Grandparent Visitation Policy

[SteelCity44]

Can you refresh me on your visitation policy for LO's grandparents? Do they get equal time? Do you travel to see them equally? Do they travel to see you? Do you think they all deserve the same amount of time?

#clearlytryingtowinanargument

[ruby412]

We have no real policy, but my parents see V much more often than H's. My parents only live 5 minutes away and H's are 35 minutes. Mostly, both sets come to our house, but we have gone to theirs many times. Everyone is welcome to "equal time" and of course deserve to spend time with V. She is always available for their enjoyment. But some people make it a point to visit frequently and others are busy doing their own thing - fine by me!

Only real policy would be to call first, I guess. No showing up unannounced!

(I hope you win your argument!)

[imimahoney]

Sighhh, this is a big one for me.

Dh's parents live 25 minutes away. And we have seen them almost every weekend that Ari has been alive. I'd say, maybe 6 weekends tops have we not seen them. It's insane!

Granted his family celebrates every freaking holiday, birthday, whatever so there were a lot of reasons for the visits. But even when there is nothing planned, they have to see Ari. Like tonight, they hadn't seen him all weekend and then just stopped by to see him. They are nice people but OMG I see them way too much.

My dad is in NYC we don't see him very often. I would love for me dad to spend more time with Ari but it's just not that easy. For my dad, we typically go to him or meet in the middle at my sister's house. But he is traveling up here for Ari's birthday.

[Deleted]

We live 20 minutes from my parents and 8 hours from my ILs so she obviously sees mine more. However, the ILs know they can visit when they want to.

[shevacc]

We try for equal. Mine are across the country and DH's are a 10 hour drive away so we see DH's a little more. But plan to travel to each once a year. Both sets of parents are welcome to visit us more often, but that's up to them.

[muppetinma]

We have three sets of grandparents, although none of them live closer than 5 hours away. If we are making the effort to visit, we do so equally. They are all welcome to come visit on their own whenever.

[spaghetticat]

I don't make an effort to make it equal or anything and we don't have a real policy. I have always had breakfast with my dad on Sundays, so my side sees her once a week usually. My inlaws make more of an effort to see her and usually come down to my house every Saturday night. They sometimes see her more often, too. Both sets live about 30 minutes from me.

[SteelCity44]

You guys have so extreme situations! Wow! I think we're all on the same page though. We go out to see each set of grandparents maybe once/month or 2. My parents (45 mins away) come out every or every other week to see LO/help us out with something. Some weeks, they're out multiple times because we need babysitters or other various things. They are competent babysitters. My ILs are not. The IL's (25 mins away) have come out to see Micah twice this year, including his birthday party.

We got the call today, "When do I get Micah for the day?" We were out there last weekend, and it was pure hell. No one watched any of the kids, so I had to hover parent. MIL was fake cigarette smoking with Micah on her lap. And they all curse like freaking sailors! No one ever lets Micah play. They keep him on their lap the entire time. Oh, and my MIL is constantly in and out of the hospital because she's dying. MH works 6 days/week. Sundays are the only family time we have. I'm not giving it up for that crazy lady. She can come over here and visit her grandson. We're not sending him over there alone. MH said I'm being unreasonable. I'm not sure I care.

[bigapple]

My in-laws live about an hour drive away (two hours for us by subway and bus) and we usually see them monthly. My dad lives in New Mexico, so he's flown to us twice in NY and us to him once. Carter has great-grandparents on both sides in New England, so he sees both on each trip up there (5-6 times). He's only met his other great-grandmother (my dad's mom) once when we flew to CA to visit.

[katfco]

Sounds like you don't have a fairness issue, but a trust issue. If your ILs are not good role models or trustworthy, then don't leave him with them.

We have ILs 10-12 hours away from us, so we try to split our vacation times equally, but my ILs are more able to travel, so they come visit more often than my mom.

[rainbowchip]

We basically go where we are asked. So if ILs want to see the kids they can make arrangements to do so.

We don't really trust them to babysitter so if we need a sitter, its my parents.

[browneyedhunni85]

My parents watch Christian so they see him more. Heck, they see him more than I do. MIL usually comes over on the weekend and spends 1-2 hours with him. FIL hardly sees him and they only live about 15 minutes away. We alternate holidays. Last year we had Christmas with my family so this Christmas will be Christmas at the inlaws and Thanksgiving with mine. If we ever need a babysitter we always ask MIL just because my parents get more time with him.

[kkfeb04]

My mother lives an hour away, ILs live 2.5 hours away.

My mother makes no effort to have a relationship with the kids or I. She has seen them 4 times since DD was born less than 10 times since DS was born.

There are multiple issues surrounding MIL/Herpes. Herpes is on supervised visits only and I nor DH trust her alone with either child and that's been set since DS was a baby. She's getting worse as she gets older and for the past year she has told DH that he chose his "other" family over his true family at more conversations than I can count. It will be a long time until she sees them again.

Herpes thinks I should take the kids to her every month. DH works every weekend. This is the person who never calls when I'm home, so explain to me why I should take them to her house.

[katie]

Like imaimahoney my ILs always want to see Lillian all the time and we have almost the exact situation, we go there almost every weekend, very rarely do we miss one. This is tough because I don't care for my MIL at all. Before L was born we didn't talk for 2 years. But I'm trying to not let that get in the way with her and them. We usually go on Saturdays. They have bought all but one box of diapers and one box of wipes. They are very generous but I feel they buy it to get us over there. Whatever, off topic I guess. They live about 20 minutes or so, have to take the highway to get there.

My parents we see about every other weekend..they live about 10 minutes away. My parents do things and we do things on weekends, so we both kind of respect that where his parents think weekly isn't enough time with her.

