Post by ElizabethBennet on Jun 22, 2013 23:09:00 GMT -5
And regardless of what happened it is not the fault of the mother that her child is now dead. Obviously, she may not have used the best judgement, but she has to live with the fact that her daughter was murdered, for the rest of her life. The person people should be outraged at is the piece of shit who kidnapped, abused, and murdered this poor little girl.
Parents never have 100% correct judgement. We ALL make mistakes. Unfortunately this woman's lapse in judgement ended horrifically.
My heart just breaks for her. No mother should ever have to experience something like this. Ever.
I took my kids to see a movie tonight and had to park in the back of the parking lot. The movie was over after 11:00 and a lot of the parking lot had cleared out by the time we were leaving. I couldn't help but thinking that if, God forbid, something happened to us, I would be blamed for what happened because of where I parked.
I'm going to assume it was more along the lines of this: Mom is out after a long, hard day of work, shopping at the dollar store with her three kids trying to pick up a few necessities. Sweet old guy befriends them, sees how worn down mom is from working long hours at a hard job and raising three kids. Offers to help with a few things for the kids, since he's a nice old man and all.
They walk around Walmart for a bit, the kids getting a little cranky because it's so late, mom ready to go home, but being kind to the man because he's helping them out. As she gets a little more stressed by the late hour, guy who now seems like an old friend offers to take the 8 yr old to grab a snack because she's being whiny. Mom is overwhelmed, judgement is down, and she agrees.
See, this how a perfectly good mom in a difficult situation can let her guard down for just a minute in a moment of weakness and regret it for the rest of her life.
The amount of "that would never happen to our kind" in this post is disgusting. She's dead. I think that's punishment enough for the mom even if you don't like what she named her daughter or how she parented.
Yep
We tend to assume the best in people. Ugh, what a nightmare
This post makes it seem like we're all pretty good at assuming the absolute worst, actually. More victim blaming (and yes, the mom is a victim here) than I've seen in a while.
Good lord, someone assaulted and killed her daughter because she was trusting of a kind stranger in a public place and everyone is ready to tie her to a stake. Yuck.
as we should! you dumb stooges wouldn't let your babysitters take your kids to walmart at 11pm and then say to the sitter, " ahhh it's okay it's okay. it's punishment enough that you know our daughter is murdered. Nobody judges you, babysitter, that you let some perv take her to mcdonalds; you're just too trusting"
angela- It is different because its her own child that was killed. That is her punishment. Of course we are all thinking she showed bad judgment. But what is the point of punishing her or saying it over and over when she has suffered the ultimate punishment?
angela- It is different because its her own child that was killed. That is her punishment. Of course we are all thinking she showed bad judgment. But what is the point of punishing her or saying it over and over when she has suffered the ultimate punishment?
No, her daughter was punished. The mother is not a victim here. just like she wouldn't be a victim if she allowed her kid to get in the car with some drunk driving dude wasted himself and the kid
angela- It is different because its her own child that was killed. That is her punishment. Of course we are all thinking she showed bad judgment. But what is the point of punishing her or saying it over and over when she has suffered the ultimate punishment?
No, her daughter was punished. The mother is not a victim here. just like she wouldn't be a victim if she allowed her kid to get in the car with some drunk driving dude wasted himself and the kid
This man was going to kill. If it wasn't this girl it would have been another. Do you really think the mom is not suffering and blaming herself?
Post by karmasabiotch on Jun 23, 2013 14:16:28 GMT -5
It's awful no matter what way you look at this story. The monster should have been in prison and not given a chance to reoffend. He targeted a family that sounds like they were already at risk.
Post by margotmacomber on Jun 23, 2013 14:25:34 GMT -5
There is a lot of wtf up in here.
I do feel for the woman. DD has white curly hair and big blue eyes, we are always targeted when we go places. People touch her, talk to her, just in general need to point her out and interact. Once at BBB I felt almost bullied by an older man. He followed me through the store to talk to her and convince her to high five him to the point that the sales staff actually intervened. I was just generally being nice and trying to go about my business, but it was intense and weird. We want to believe that people are generally good but the sad fact is some people are so fucking damaged they will murder an innocent baby.
