As one of my college professors said "It's not the big things that break up a marriage, like 'You sold our son to buy Budweiser,' it's the little things. Like 'I've told you a hundred times to clean the crap out of your pants pockets before you put them in the wash' sort of thing."
That's pretty sad. Personally, I think if most people would be willing to just overlook all those little things, there would be a lot of happy marriages.
I think most people give men a lot more credit than they deserve. Sometimes they just do stupid stuff and it really means nothing and doesn't imply anything.
As one of my college professors said "It's not the big things that break up a marriage, like 'You sold our son to buy Budweiser,' it's the little things. Like 'I've told you a hundred times to clean the crap out of your pants pockets before you put them in the wash' sort of thing."
That's pretty sad. Personally, I think if most people would be willing to just overlook all those little things, there would be a lot of happy marriages.
There would be a lot of happy marriages if people made an effort to stop doing things that annoy the crap out of their spouse, too.
its about the bigger picture though - not the sticks. i do think this specific example is a bit funny, and not worth the battle. however, my DH is slightly similar except he puts my stuff away. the thing is, if i leave something out, its for a reason. and when he puts it somewhere, i have to look for it. and sometimes, somewhere is the trash. so i get it. its annoying.
Is it possible that the "bigger picture" is actually that the OP has been harping on her husband for trivial shit? I mean, if he snapped "what have I done **now**?" (when she texted him at work about CORN DOG COUPONS) it makes me think that maybe she is being a relentless picker.
Do people really think that he was like, "Oh, you want some corn dogs? Well FUCK YOU!"? If that's legitimately the case, the OP obviously has a problem on her hands.
Exactly. I totally picture this as being "last week you threw my roll-over winning a free coffee cup, the week before it was my empty water bottle that I was saving for crafts and now my corn dog sticks!
Like, were the other things like makeup and her wallet and other legitimate things. or just more crap?
its about the bigger picture though - not the sticks. i do think this specific example is a bit funny, and not worth the battle. however, my DH is slightly similar except he puts my stuff away. the thing is, if i leave something out, its for a reason. and when he puts it somewhere, i have to look for it. and sometimes, somewhere is the trash. so i get it. its annoying.
Is it possible that the "bigger picture" is actually that the OP has been harping on her husband for trivial shit? I mean, if he snapped "what have I done **now**?" (when she texted him at work about CORN DOG COUPONS) it makes me think that maybe she is being a relentless picker.
Do people really think that he was like, "Oh, you want some corn dogs? Well FUCK YOU!"? If that's legitimately the case, the OP obviously has a problem on her hands.
LOL. Team Jenny. On one hand, I can understand being annoyed when you are hungry and somebody threw out your coupons, but unless dvlish's husband is a super asshole, I'm willing to bet it was not done with evil intent.
However, I may be biased because in our relationship, I am the one who throws crap away. I don't even do it on purpose, it is a habit bc I HATE clutter. I threw away bills that were waiting to be mailed last week and had to go digging through the trash when I couldn't find them.
its about the bigger picture though - not the sticks. i do think this specific example is a bit funny, and not worth the battle. however, my DH is slightly similar except he puts my stuff away. the thing is, if i leave something out, its for a reason. and when he puts it somewhere, i have to look for it. and sometimes, somewhere is the trash. so i get it. its annoying.
Is it possible that the "bigger picture" is actually that the OP has been harping on her husband for trivial shit? I mean, if he snapped "what have I done **now**?" (when she texted him at work about CORN DOG COUPONS) it makes me think that maybe she is being a relentless picker.
Do people really think that he was like, "Oh, you want some corn dogs? Well FUCK YOU!"? If that's legitimately the case, the OP obviously has a problem on her hands.
But I think there is a lot of room between "forgot one time" and "did this on purpose for spite". To me, this says "I don't hate you and want to make you mad, I just don't care enough to avoid doing something that you want me to do if it suits me not to".
