Books on Parenting a Toddler?

[rubber pants]

Any recommendations?

[rjamz]

I like The Happiest Toddler on the Block. There's a video too

Sent from my SPH-D710 using proboards

[dixeedeluxe]

I'm an open book. What do you want to know, LOL!

[Dorothy Zbornak]

[rubber pants]

Really just how to discipline a toddler. What to do during tantrums. How to understand them. DD had her first REAL tantrum yesterday and I felt so "unprepared".

[dixeedeluxe]

Aug 6, 2013 7:55:26 GMT -5 rubber pants said:

Really just how to discipline a toddler. What to do during tantrums. How to understand them. DD had her first REAL tantrum yesterday and I felt so "unprepared".

MOOKs can weigh in on this.  But I feel like the best advice is to, well, feel prepared.  You're not going to stop a tantrum.  The best you can do for you and your kid is survive it.  It'll pass.  But playing into it might (eh, probably definitely will) make it worse.  So be calm, make sure they are safe, don't give attention other than safety, ride it out.  Even if this means it's on the floor in a very busy farm while you are buying pumpkins.  Everyone one will look at you.  They may judge you.  But, they may be sympathetic.  Whatever they think, eff 'em. 

I say this as a person who has anxiety and whose anxiety manifests as anger.  AKA, adult temper tantrums.  When it's happening, the best anyone can do is leave me the eff alone.  Let it end, because it will end.  Then I'll be happy and fine again.

[Regina Philange]

Yo rubbapants!

I listed Happiest Toddler on the Block on ebay. Nobody is buying it. It has one day and 6 hours left.

I'll send it to you for free just because you are you if nobody bids.

[Regina Philange]

Lou wouldn't hold my hand in the grocery store the other day. Freaked out/jelly legs/laying on the floor in Target. I pretended like it was no big deal. Either you hold my hand, or you go in the cart Mister. But i was freaking out inside, because i was getting stares/judged.

It was one of Lou's first major tantrums too.

I feel like just when you feel like you have your shit together as a mom, tantrums start.

[rubber pants]

Aug 6, 2013 8:07:14 GMT -5 Regina Philange said:

Yo rubbapants!

I listed Happiest Toddler on the Block on ebay. Nobody is buying it. It has one day and 6 hours left.

I'll send it to you for free just because you are you if nobody bids.

win!   

[rubber pants]

Aug 6, 2013 8:04:23 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

Aug 6, 2013 7:55:26 GMT -5 rubber pants said:

Really just how to discipline a toddler. What to do during tantrums. How to understand them. DD had her first REAL tantrum yesterday and I felt so "unprepared".

MOOKs can weigh in on this.  But I feel like the best advice is to, well, feel prepared.  You're not going to stop a tantrum.  The best you can do for you and your kid is survive it.  It'll pass.  But playing into it might (eh, probably definitely will) make it worse.  So be calm, make sure they are safe, don't give attention other than safety, ride it out.  Even if this means it's on the floor in a very busy farm while you are buying pumpkins.  Everyone one will look at you.  They may judge you.  But, they may be sympathetic.  Whatever they think, eff 'em. 

I say this as a person who has anxiety and whose anxiety manifests as anger.  AKA, adult temper tantrums.  When it's happening, the best anyone can do is leave me the eff alone.  Let it end, because it will end.  Then I'll be happy and fine again.

This is me!  My DH is compeletly opposite.  Calm, cool & collected when it comes to shit like tantrums.  He can easily walk away and let her thrash around on the floor as he stands by and watches.  Im all paranoid that shes going to hurt herself and I get all worked up and upset.  Well, yesterday I did.    I know they are going to happen alot now, so I feel like I need to read up on shit like this. 

Like, where did my happy little person go?  She was so upset and nothing I did helped or made it better.  Im not ready for this.  LOL

[dixeedeluxe]

Aug 6, 2013 8:10:59 GMT -5 Regina Philange said:

Lou wouldn't hold my hand in the grocery store the other day. Freaked out/jelly legs/laying on the floor in Target. I pretended like it was no big deal. Either you hold my hand, or you go in the cart Mister. But i was freaking out inside, because i was getting stares/judged.

It was one of Lou's first major tantrums too.

I feel like just when you feel like you have your shit together as a mom, tantrums start.

It comes back together.  Tantrums are just a part of momlife.  Maybe it was because I had a baby when I started dealing with tantrums, but it didn't take too long for me to learn how to "just make it through" to the next tantrum.