I don't understand what you gain by blaming her. Why not just show compassion to a woman who has horrifically lost a child?
Are you for real? I'm not gaining anything by calling a spade a spade.
I'm just over the 'let's have a set of rules for a babysitter and a super duper lax set for the parents'. Show me the alternate universe you people live in where no blame is placed on an idiot mother for her idiot actions.
sent from my I feel so lucky hey hey hey you wanna hug me hey hey hey what rhymes with hug me?
I don't understand what you gain by blaming her. Why not just show compassion to a woman who has horrifically lost a child?
Are you for real? I'm not gaining anything by calling a spade a spade.
I'm just over the 'let's have a set of rules for a babysitter and a super duper lax set for the parents'. Show me the alternate universe you people live in where no blame is placed on an idiot mother for her idiot actions.
sent from my I feel so lucky hey hey hey you wanna hug me hey hey hey what rhymes with hug me?
Yes I am. There is NOTHING to be gained from blaming the mother, it's done, she's probably beating herself up, we don't need to do it. It's not going to change anything and she can't possibly feel worse. So why do it? Do you feel better by vilifying her to prove you'll never ever make a mistake or have a lapse in judgement raising your own children? Others have already said it, we will ALL do something stupid or make a mistake, or even take a very wrong turn with our kids. Only most of us will be lucky enough to not lose a child as a result. Maybe you would never be in Walmart at 11 p.m. with your child, but you can't know that someone who is skilled at manipulating people won't target you at the park at 3 p.m. Hopefully if you are, you won't ignore your instincts to walk away from them. But you can't know until it happens.
Once again for the reading comprehension impaired, I don't gain anything by stating the obvious. A girl was murdered after her mom handed her over to a fucking pedo! Wake up rubes, you all would sue the everloving shit out of your preschool if an employee did the same. They should know better! So should mom.
sent from my I feel so lucky hey hey hey you wanna hug me hey hey hey what rhymes with hug me?
I don't understand what you gain by blaming her. Why not just show compassion to a woman who has horrifically lost a child?
Are you for real? I'm not gaining anything by calling a spade a spade.
I'm just over the 'let's have a set of rules for a babysitter and a super duper lax set for the parents'. Show me the alternate universe you people live in where no blame is placed on an idiot mother for her idiot actions.
sent from my I feel so lucky hey hey hey you wanna hug me hey hey hey what rhymes with hug me?
If a babysitter did this, no one would come, take the babysitter's own child, and kill her. The mother has lost her child forever; a babysitter would have lost someone else's child. There's also a big difference between being retained for a specific finite period of time to do nothing but care for a child and living your life while taking care of a child; that's the distinction the laws reflect, but on a more practical level, the reality is that (since there's no indication there's a dad in this scenario) no one is as hurt by the loss of that girl than the mother, whereas if the babysitter did it, the child's parents would suffer the loss and it would be their loss the law would punish.
No one is calling a "spade a spade" because it doesn't need to be said; of course the mom sucked. I think the point people are making (or, at least, that I am making) is that even though the mom screwed up, she has been punished for it; she will live with it for the rest of her life; and, at core, this is not her fault. She failed to protect her child, but this wasn't an accident. It was a willful act by an evil person. We should be blaming him, not the mom.
Post by pantsparty on Jun 23, 2013 16:24:02 GMT -5
I think it was flex who said not too long ago honesty without compassion is cruelty. That has stuck with me. This is the mom's fault, but she is suffering a punishment more horrific than any of us would wish on our own worst enemy. I can't feel any anger or blame towards her given what she is now going through.
Post by karmasabiotch on Jun 23, 2013 18:38:33 GMT -5
I'm not defending Sounder in any way but Maybe she was coming from a place where we have all heard about news stories of parents selling their kids to the highest bidder or trading them for drugs, or dumping them on a neighbor. It's on our local news every few months. I don't think this was the case but with the Casey Anthony's, and Mom's on crack or whatever it does happen. I think maybe her reasoning was just stated too bluntly and st an awful and sensitive time.