I get this sentiment. There are a few things my DH does repeatedly that I've repeatedly told him bother me and it makes me upset at this point because it is obvious he doesn't care if they bother me. One is leaving the kitchen/bathroom towel on the sink after using it rather than putting it back on the hangar (or never taking it off the hanger to begin with, like I do). I've told him why it bothers me (it doesn't dry out quickly and gets kind of hard laying on the sink) and he just keeps doing it anyway. He's not doing it specifically to make me mad - in fact, I'm sure he's not thinking of me at all when he does it. Which is exactly the problem with it - he's not thinking of me. My thoughts about this don't matter enough to him to change his behavior. He doesn't care that it bothers me so he keeps doing it anyway, even though it would be something simple to be mindful of.
If OP has repeatedly told him that she doesn't want him throwing her things out, then it is obvious that he just doesn't care enough to remember than when throwing things out. Neither corn dog sticks or a towel on the sink are huge issues on their own, but when they are part of a pattern of not being considerate of your spouse then they become a problem.
She texted him to ask about corn dog sticks, of course he was pissy.
DH and I text each other about dumb shit all the time when the other is out/at work. That's the beauty of a text rather than a call, you can reply when you have time.
Last week I texted him because I couldn't get the sound to work on the TV. He texts me to ask if I know where he put his glasses case. Surely we're not unusual.
its about the bigger picture though - not the sticks. i do think this specific example is a bit funny, and not worth the battle. however, my DH is slightly similar except he puts my stuff away. the thing is, if i leave something out, its for a reason. and when he puts it somewhere, i have to look for it. and sometimes, somewhere is the trash. so i get it. its annoying.
Is it possible that the "bigger picture" is actually that the OP has been harping on her husband for trivial shit? I mean, if he snapped "what have I done **now**?" (when she texted him at work about CORN DOG COUPONS) it makes me think that maybe she is being a relentless picker.
Do people really think that he was like, "Oh, you want some corn dogs? Well FUCK YOU!"? If that's legitimately the case, the OP obviously has a problem on her hands.
I doubt people think that. It's not the action, it is how she perceives it. In her mind he doesn't have enough regard for other peoples belongings and in his mind he thinks no matter what she is going to complain at him for something.
It's a cycle. It's nasty food trash. Wait. You're both right!
That's pretty sad. Personally, I think if most people would be willing to just overlook all those little things, there would be a lot of happy marriages.
There would be a lot of happy marriages if people made an effort to stop doing things that annoy the crap out of their spouse, too.
MEH. And a lot of happier marriages if you didn't let yourself get so worked up over stupid crap. PLUS, you shouldn't assume that even if it's annoying, it's something that's being SPECIFICALLY done to annoy you.
I always used to get totally worked up because H never puts his clothes in the hamper. At night he drops it all in a pile and on Friday, there are 5 piles on the floor. THIS USED TO MAKE ME MENTAL. I'd be pissed because he should KNOW that it annoys me so why can't he just put the stuff in the hamper on the way to the bathroom. He doesn't care about my feelings, he's so insensitive. Nag, nag, wah, wah. The clothes bothered ME. Not him. He is lazy. Even if he tries he will eventually resort back to the piles. So now I just pick them up and throw them in the hamper. We're all happy. He wasn't doing it to annoy me, even if it's annoying. He's just lazy and for whatever reason, he finds it difficult to put the clothes in the hamper.
There's a lot of stupid shit that I do that annoy him and for whatever reason, they are habits that are ingrained in me that I cannot change...like I always keep the drawers half open or I leave the light on in my closet. If H made that about me not being thoughtful of him and making him happy, we would be at each other's throats all day. He turns of the lights for me and shuts the drawers.
Is it possible that the "bigger picture" is actually that the OP has been harping on her husband for trivial shit? I mean, if he snapped "what have I done **now**?" (when she texted him at work about CORN DOG COUPONS) it makes me think that maybe she is being a relentless picker.
