Listen, I get that it's frustrating. My H has done similar things too, bending over backwards for someone else at the inconvenience for both of us. But, it's his birthday. Also, how easy would it be to reschedule with your dad for another weekend?
There's no right or wrong in your situation. And your repeated request for us to tell you that you're right just rubs me wrong.
I would maybe try to talk to your H again and explain that your dad would be disappointed if you flaked on him, but since it's his birthday, I think the final choice should lie with him. Sorry, I can see how this is really frustrating.
Post by speckledfrog on Jun 4, 2013 15:30:47 GMT -5
Remember the massive thread about the Peanut Palace and how most people believe you get to do what you want on your birthday even if it blows for other people? Yeah. Can you just cut your trip with your dad short, since it's a dinner?
How is flaking on my dad a better option than flaking on my SS class? Plus, its not really flaking on the SS class if we hold up our end of the bargain with the cakes.
I would think it would be a better option if H is going to whine and complain all day while hanging out with your dad. If it wasn't his birthday, I would tell him to suck it up, but I personally would let H decide for himself how he wanted to spend the day. Is there any way you can do both? Go out with your dad a little later?
Remember the massive thread about the Peanut Palace and how most people believe you get to do what you want on your birthday even if it blows for other people? Yeah. Can you just cut your trip with your dad short, since it's a dinner?
The RH thing starts at 3 until 6:30 since we're making a whole dinner. We wouldn't be able to do both.
I understand why you are frustrated. My H has done the same kind of thing before--bending over backwards for someone else but it turn flaking on me or a family member or friend.
Is there any way to compromise? I don't know the timing of both things. Could you guys go out with your dad, cut it short and still go to RH? If that's not possible, since it's his b-day, I'm inclined to say drop it this once and let him do what he wants that day. If you still want to go with your dad, you can. If it becomes a habit and happens on other days that are not his birthday, then I would get more frustrated and talk to him about this.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Jun 4, 2013 15:35:42 GMT -5
My comprimise here would be that if he wanted to bail on my dad at the 11th hour, then he gets to be the one to make the call. I'm not doing his dirty work for him.
Post by EmilieMadison on Jun 4, 2013 16:03:17 GMT -5
They really gave you less than a weeks notice on the date? That seems strange. But yeah, you (and HE) already had a commitment. I'd see if you can move your plans with your dad to the next day. If not, then I'd make the cakes and let your DH do the RMH think on his own.
I agree with your DH date or no the RMH dinner is a prior commitment and doing one of those dinners is a lot of work but means a lot to the families. Your DH is right and its his Bday so he gets to do what he wants.
How is flaking on my dad a better option than flaking on my SS class? Plus, its not really flaking on the SS class if we hold up our end of the bargain with the cakes.
Your father isn't going to go fishing now? I think you're really annoyed at missing something you think will be fun. But your husband sees it as his responsibility to go to the RH thing. How about you make the cakes and go fishing and he brings the cakes and serves. He probably feels he committed to it even though the date hadn't been set yet, and that commitment was made before the fishing plans. And, in conclusion, it's his birthday.
I feel like this is always a problem with my H. He will bend over backwards for anyone, even me, but sometimes his giving bites me in the ass.
This is how H feels with me. In that situation it'd probably be me arguing for the RMH commitment and him arguing that it's his birthday and he'd rather spend it fishing. lol.
Still, I'm on your H's side. The RMH came first even though the date was never set (which is unfortunate), and unlike fishing, you can't just reschedule it. Plus the fact that H already decided how he'd rather spend his birthday. I am sure your dad will understand; it's not like you're cancelling your plans because you got a last-minute party invitation.
Post by themysteriouswife on Jun 4, 2013 16:49:02 GMT -5
The RMH typically gives dates out in advanced. On rare occasions they don't have volunteers and call places who have offered to be on a wait list. This could be the issues with the short notice.
Like a lot of the pp, I agree with your H. His birthday, his commitment, his calling.
Not to be snarky, you're kinda acting like a brat. It's your H's birthday so his decision. Maybe he gets more fulfillment from helping others than doing things for himself.
I must be missing the big deal here. Your dad won't understand that you got the date to volunteer and it conflicts with the day you're going fishing?
In my mind, the commitment to serve dinner at RMH comes first, and honestly I think you will get a lot out of it.
A day on the boat is fun and all, but I would embrace the opportunity to volunteer and reschedule with your dad. It is 3 1/2 hours of your weekend and your husband wants to go on his birthday. Just go.
Post by firedancer49 on Jun 4, 2013 19:39:50 GMT -5
I have not read the replies but I thought at RMH all you could do was cook the food and leave. Or cook and drop off. When we have done it here we are not allowed to stay when they are eating or anything. Maybe its different.