My DH co-owns an IT Consulting firm. There is no such thing as paternity leave when you're a business owner. He took 5 days off when dd was born and those weren't even consecutive. His job; however, allows me to stay home with no financial worries.
Because watching a baby doesn't require two people? I sort of take offense at this question. DH is taking two weeks. I guess he could take longer if we thought it was necessary but he only gets one week paid and is using one week vacation. We are saving the rest of his vacation for actual vacations. He could take unpaid leave I guess but there will be a competent adult (me) already paid to watch his son.
2-3 weeks? LOL. My husband took 2-3 DAYS and yes I am still bitter about it!
For him it was a combination of having a demanding job that makes taking off even one week difficult and probably a sense of not wanting to hurt his career as well. It used to be that fathers traditionally took two weeks off at his firm but over the past few years (when we had our kids) that has gone down to one week or a few days. He technically gets 6 weeks off a year but never takes that much time. Eh, it is what it is, what can you do.
Because watching a baby doesn't require two people? I sort of take offense at this question. DH is taking two weeks. I guess he could take longer if we thought it was necessary but he only gets one week paid and is using one week vacation. We are saving the rest of his vacation for actual vacations. He could take unpaid leave I guess but there will be a competent adult (me) already paid to watch his son.
It doesn't but it's nice to have that time to bond as a family. Plus the new mom is going through the PP hormonal meltdown and she may not be feeling 100% yet. Also, if you have older kids, it's nice to have someone take them off your hands so you can get the hang of nursing a new baby again.
Post by karinothing on Apr 10, 2013 12:12:13 GMT -5
DS took 3 months (it was paid though). I loved it. I really enjoyed it and I think it put us on equal footing as parents if that makes sense. We both got to learn everything together. It was nice.
H got 5 days paid paternity. He used 4 of them while I was in the hospital. Then he worked from home for a week and worked half days for the next week.
My leave was not paid and he makes ~75% of our HHI. It would not have been financially feasible for him to take unpaid leave. He could have taken PTO but honestly he wanted to save his remaining days to use around the holidays and I encouraged that. Plus, once I could drive (after 2 weeks due to c/s), I was out and about almost every day. That would have driven him crazy.
Because watching a baby doesn't require two people? I sort of take offense at this question. DH is taking two weeks. I guess he could take longer if we thought it was necessary but he only gets one week paid and is using one week vacation. We are saving the rest of his vacation for actual vacations. He could take unpaid leave I guess but there will be a competent adult (me) already paid to watch his son.
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to offend anyone. Clearly I'm not yet a parent, so maybe I'm just intimidated by the thought of 100% responsible for a baby after 2 weeks and presumably being sleep-deprived as well. I think that having DH around for at least the first 6 weeks would be great because it would mean we both had backup, and also that once we were both back working we would be equally experienced with the baby and could continue to share responsibilities. Obviously all couples approach things differently, which is why I was curious and asked. We're really not sure what our long-term future is with regard to which jobs we're keeping (DH actually has 2 jobs, one is on the weekends), and we really have no way of knowing what we'll want and what will work for us in until the baby is actually here.
DH was working the next day. He works from home, so it was easy for him to start working. And it was kind of nice when he would leave for appointments. It was not a big deal to me and it worked well for us.
I think at most companies, a father taking more than 2 weeks or using FMLA after the birth of his child is pretty rare. It is a combination of things but mostly cultural/financial. Paid paternity leave is even more rare than paid maternity leave and most couples can't afford for both parents to take unpaid leave.
I would have gone nuts with dh home with me for 12 weeks. He took the first 2 weeks off, then went back to work as he was in the middle of a big project, then took another week off when she was 2 months old when his parents came to visit for a week. Dh has 6 weeks of paid vacation but likes to stagger it throughout the year for long weekends, trips, and holidays.
My H took two weeks and then worked from home a couple days a week for next month. We felt at the time that his employer was being very supportive. I just don't think he would consider going on disability for 12 weeks.
To be honest, my coworker (guy) took FMLA last year and he was given major side eye.
