless/cold relationship? I don't think seeing their parents fight damages kids. I think it's seeing them always fighting and never apologizing and never being happy together that causes damage.
Emotions are good. They just need to be balanced.
And kids adapt pretty quickly.
I'm not saying it will be perfect, there will be hard times. But I think they are probably picking up on tension and in the end will be better off.
i do not want to be alarmist, and this couldn't be further from my area of practice, but you need to talk to someone now about money issues. a lawyer, i mean. even if you guys settle this all amicably, you need to get a sense of what you're entitled to and how best to manage it (together and separately). you don't need to be in a situation where you're trying to pay for milk for the kids and your card for the joint account doesn't work anymore without warning. you know?
I just don't want to fuck my kids up by not being together. We don't fight often, and not in front of them if we do.
I guess he's just got some issues and if he can't work through them, its not fair to live like this. I know it's been said a million times, but they need a happy mom (I don't think he'll ever be happy).
My parents divorced and I promise it didn't screw us up, we're all happy and reasonably successful (1 brother is an artist so isn't financially well off but he's ok financially and loves what he does so he's good)
trust me your kids will be happier having two happy homes then one unhappy one, and believe me even if you don't fight in front of them kids pick up on this stuff, I certainly did.
I am so sorry aeg. I truly do believe that this is the beginning of your life. You deserve to be happy, and you will find happiness. Your kids will see that and they will thrive.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. It's so tough, but I promise, it will get better, and you'll be so much happier.
Thanks. You and bamker and everyone else here who's been in this situation makes me feel like I can do this! I just wish I didn't have to drag kids into it. But, they'll get me through it.
It will be so much healthier for your kids if you're on your own, or in a relationship that really makes you happy. Towards the end of my marriage, I started to realize that that was not the kind of relationship that I would have wanted for my kids, so why was I trying to bring kids into the situation.
I really like what Crackhabit said. She's right. You are very young and have so much ahead of you! Divorce sucks, but you will get through it and move on to much better things. Good luck!
Post by mrlittlejeans on Mar 15, 2013 10:34:05 GMT -5
Honestly, I would be so freaked out to be on my own with kids. But, maybe it would be nice for you to know that you don't have to wait for the other shoe to drop all of the time. It's must be exhausting to be in the cycle that he has you in. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. You sound like a great mom and you guys will be ok.
I am sorry Aeg.. Hugs to you. And I will tell you your 30s are great! Its just a number (I know its hard to leave your 20s behind but just think of the possibilities!)