FML. Seriously.

[papie]

(((hugs)))

[StormyDixon]

Mar 29, 2013 8:30:53 GMT -5 @sirsleepsalot said:

Mar 28, 2013 23:01:41 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

LeggsBenedict -Yes, he was. He was staying with a friend all weekend. I was counting on him staying with his parents for the rest of the time, but apparently when he 'fessed up the full story of what happened to his dad FIL basically told him he was a shitbag for doing that to me and now he will not ask if he can stay there.

I was feeling guilty that he would be paying for the house but not be able to stay there. I wasn't going to try to force him to stay on the boat/barracks/whatever while he was acting like a reasonable, rational adult so I agreed he could stay in the extra room as long as he didn't act like a psycho.

Also, as someone who was engaged to a total shitbag a decade ago - I did all the "humane" things like not sell his stuff when he owed me a ton of money and not kick him out, etc. etc. etc.  I can tell you from experience, guys like that DO NOT think like you and me. They are manipulators.  Manipulators don't see that as nice, they see it as WEAKNESS.  Do what you need to do, kick his ass out, let him fuck up his military career - whatever.  None of that has anything to do w/ you.  If he doesn't pay you anything ever (unlikely b/c they can garnish wages from whatever job he gets if he doesn't pay court ordered support...right?) you still get away ahead of the game.  The cost of keeping him in your life over the promise of money is NOT WORTH IT.  The sooner you move on, the closer you are to a better life.

this is excellant advice

[verycontrary247]

Mar 29, 2013 8:43:30 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Mar 29, 2013 8:41:04 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

I haven't talked to CMC since the police showed up last night. I missed a call from him this morning and he said he was about to go into a meeting but will call back as soon as he's out.

What did he say last night about all of this?

Basically that he was sorry about what I was going through, wanted to know if S had been drinking or if he had physically assaulted me, if there was anywhere I could go, if I was okay. Stuff like that.

[Deleted]

((hugs)) he's senseless emotional outbursts are worrisome. Do you have anything in your home that you could use to protect yourself? Like a bat or something? I'd keep the police on speed dial and try getting a restraining order. ((hugs))

[Deleted]

very contrary, i cannot pretend to understand what you are going through. i know that your husband has turned abusive. but there are two things that are sticking out to me in what you're saying and i want to address them with outside perspective.

the first is the cats. i know that you love those cats. i know that you are committed to them. i cannot fathom why your parents, understanding what you are going through now, would not permit you to take them to their house. cannot. fathom. i wouldn't turn my daughter away with an orangutang if she was hurting. i wonder if you just show up when you've reached your breaking point with trying to work out your living situation and say "i'm fleeing my abusive relationship and i'm here for support and shelter and so are my cats" and see what happens then.

the second is the concern you seem to have about the level of post-divorce monetary support and not wanting to jeopardize his job. you are an intelligent, capable woman. of course you are entitled to every last cent that is owed to you, but you're right now in a crisis situation. put other things first. if, for some reason, this has a negative impact on the amount of support you receive later i am absolutely confident that you will find a way through regardless.


ETA:  you can get a TRO.  call the legal aid for your county, or go see the JAG officers.  they will know how to go about it.  you don't have to have ONE lawyer handle everything from now until you're through the divorce.  if you are afraid for your personal safety, you can get a TRO.  you can change the locks.  you can leave your residence if you so desire and he cannot follow you.  you'll likely have a follow up hearing later for a permanent restraining order.  my husband was a JAG officer for years.  i promise you, they will help you if they can.  not only is it their job, they deal with situations like whoa all the time.  this doesn't reflect on you and doesn't even have to reflect on your husband.  but you get the help you need, now.

[Deleted]

I would look into getting some kind of protective order and having it enforced on base like the PP recommended so he can't leave.

You need to talk to another attorney today and get this order filed TODAY. Did you talk to a counselor yet? Maybe they have an attorney they can recommend? If not I would call a domestic abuse line and see if they can recommend an attorney.

I'm so sorry and worried about you. This could get very bad very quickly. Please be safe and stop being nice to him. You do not owe this to him.

[Deleted]

What cville said - every last word.

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this and very concerned about you. Your safety is what matters first and foremost. The rest is not an immediate priority.

[Tacocat]

I agree with Cville also. Please go somewhere safe and get a restraining order now. It's only a matter of time before he actually harms you if you are alone in the house together.

[Deleted]

She may not be able to get a protective order. His behavior is scary, but he didn't touch her and his threats were not ones of physical violence toward her. OP, of course it depends on the laws of you state and you should look into it. You definitely need to lawyer up right away.

[pugz]

judges typically will not give out a protective order until there have been threats of or actual instances of physical harm. Unfortunately fearing for your safety isn't enough unless the abuser has done or said something that threatens that physical safety.

[Deleted]

y'all, she's posted and deleted other things here that i think were clear threats to her physical safety. i understand that the standards are varied across states, etc. but i'm not just all "omigah, you can totes get a TRO because he's mean." nothing is a guarantee, except that she definitely will never get a TRO if she doesn't ask for one.

[mamasaurus]

::hug::