Question: do you tell H even if someone says "not even H"

[BunnyMacDougal]

Strangely enough, this was H's friend from law school I was texting with today who went into some marital drama stuff and told me not to tell "even H".

He's driving up here from a few states away sometime soon and will probably tell H about it then.  That's what they do, go on excursions and talk life.   

This is the first time this man has said anything like this to me before.  It came up as a topic of regular conversation that things were tense and I told him I'd be happy to offer my ear/thoughts. 


So, tell H or not?  (All ready told H I was texting with the guy and about the unrelated stuff we talked about.  Just left out the drama talk.)

[speckledfrog]

Yes. I'm bad!  (devil)

[TrickyBob]

Yah, I tell my Husband. And when I talk to a friend and say not to tell anyone, I always assume they are going to tell their spouse.

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

I always tell him. I also assume my friends ( or my sister) tell their husbands, too.

[BunnyMacDougal]

See? I almost told H for this reason. And I think when friend brings it up to H when he's here and H seems versed in it, it will be no big deal.....and I *think* the "don't tell H" was just like a reflex.....

But for some reason I did not tell H.

[Yankees21]

I don't know that someone has specifically said "don't tell H" but yeah, I always tell him.

[gretchenindisguise]

I always tell him, and swear him to secrecy and that he must act surprised if the information is ever told to him by the original person.

[nursewife]

Depending... If I know it will change his view of someone no. If its just gossip, yes.

[sewf]

Yup, I always tell. I can't keep anything from him. And the only secret he's kept from me was when he was going to propose. He can't keep anything to himself.

[KaraOrNot]

I tell H everything.

[murphey]

I always tell him. Immediately. LOL

[pantsparty]

No, I would not betray a friend's confidence.

Eta: unless he doesn't know/interact with that person.

[eb777888]

I usually do not tell.

[EllieArroway]

There has only been one time that someone specifically told me not to tell H and I didn't. But I always have to tell SOMEONE, so depending on what it is I will tell either my H, my sister, or my BFF.

[celeste]

No. If someone tells me not to tell anyone (including H), I don't. It's important to me that my friends feel like I am an independent ear, rather than a package deal with my H.

ETA: And if I had a friend who told all of my secrets to their spouse, I would stop confiding in them.

[sherbanator]

I tell him.

[CheshireGrin]

My XMIL used to try to stir up drama by "confiding" things in me (usually over-dramatized versions of XFIL's health issues that imagined him to be pretty much at death's door) and then telling me not to tell XH "because it would upset him."

It was awesome.

[rex]

Yes. I can't help it. I hold out for awhile but then it just happens.

I can't keep anything from him.

[underwaterrhymes]

Unless it is a surprise for him, then yes. I tell him everything.

[meganew]

Usually. But anyone who knows me knows that I'm a terrible secret keeper. I keep secrets from being secret!

[Deleted]

Yes, I tell.

But in your case where friend will be able to tell him in person soon, I wouldn't. Maybe theguy wants a day or two free of drama for fun and then will lay the news on H.

But once friend leaves, I would be sharing.

[blueballoon]

Yeah, I can't help it. I tell H everything.

[hopecounts]

No I don't unless it directly involves him DH is bad about saying something about things that he isn't supposed to know and it's just easier to keep him out of the loop.
In this case I'd probably respect the friend's request.

[daisybuchannan]

Yup! Lol. 

EXCEPT 2 instances. My SIL told me all "lalala" nonchalant that at her bachelorette party she kissed a guy bc it was her last night of being single. What? You're not single, ding dong!! AND the time she told me to think about marrying my H (her BIL) bc even though he makes good money, he doesn't come from money. WTF. 

[Jalapeñomel]

Yes, I would tell him. But my friends know that I cannot keep a secret, so they probably shouldn't tell me anything they don't want repeating. :/

[cleo29]

I need to know why he didn't want you to tell your H. What is the nature of the drama?

[Waffles]

I don't think anyone has ever specified "not even H" and always assume that not telling anyone excludes spouses. I expect this from others too.

I think I still would tell him but make him swear to pretend he didn't know when he gets told by the person (if ever).

[ECB]

This is so completely an "it depends". 

In your situation, I would not tell.  Your friend wants to tell your DH himself, in person.  Honor that.

Past that - it depends on what the information is, who it's coming from, and do I think DH should know.  Also, sometimes if I'm told something that I'm just like "WTF?  I can't talk about this, w/ anyone!?" - I know I can tell DH and we'll be all WTF about it together.  But we respect that we're both each others "last stop", so to speak.

Honestly, in most cases I probably do/would tell DH.  Specifically because we really do keep it between us and no one else.  But at the same time, there are situations (like yours, OP) where I wouldn't talk.

[papie]

Yes. Oh and as a teen I was super pissed finding out my mom had told my dad things that I specifically said "don't tell dad".
I get it now, lol

[mushmouse]

No I don't tell him other people's secrets. Other people's lack of discretion is the reason I don't ever tell anyone anything.