DH did take 6w off with the first, but 3w was after I went back to work. With the next 2 he took off a couple weeks. I didn't go back to work after the second, so we relied too heavily on his paycheck. He has an insane amount of PTO (about 6 months), but he makes a good amount of money off of his court time and needs to get arrests. The difference in his paychecks after being on vacation for a couple weeks is pretty significant. It is much nicer on our bank account if he takes a day off here and there vs. a lot in a row.
My husband doesn't have paternity leave. I don't think we would have minded spending 12 weeks at home together though. It just isn't necessary for us, especially since my mum is going to be here with us. I had my baby on Friday and my husband just took this week off. He has had to do some work but we have spent most of the time together/with the baby.
SS- H was in college when I had DD. He missed the days we were in the hospital and a day or two at home which was the 4th of July holiday. He went back the next week but was only in class a couple hours a day.
H is a teacher and our kid was born during the summer, so he was off with me for her first 8 weeks. Honestly, if you could really plan these things, I would have rather had it so his summer vacation started right when I returned to work. There's not so much he could help out with in the beginning, since I BF, and I think he found it hard to connect to her when she was a tiny infant. He enjoyed it much more once she became more interactive, which was pretty much when he was returning to work.
Post by hilwithonelary on Apr 10, 2013 14:03:05 GMT -5
When I had DS, both DH and I were active duty Air Force, so neither of us were eligible for FMLA. I was only given 6 weeks of maternity leave myself. I took 2 additional weeks of personal leave, but more than that would have likely been turned down by my supervisor. DH took his 10 days of allowed paternity leave (kind of... he had to go in for a few hours for several days because of a big inspection). A few people he's worked with have taken an extra week or so, but more than that wouldn't really be supported by leadership.
When DD was born, I was staying home, but DH took his 10 (ish) days again. While I wish he could have stayed home longer (I think 3-4 weeks would be nice), it's just not realistic in his career.
DH qualifies for FMLA, but it's unpaid. I know there is some disability benefits available, but they are at reduced pay. It's easier for him to just take vacation. The plan is for him to take 2 weeks at the birth initially. Then we'll all be on vacation for a week over July 4th. I'm also sure he'll scatter in a few Fridays off here and there to be home with us.
I think I'm less worried because with me being due when I am it's summer, so the environment in the office is more relaxed in general, so most people end up with 4/4.5 day weeks and are gone after lunch on Fridays a lot.
He may also take off the last week of my ML, but we're playing that by ear and daycare, etc.
Post by MadamePresident on Apr 10, 2013 14:17:21 GMT -5
My husband was home two weeks, but he did some work from home those weeks. I suppose he could have taken FMLA and we would have been okay financially if he decided to stay home. He used his vacation time. At his company they are given about 2 weeks a year and he took a week earlier that year.
It never really occurred to us to have him home longer. Plus, by two weeks I was feeling pretty confident on my own.
I don't find that shocking at all. I never knew that partners are allowed to take FMLA. So that to me is shocking. DH took 2 weeks of PTO off. I honestly thought it was enough. If we had to do it unpaid then he probably would have only taken a week or so.
OP, you say you are "shocked." Do most men you know take the full 12 weeks of FMLA? Or for that matter, do most women? I don't think I know many men who did that, and I can think of several female friends who only took 6 or 8 weeks of maternity leave. It's hard for me to imagine being "shocked" by the information that most men don't take 12 weeks of FMLA when their children are born.
Ok, shocked may have been a bit strong, but the fathers at my company definitely took more than 2 weeks off. We had 3 women give birth last summer and they all took several months off. I guess I've also seen a large number of articles and discussions on sexism and "benevolent sexism" lately, so it just struck me as really strange that it was so uncommon for fathers to take that much time off whereas it's expected for mothers.
Mothers actually push a baby out of the birth canal (And, in many cases, breastfeed once every 2 hours or so). Fathers don't.
I don't think this phenomenon of men not taking 12 weeks off is at all shocking.
Honestly, barring unusual circumstances, I'd find it a little weird if most of my male coworkers took a full FMLA 12 weeks off immediately following the birth.
My husband didn't get any paid paternity leave so he had to use vacation time if he wanted to be paid or he could have taken 12 w FMLA unpaid. He only took a week off and maybe another week when they came home from the nicu. My work gives two weeks paid PL.