DH spent the first two weeks "working from home". By the end, we were both ready for him to go back to the office. He is the type of guy that always needs something to do, so he did not like being stuck at home with me spending most of my time nursing or napping. His car was very clean by the end of the two weeks.
Post by carolinagirl831 on Apr 10, 2013 12:30:38 GMT -5
There is no way DH could take that... I had grandparent help so DH only used vacation the week I had my csection, it was. Tuesday And he was back to work Monday. If we didn't have help he would have had to take off some since I couldn't drive and we had various Drs apts. I would rather DH save his vacation for later this year, if we want to go somewhere or DD is sick, for the holidays, ect
Post by definitelyO on Apr 10, 2013 12:31:25 GMT -5
I took 7 weeks and then when I went back to work DH stayed home for 8 weeks. combination of accrued vacation time and FMLA - BUT he works for a VERY progressive and family/benefit friendly company.
Post by liveintheville on Apr 10, 2013 12:35:13 GMT -5
I replied SS. Because it was less than 3 weeks with Kid 1 and more than 3 weeks with Kid 2.
With Kid 1 he took a week right after he was born and then a day here and there after my parents left. Kid 1 was not planned and was born during a year he was going for a promotion. He had a major project happening that didn't end until Kid 1 was 9 months old. We took a vacation once it ended. Kid 2 was planned and we agreed 4 weeks leave after the birth was good. He made sure he didn't have any major deadlines around my due date, etc.
Oh and he's in IT. So even during his leave he was checking in and doing some work and was reachable. He, also, has the ability to work from home whenever he needs to which gave us a lot of flexibility with both kids, like he could always drive us to the newborn appts, etc.
There is no way DH could take that... I had grandparent help so DH only used vacation the week I had my csection, it was. Tuesday And he was back to work Monday. If we didn't have help he would have had to take off some since I couldn't drive and we had various Drs apts. I would rather DH save his vacation for later this year, if we want to go somewhere or DD is sick, for the holidays, ect
This might be part of the reason DH is planning to take more leave than most - we have no family nearby, and few really good friends (none with kids). Our parents might be able to fly out and visit for a week, but it's a big trip both sets of them.
I just realized I responded incorrectly in the previous post. DH took 2 weeks off after DD was born. However, he took a 10 week leave later when I went back to work. I liked having our leaves staggered... he would have annoyed me if we were home together all day for 12 weeks.
MH wasn't eligible for FMLA, and his leave was unpaid, but he works for a small, family-owned business and they agreed to the time off, plus we could afford it.
Because watching a baby doesn't require two people? I sort of take offense at this question. DH is taking two weeks. I guess he could take longer if we thought it was necessary but he only gets one week paid and is using one week vacation. We are saving the rest of his vacation for actual vacations. He could take unpaid leave I guess but there will be a competent adult (me) already paid to watch his son.
I actually agree with this. Beyond just getting the hang of things over the first couple weeks, I'm not sure what both of us would have done at home all day. As I posted above, MH took a long leave after I went back to work, which gave him his own time to bond with DD and figure things out. I think that put us on equal footing as parents more than having him home at the same time as me.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Apr 10, 2013 12:47:00 GMT -5
h was self employed when dd was born - no FLMA for him and no 'paternity' leave. dd was born on a wednesday, he went back to work that friday i think. given his flexible work schedule, he was home 2 days during the week which ending up helping quite a bit and kept dd out of daycare FT until she was about 6 months old.
even i didn't take all of the time FLMA allowed simply b/c my em'or has less than 50 em'ees and isn't FLMA eligible.
My DH also took just a few days. One while I was in labor and two after he was born, plus he was already scheduled for a day off which was great since I was in labor for two days. He doesn't have benefits like paid leave, so we couldn't afford for him to take any more. I didn't qualify for FMLA or STD either, so I was fortunate that my employer let me take off for six weeks.
Two weeks was plenty for us. Summer is his busy season. He could have pushed for more, but it wasn't really necessary. There is no way he would ever take unpaid. I like money and as much as it is nice to have him home, I didn't need him to be. DS was an easy baby and our days were pretty uneventful.
He'll be doing 2 weeks for this baby as well, which is fine.