Very rarely do either of them visit us which is kind of fine because our house has become a disaster area.

[vthokie]

We try and do our side pretty evenly. DHs parents are 2 hours away and mine are 4. We try and see everyone once a month somehow. My parents come up every 6 weeks or so since my mom only works Monday and Wednesday, and my dad can work on the road. They come up on Thursday usually and leave Sunday morning. DHs family hasn't come as often, but we have made a few day trips there. It's harder for us to get to my parents. We trade holidays.

[devonpow]

We have no policy, and all grandparents are at minimum a 3.5 hour flight away. We tend to visit my parents the most (because they live in florida and have a pool and guest house, so we escape there a lot in cold weather), but my in laws tend to fly here to see us the most (3-4 times a year) and will babysit the kids while we go on vacation. Dh's dad (both sets of parents are divorced) we usually only see once a year (he goes on a vacation with us each year) and my mom we haven't seen in 5 years.

none of our parents care how much they see us vs. the other set. Everyone understands that it is hard with living so far away, and we do what we can. We keep a family blog that I update with photos, videos, and stories several times a week, so they get their fix that way.

[devonpow]

Oh, and for holidays we tend to alternate thanksgiving and we won't travel for Christmas, but we have an open invite for anyone to join us who wants.

[mala]

My parents and H's dad (and his fiancé) all live about an hour away, in opposite directions. We(B&I) see my parents usually weekly. H will come too if he's not working, but usually I go to my parents for dinner when h is working so I don't have to cook. When we don't see my parents for more than a week they start to complain. They babysit occasionally but they don't push us to babysit.

H's dad is the opposite. He's seen b only a handful of times. He just doesn't seem interested in her at all. He and H don't have the best relationship.

[mala]

My parents and H's dad (and his fiancé) all live about an hour away, in opposite directions. We(B&I) see my parents usually weekly. H will come too if he's not working, but usually I go to my parents for dinner when h is working so I don't have to cook. When we don't see my parents for more than a week they start to complain. They babysit occasionally but they don't push us to babysit.

H's dad is the opposite. He's seen b only a handful of times. He just doesn't seem interested in her at all. He and H don't have the best relationship.

[BlueNotebook]

We don't have a formal policy. My parents are local, his are 16 hours away. We see mine once a week during the week for dinner and then once or twice a month for family lunch with my sisters. We only see his once or twice a year but they are welcome to come any time, for as long as they want, and we will do whatever we can to make it work with their schedule.

[AndyCohen]

We don't have a policy. My family lives a 7 hour drive/one hour flight away. In-laws live in Paris. My mom tries to come visit 1 weekend every month or two. In-laws come to town about twice a year, but they're in town for 3-6 weeks at a time. We fly to visit my family every 3-4 months, but that's because my grandparents can't travel and I want to spend time with them while I still can.

Also I SAH so I can fly alone with Audrey and stay for a week when I visit. If we were to visit the ILs, H would have to use vacation time and it would be a 6 hour flight.

[raynes]

My mom and step dad are about 20 mins away and we see them probably ever other week? My dad and step mom are 60 mins away and we see them maybe once a month, if not once every 2 months. The ILs live 3 hours away, so we really only see them every few months, though we got them a webcam for Christmas and try to Skype weekly.

We don't really have a policy. Steel, I wouldn't want to let them babysit in your position either.

[fusion]

My mom is in town and she usually takes Jameson all day on Sundays. We'll be trading now that Anna is mostly weaned to Anna one weekend and Jameson the next. During school breaks we'll usually do something during the week also with my mom (she's a teacher). My MIL lives out of state and will fly out every 6-8 weeks to stay for around 5 days, sometimes longer if she is needed (she stayed around a month with the birth of each kid). We switch out Christmas and stay in town one xmas and travel to MIL the next. I trust both completely with the safety of the kids and they both get along well. My H and I are going on a vacation in June and MIL is flying here to stay with one kid while my mom has the other.

[jaime183]

we live in Oregon, both sets of grandparents live in PA.
We see who makes an effort to come here. When it comes to us traveling there it's usually for a reason (wedding, etc) so that determines who we see.

no real policy but I like to make plans and they both decide things last minute which is annoying. Last minute to me is a month before when it involves a cross country trip

[Deleted]

No actual "policy" but it's not needed in our situation, I know people who need it for different reasons.

We live with my mom and step dad
We see MIL and FIL once or twice a week (we always go to them- Live 15 min away)
We see my dad and stepmom about once a month (live 5 minutes away)

[Dorothy Zbornak]

We try to see my mom at least once or twice a year. Usually she'll fly over once, and we'll fly over once. We are currently cockblocking DH's asshole parents because they are selfish asshole douchebags.

[bebeetmoi]

Neither my parents or DH's are close by, though my ILs are a 1.5 hour drive away and mine are 4.5. We see my family much more often despite the distance. My mother makes trips to NY every other month or so and we will make trips up to see them depending on what's going on. My ILs don't like to drive long distances and my DH isn't a fan of going to see them often. I speak to my MIL a few times a week and send them photos constantly though.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Apr 7, 2013 21:46:15 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

No policy, no deserving, it's not about them.

My parents get this; my ILs do not. My IL's are wonderful people, but just don't comprehend that we had a child to build *our* family, not *their family*.

[geekychic]

When they invite us... or we invite them... and everyone is available.

Granted, ILs live nearby and we see them every other week or so. My folks live far away, so they don't see DD as often.

[Regina Philange]

Its so hard to please everyone. My in laws live in Indiana. My mom watches Lou everyday, but in September will watch him two days a week then daycare the rest. So clearly, you can see how the in laws get upset. My MIL feels left out.