I'm pretty sure I'd kill my husband if I was at home with him for 12 weeks. That sounds like torture for both of us
My DH didn't technically take any time, but he was a grad student, so it was a little different. I think my DD was an "easy" baby, but there just wasn't enough to do to warrant both of us being home...and since she was EBF and I was hesitant to introduce a bottle too early, there was even less for him to do. I think if you're both big on being completely equal partners in parenting, it makes sense, but it would not have worked out for us.
That being said, he did stay home with her for 3 weeks after I went back to work, so he got his alone time too.
The bolded for us. When we had our first there simply wasn't that much for him to do, I was nursing, etc. Plus, he was student teaching and in the middle of a career change so he went back after two days. With #2 he took about 5 days and that was good. Now with #3 he'll take the two days I'm in the hospital but our older boys are in school now so it'll be just me and the baby (I'm so excited to have baby time again
I became a SAHM when DS was born, so DH had to bring home the bacon. No paid paternity leave at his company. He took all the PTO he'd saved up (two weeks). There is no way we could have afforded any unpaid leave. We'd just had a baby, we weren't willing to let our savings take a huge hit just so DH could be home longer. At the end of two weeks, even after my rough c-section recovery, I could take care of DS, the house, and the farm chores.
Post by iheartbanjos on Apr 10, 2013 15:22:00 GMT -5
DH and I work for the same company, so we would only be eligible for a total of 12 weeks between the 2 of us, so obviously I wanted them all.
I think he took off 2 or 3 weeks last time around. We had a great time, but you spend a lot of money when you're not working. We went out to breakfast, lunch, did extra shopping, etc. There honestly was no need for the 2 of us to be home. I had an easy recovery--I walked 2 miles on the beach with DD 2 days after she was born. DH took over when he got home from work, so I had some time to myself, and it was actually nicer to have a little shift change at the end of the day.
It's unpaid but DH gets 5wks paid PTO & could have used that plus used savings. But he's in a project based profession & leaving more than 1-2wks would be a big burden on his coworkers & he'd feel behind & miserable catching up when he returned. He's never taken more than 2 wks off for any of our 4 kids.
I had DD just before a holiday weekend, so MH actually ended up being home for close to a week (including a weekend). My mom was still around for a bit after that, so I didn't feel that I needed him around. Anyway, his hours weren't going to bill themselves.
I'm not interested in having my H around full time for 12 weeks! Ha. Additionally, I don't want to lose that income. I just don't see it as being a net positive.
My DH took like three days 'off'. Two bc I was still in hospital and one when family came in. He may have taken a few more if I needed but he woked from home, I healed really well from my CS and he could help as needed and duck out for awhile to take us to the dr or whatever needed done.
H only took 2 weeks because he knew he was going to have to take a couple more weeks off when Edmund had surgery so he had to save part of his FMLA for that since it was planned to be at 4 months old but didn't happen until 5 months.
We didn't have any reason for him to take more leave because I was already going to be home and it didn't take 2 of us. Plus, we work at the same company so technically that 12 weeks is shared between the two of us anyway.
H took a week. For the next three or four months though he would stay home until 830 and he was almost always home by 530 (so not billing the full 8.5 he tries to do each day).
H can take as much time off as he wants. But he still has to bill 2000 hours (lawyer). So if he were to take off several weeks, he'd have to make it up later.
I would have LOVED if he were able to take more time off (without having to bill more hours later). But it just wasn't practical for us. I really appreciated his ability to work a more flexible schedule for a few months longer and still exceed his billables.
I haven't read any of the other responses, but... gasp, my husband even worked one of the days I was in the hospital. His office is not even 5 minutes from the hospital, and I was in the hospital for almost a week.
DH is eligible for 7 weeks of paid paternity leave, and will be taking the full time off. He plans to take 2-3 weeks up front and then decide when to take the rest of it once we see how things are going.
I didn't realize he was eligible for FMLA and PFL (California law) until this thread, so I suppose in theory he could take up to another five weeks at partial pay. This would be harder financially, but it's nice to know the option exists.
We saved aggressively.... Which came in handy for $9k of infertility bills. We saved again and had enough to covet half my salary while I was on leave since I get no STD insurance. But we thought it was important to keep a roof over our heads, so dh went back to work after 3 weeks (1 wk at hospital with me, 2 weeks home with baby)