I'm pretty sure that my H will take a week off and then try to work from home/go in part time for a few weeks. I was very curious on what was normal though, which is why I asked. He plans to work from home a lot more in general, once we have the baby. He is a professor and does biomedical research, so, aside from teaching, he sets his own hours and doesn't really have to deal with sick/vacation leave policies or timekeeping of that sort. He does, however, have an extremely demanding job and he cannot just stop his research program (or his classes). He will get a grad student to be "on call" to teach his class for the first week when the baby arrives. It's going to be a challenge, that's for sure, but he has a demanding career that is his passion and we'll have to make it work. My mom is most likely going to come help out too, though I'm not sure how much help she'll be, since she can't cook or clean worth a damn! Hopefully, my MIL will come visit for a while.
Post by dragonfly08 on Apr 10, 2013 13:07:33 GMT -5
DH first would have had to use any accrued vacation, then leave would be unpaid. Never mind how any projects he was working on might suffer.
Why would we waste his vacation time and/or go without pay when it wasn't necessary? I didn't need him home for longer than the first week (in the case of #2, the first two days!). Honestly, for me, having him home was more trouble than having him at work all day! Having his vacation time available for later, when I really needed him to help out, was far more valuable to us.
I voted that MH wasn't eligible for FMLA. His employer was too small to be required to offer it. So, he took a week of vacation which was great. I took 12 weeks, and halfway through my leave we decided he would be a SAHD. So, he's been home with DS for almost his entire life!
This time, I am taking 12 weeks and DH is still a SAHD. I am looking forward to our summer together as a family. If it's annoying for both of us to be home together that long, I'll just come back to work earlier than planned.
Post by noodleskooze on Apr 10, 2013 13:13:02 GMT -5
I'm not sure what my husband's district's policy is, but he's a teacher and luckily I'm due in July, so we kinda get a month home together just by chance.
Post by spankswife on Apr 10, 2013 13:16:15 GMT -5
DH is a SAHD. He worked before baby, then took 3 weeks off when DD was born. Then I finished out my leave (6 more weeks, for a total of 9). Then he resigned when I went back. His company knew he would be leaving, but 6 more weeks of pay is 6 more weeks of pay!
He loves being a SAHD, and he is fantastic at it! DD will be 3 next month, still going strong
DH is a partner in a small law firm, so FMLA is applicable and pretty much any time he takes off is money he doesn't earn. He worked a reduced schedule the first week or so. But by reduced, I mean 9-4. He worked in the hospital the day I delivered and went home to work a few hours both days I was in the hospital. While him taking any time of would have been nice, it was impossible. We were lucky that when DD and I had a bad day, he could come home early. I took 16 weeks leave- 8 fully off and 8 part time from home. But during the part time days, I pretty much had no work to do.
Post by rootbeerfloat on Apr 10, 2013 13:26:13 GMT -5
H wasn't eligible for FMLA either time, so he had to use PTO. With DS, he used it at the end of my leave, which worked out well. With DD, he used it at the beginning. Once I was physically recovered, it didn't make sense for both of us to be home. It was nice to have him "on-call," which was a perk to him working from home for a few weeks, but beyond that, it didn't make sense to lose potential income.
DH is part of the management team for a small company (40 employees) that doesn't qualify for FMLA. Even if he was eligible, I just don't see him wanting to take more than 1-2 weeks off; it's not in his nature to be stuck at home, not working. Right now, he is planning to play it by ear in regards to time off, and will probably still put in a few hours of work from home each day after the baby is born.
Post by zacksbride on Apr 10, 2013 13:38:07 GMT -5
SS over here. DH is an FMLA eligible employee, but any time he takes off outside of vacation needs to be made up and will prolong the length of his residency. His residency is 8 years already, we don't want to tack on any extra time
Post by SusanBAnthony on Apr 10, 2013 13:47:09 GMT -5
With Ds he was at a small company, so no FMLA. With DD he had just started a new job so no FMLA. For both, we had money in savings so we could have technically afforded it in the sense that the bills would have been paid. But we had other financial goals. If we ever have a third (which is about 2% likely) one of the conditions is that he be able to take at least 2 weeks. Not to help me, I am good at lying in bed nursing a baby Just for bonding.