Sentences you never thought you'd say

[vaportrail]

"I'm waiting for my dog to poop out a rock she ate."

[MWOS]

"I'm not sure the instrument malfunction was caused by a power surge through the surge protector, Boss"

[daisybuchannan]

Please describe the consistency of the poop. What do I mean? Come on- was it foamy, peanut butter like, pebbled, solid?

[cleo29]

"No, it's PENIS not PEANUTS"

[thebamker]

"Did you just lick his butt?"

[EmilieMadison]

"Dont use that towel I put on the floor, I used that to dry off the rat after giving her a bath."

"Hey! Stop trying to make your penis float and just get clean!"

Those are just two, I'm sure there are a lot more. 

[daisybuchannan]

Apr 26, 2013 14:04:39 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Apr 26, 2013 14:03:33 GMT -5 daisybuchannan said:

Please describe the consistency of the poop. What do I mean? Come on- was it foamy, peanut butter like, pebbled, solid?

omg

I lead a glam life, jealous?

[MWOS]

Apr 26, 2013 14:04:08 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

You really say Boss? I always think of that as such an outdated, 1940's movie word. lol

no, but I was told twice today that I look like a 1950's movie star so now I'm going to start

I just felt like if I wrote "Mark" no one would know who I was talking about

[sherbanator]

"Get your tongue off the toilet"

[stephlove]

"I am 8 posts away from 1,000"

ETA: well 7 now...

[emsumm]

"Did you really put a pea in your vagina, or did you pretend to put a pea in your vagina?"

[lilybug]

Oh my god I want to write a BOOK of things I never thought I'd say to my kids.

"We do not play with other people's balls."
"Please do not make Thor smash the cat."
"I know brother is loud, but blueberries are not earplugs."

Every day is an adventure, I tell ya.

[emsumm]

Apr 26, 2013 14:06:53 GMT -5 emsumm said:

"Did you really put a pea in your vagina, or did you pretend to put a pea in your vagina?"

This was only an hour ago.  *sob*

[nadasteph]

"I'm having a good day today, i've only thrown up three times"

[SugarKane]

"I'm just waiting for her to poop and then I can get her out of the bath"

My youngest DD had major constipation issues when she was little and the only place she was able to poop was in water. Thank baby jesus that's over now

[AHappierHour]

DD stop dancing on the table

[my4girls]

stop licking the toilet (yeah that was dd3 this past week and it was preceding by ewwww omg, please while I was gagging)

stop picking your sister's nose

[lkoenig]

"Did the baby poop today?" "was it a soft or hard poopie?" that question never goes away

or my other favorites having to answer questions about my anatomy when my girls (7 and 5) barge into the bathroom and I'm on the bowl....
"Mommy why do you have hair on your hoo?"
"ummmm because that's how god made us, and someday you'll have hair on your hoo too"

christ shoot me

[mookie]

Babe, there is something weird going on in my asshole, it hurts when I clench.

This happened today followed by a frightened, shocked, wtf? from SO.

Yeah...

[Deleted]

Don't grab your brother's penis, you have your own.

[flex]

"Mommy does not have a penis because she's a girl."

[LLL]

"Please don't put your penis on the table, sit down properly so we can have dinner" <----last year
"Dad had to call me back, he couldn't hear me over the sound of Aunt Paulette attempting to exorcize the demons out of Mom's back" <----- last night

sigh, my life.

[flex]

"Mommy and Daddy don't have to wear pajamas to bed because we can keep each other warm. But you, son, have to wear pajamas because you sleep by yourself and your pajamas keep you warm."

[flex]

"Spit that out into my hand THIS INSTANT!"

[Deleted]

Which baby was it?!

[lolly]

"Stop humping your brother!"

Said daily to my dogs, not my kids.

[gretchenindisguise]

"Please never stop brushing your teeth, babe."

Said last night to H.

[eb777888]

"I think the ladle is in the couch with the rest of the wooden spoons!"

"No, I will not tickle your penis. That is not appropriate."


Kids....

[Bernadine]

It's poop. He's eating poop.

Said after I put my hand in the dog's mouth to figure out what he was chewing on.

[luckyval]

Can you describe the dinosaur fossil you think you've found?