And what's cool about it now, as the tantrums are more predictable (when we leave places), I get REALLY excited at her GOOD behavior!

What we all need to remember and H has a problem understanding is that POSITIVE reenforcement means not punishing the bad behavior.  It's rough because instinct for me is to act out right back.  And resisting is hard.  But it gives the best payout. 

[katfco]

I didn't read a whole lot of books, but one thing that helped us with Abby was to try to understand why she was having a tantrum. Was it an inability to communicate her feelings? Was she just ticked off? Did something in her normal routine change that she was struggling to adjust to? When I was more in tune to why she was tantruming, I was able to react appropriately.

Book recommendations can be hard sometimes, because they're all written from a different parenting philosophy. For example, a friend of mine suggested "Playful Parenting" to me. I thought it was garbage. It just wasn't my philosophy.

[dixeedeluxe]

Aug 6, 2013 8:25:07 GMT -5 katfco said:

I didn't read a whole lot of books, but one thing that helped us with Abby was to try to understand why she was having a tantrum. Was it an inability to communicate her feelings? Was she just ticked off? Did something in her normal routine change that she was struggling to adjust to? When I was more in tune to why she was tantruming, I was able to react appropriately. 

As an adult, I HATE when people try to rationalize my irrational behavior.  It sends me into overdrive.  So, with my own kids (who may share my traits!), I avoid this unless it's obvious. 

[katfco]

Aug 6, 2013 8:27:38 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

Aug 6, 2013 8:25:07 GMT -5 katfco said:

I didn't read a whole lot of books, but one thing that helped us with Abby was to try to understand why she was having a tantrum. Was it an inability to communicate her feelings? Was she just ticked off? Did something in her normal routine change that she was struggling to adjust to? When I was more in tune to why she was tantruming, I was able to react appropriately. 

As an adult, I HATE when people try to rationalize my irrational behavior.  It sends me into overdrive.  So, with my own kids (who may share my traits!), I avoid this unless it's obvious. 

Like I said, it's all about personal philosophy. I'm an analyzer. I like to understand the reasoning behind an action.

[dixeedeluxe]

Aug 6, 2013 8:30:05 GMT -5 katfco said:

Aug 6, 2013 8:27:38 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

As an adult, I HATE when people try to rationalize my irrational behavior.  It sends me into overdrive.  So, with my own kids (who may share my traits!), I avoid this unless it's obvious. 

Like I said, it's all about personal philosophy. I'm an analyzer. I like to understand the reasoning behind an action.

My mom is too.  It sucked growing up (meaning until I was 30) because the way she tried to figure out what was wrong with me made me feel like she was infantilizing me.  Once I was able to actually figure out what was going on, I knew what to ask for....PRIVACY!  Lucky for my current partner, I was able to communicate to him what to do.  Leave me alone then when I seem calm, come ask if I want a hug.  Then don't talk about it ever again. 

It's likely my kids will be the same way.  Nature or nurture, it doesn't matter.  I just want to give my kids the support/options/insight I never had. 

[ruby412]

I heard 1-2-3 Magic is supposed to be good. I also have the Happiest Toddler DVD, but haven't watched it yet.

[Deleted]

Love and logic!! I love it. I read half if happiest toddler and can't make myself finish it yet, I didn't find it very interesting/helpful.

[mscatra]

Second Smelly's rec. I read the Love and Logic Parenting book and am almost done with the Love and Logic Early Childhood book. I can't see myself applying ALL the steps of the Uh-Oh Song thing, but the general idea of the books (learning through natural consequences) is great. Maggie's still too young for a lot of it, but having some basic principals has really helped ME stay calm with her. I'm also an anxiety=anger person.

Next up on my reading list is Love and Logic Marriage   :^)

eta:  The tone of the Early Childhood book is a bit annoying to me, and the main Parenting book wasn't.  Made me glad I read the Parenting one first, otherwise I might have rolled my eyes a lot and not taken the EC one seriously.

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2013 14:20:50 GMT -5 mscatra said:

Second Smelly's rec. I read the Love and Logic Parenting book and am almost done with the Love and Logic Early Childhood book. I can't see myself applying ALL the steps of the Uh-Oh Song thing, but the general idea of the books (learning through natural consequences) is great. Maggie's still too young for a lot of it, but having some basic principals has really helped ME stay calm with her. I'm also an anxiety=anger person.