Do people really think that he was like, "Oh, you want some corn dogs? Well FUCK YOU!"? If that's legitimately the case, the OP obviously has a problem on her hands.
But I think there is a lot of room between "forgot one time" and "did this on purpose for spite". To me, this says "I don't hate you and want to make you mad, I just don't care enough to avoid doing something that you want me to do if it suits me not to".
I get this sentiment. There are a few things my DH does repeatedly that I've repeatedly told him bother me and it makes me upset at this point because it is obvious he doesn't care if they bother me. One is leaving the kitchen/bathroom towel on the sink after using it rather than putting it back on the hangar (or never taking it off the hanger to begin with, like I do). I've told him why it bothers me (it doesn't dry out quickly and gets kind of hard laying on the sink) and he just keeps doing it anyway. He's not doing it specifically to make me mad - in fact, I'm sure he's not thinking of me at all when he does it. Which is exactly the problem with it - he's not thinking of me. My thoughts about this don't matter enough to him to change his behavior. He doesn't care that it bothers me so he keeps doing it anyway, even though it would be something simple to be mindful of.
If OP has repeatedly told him that she doesn't want him throwing her things out, then it is obvious that he just doesn't care enough to remember than when throwing things out. Neither corn dog sticks or a towel on the sink are huge issues on their own, but when they are part of a pattern of not being considerate of your spouse then they become a problem.
It would serve you well to read my post about the piles, because towels on the sink also fall into the same category. Unless you can say that you NEVER do anything that your H finds annoying, because you are ALWAYS thinking about him and his feelings. It's a towel. Get over it. He's a man and men are gross and they are messy. He still loves you and wants you to be happy, but that cannot trump that he is a man and that's what men do. I don't think you can change that and you shouldn't make it about YOU. Because it's not.
But I think there is a lot of room between "forgot one time" and "did this on purpose for spite". To me, this says "I don't hate you and want to make you mad, I just don't care enough to avoid doing something that you want me to do if it suits me not to".
I get this sentiment. There are a few things my DH does repeatedly that I've repeatedly told him bother me and it makes me upset at this point because it is obvious he doesn't care if they bother me. One is leaving the kitchen/bathroom towel on the sink after using it rather than putting it back on the hangar (or never taking it off the hanger to begin with, like I do). I've told him why it bothers me (it doesn't dry out quickly and gets kind of hard laying on the sink) and he just keeps doing it anyway. He's not doing it specifically to make me mad - in fact, I'm sure he's not thinking of me at all when he does it. Which is exactly the problem with it - he's not thinking of me. My thoughts about this don't matter enough to him to change his behavior. He doesn't care that it bothers me so he keeps doing it anyway, even though it would be something simple to be mindful of.
If OP has repeatedly told him that she doesn't want him throwing her things out, then it is obvious that he just doesn't care enough to remember than when throwing things out. Neither corn dog sticks or a towel on the sink are huge issues on their own, but when they are part of a pattern of not being considerate of your spouse then they become a problem.
It would serve you well to read my post about the piles, because towels on the sink also fall into the same category. Unless you can say that you NEVER do anything that your H finds annoying, because you are ALWAYS thinking about him and his feelings. It's a towel. Get over it. He's a man and men are gross and they are messy. He still loves you and wants you to be happy, but that cannot trump that he is a man and that's what men do. I don't think you can change that and you shouldn't make it about YOU. Because it's not.
Point taken and I can see both sides and definitely see value in your comments. I have come to the same conclusion about some things (such as laundry) as you - I can't pick every battle or else we'd be arguing constantly. My DH is kind of a slob and I'm kind of a neat freak so there are definitely a lot of areas where I've decided over time it isn't worth the stress to fight things that won't change anyway.
I will say though that if there was something specific and simple that my DH had told me many times bothered him, you bet I'd make an effort to remember to do/not do it. I think that is part of being a good roommate if nothing else.
I will say though that if there was something specific and simple that my DH had told me many times bothered him, you bet I'd make an effort to remember to do/not do it. I think that is part of being a good roommate if nothing else.
You would and it is...but try as you might you would still fail and eventually resort back to the same tendencies. ;D I could probably name 10 off the top of my head that make H mental, but I'm 40 and it's who I am and...yeah. That's all I got. They were habits that were there when he married me and he's given up trying to change me and I've done the same. Our marriage is happier for it. A dirty sock, towel, corn dog stick...even ALL OF THE ABOVE is just not worth the fight.
I don't know why, but there are just some bad habits that are hard to break and too ridiculous to try and break at some point in the game. Assume you both have them and nobody is changing and it's all good.
Maybe...but I have yet to meet a man that is not that way.
H is probably the neatest of the men I know, and he still does gross man things that I've just chalked up to being a man. And yes, I really think it is that simple.
He's a man and men are gross and they are messy. He still loves you and wants you to be happy, but that cannot trump that he is a man and that's what men do.
8-D
You can't be serious. Men aren't messy because they are men, some men are messy because they are messy. I'm the messy one in our relationship - does that mean I just haven't found my penis yet?
He's a man and men are gross and they are messy. He still loves you and wants you to be happy, but that cannot trump that he is a man and that's what men do.
You can't be serious. Men aren't messy because they are men, some men are messy because they are messy. I'm the messy one in our relationship - does that mean I just haven't found my penis yet?
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True. That was a gender stereotype and of course there are women that are also slobs. I apologize. Messy people are messy people. I will leave it at that. I am messy. I am not messy to spite H. I am just messy because I am. And I'm glad he doesn't read into that for more than what it is.
You can't be serious. Men aren't messy because they are men, some men are messy because they are messy. I'm the messy one in our relationship - does that mean I just haven't found my penis yet?
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True. That was a gender stereotype and of course there are women that are also slobs. I apologize. Messy people are messy people. I will leave it at that. I am messy. I am not messy to spite H. I am just messy because I am. And I'm glad he doesn't read into that for more than what it is.
sooooooooooo - what you're saying is that you're both messy?
If you are a messy person yourself, then yeah, harping on your husband for ALSO being a messy person would make you a hag.
If you act like your trash is gold, but your wife's trash is just trash... then yeah - you're an asshole.
see where I'm going with this?
perhaps not. you're a woman which means by default you're not very logical and automatically a bad driver. right?
True. That was a gender stereotype and of course there are women that are also slobs. I apologize. Messy people are messy people. I will leave it at that. I am messy. I am not messy to spite H. I am just messy because I am. And I'm glad he doesn't read into that for more than what it is.
sooooooooooo - what you're saying is that you're both messy?
If you are a messy person yourself, then yeah, harping on your husband for ALSO being a messy person would make you a hag.
If you act like your trash is gold, but your wife's trash is just trash... then yeah - you're an asshole.
see where I'm going with this?
perhaps not. you're a woman which means by default you're not very logical and automatically a bad driver. right?
I'm not a bad driver because I'm a woman, I'm a bad driver because I'm Asian. We are both neither messy or neat. We're messy about some things and neat about others. He leaves piles and I can be messy BUT I am an anal freak about my floors and my kitchen.
I don't think that anyone can argue whether or not a corndog stick is gold. Some trash is just trash, even if it's worth a free snack. I will not dispose of my husband treasures, even if I consider them trash...but to me, there are absolutely things that are trash, no matter what.
Maybe...but I have yet to meet a man that is not that way.
H is probably the neatest of the men I know, and he still does gross man things that I've just chalked up to being a man. And yes, I really think it is that simple.
Maybe...but I have yet to meet a man that is not that way.
H is probably the neatest of the men I know, and he still does gross man things that I've just chalked up to being a man. And yes, I really think it is that simple.
My H is nothing like that.
He has no gross man habits? NONE? Is he meticulously neat instead?