Next up on my reading list is Love and Logic Marriage   :^)

eta:  The tone of the Early Childhood book is a bit annoying to me, and the main Parenting book wasn't.  Made me glad I read the Parenting one first, otherwise I might have rolled my eyes a lot and not taken the EC one seriously.

ohh. Good to know! I didn't know that there were the other books. I agree that they are too young for a lot, but you can still apply a lot if it and get in the right mindset for when they are older.

[mscatra]

Aug 6, 2013 14:27:34 GMT -5 @huahualove said:

Aug 6, 2013 14:20:50 GMT -5 mscatra said:

Second Smelly's rec. I read the Love and Logic Parenting book and am almost done with the Love and Logic Early Childhood book. I can't see myself applying ALL the steps of the Uh-Oh Song thing, but the general idea of the books (learning through natural consequences) is great. Maggie's still too young for a lot of it, but having some basic principals has really helped ME stay calm with her. I'm also an anxiety=anger person.

Next up on my reading list is Love and Logic Marriage   :^)

eta:  The tone of the Early Childhood book is a bit annoying to me, and the main Parenting book wasn't.  Made me glad I read the Parenting one first, otherwise I might have rolled my eyes a lot and not taken the EC one seriously.

ohh. Good to know! I didn't know that there were the other books. I agree that they are too young for a lot, but you can still apply a lot if it and get in the right mindset for when they are older.

Yep, there are a bunch in the series, including one for the teen years and one for relationships in general.

[teamhayes]

I think I am going to rent these movies/books to "read/watch" in my "spare" time

I seem to like quotes

K started tantrums this week and I feel so bad for him. Ikust wish he could tell me what he wants.

poor little guy

and I feel like he sees his brother cries and we run to him that if he cries we should run to him

our pedi said to let M cry a bit so K doesn't think crying equals attention. so hard to do to a 5 week baby though

[shevacc]

Aug 6, 2013 14:20:50 GMT -5 mscatra said:

Second Smelly's rec. I read the Love and Logic Parenting book and am almost done with the Love and Logic Early Childhood book. I can't see myself applying ALL the steps of the Uh-Oh Song thing, but the general idea of the books (learning through natural consequences) is great. Maggie's still too young for a lot of it, but having some basic principals has really helped ME stay calm with her. I'm also an anxiety=anger person.

Next up on my reading list is Love and Logic Marriage   :^)

eta:  The tone of the Early Childhood book is a bit annoying to me, and the main Parenting book wasn't.  Made me glad I read the Parenting one first, otherwise I might have rolled my eyes a lot and not taken the EC one seriously.

Thanks for the note about the tone. I only read the Early Childhood Love and Logic book and was annoyed by the author's voice. I'll give the regular one a try. Looks like the toddler one was written by the son; the main one was written and researched by his father. Somewhat seems like the son is trying to cash in on his father's success with cheap knock-offs of Love and Logic this and that...

[devotchka]

I posted about this in May! Damn, this shit started early w/ us... really, as soon as he started walking at 1 yr. Sigh...

pandce.proboards.com/thread/173391/crankiest-toddler-on-block


If you find something that helps you, let me know! I'd love to read something that is truly focused on toddlers, especially little ones under 2 because they are in a very unique behavioral group, it seems.

I started the love + logic parenting book but it annoyed me for several reasons and I didn't finish it. It didn't seem to apply to the young toddlers - there is no way in hell Max would ever understand time outs or would it work for him (locked in his room like they suggest, especially.) However, I do let him get his emotions out sometimes if it seems like he needs it, and then we are there for him afterwards with hugs and snuggles. That seems to work for now. We also noticed that giving him at least 1 hr (preferably 2!) of serious outside physical activity time really really helps. He walks to the park and back, plays at the park on the playground, etc. Now that he is running it's nice to get his energy out. It seems to make him happier overall and the tantrums definitely subside as a result. I try to anticipate needs like I did when he was a baby and that helps - a lot of the tantrums are still need-based (even if it's in a sneaky way, like if he is tired but we take him somewhere and he tantrums for a different reason, it's still bc he is tired.)

[jaime183]

Aug 6, 2013 14:20:50 GMT -5 mscatra said:

Second Smelly's rec. I read the Love and Logic Parenting book and am almost done with the Love and Logic Early Childhood book. I can't see myself applying ALL the steps of the Uh-Oh Song thing, but the general idea of the books (learning through natural consequences) is great. Maggie's still too young for a lot of it, but having some basic principals has really helped ME stay calm with her. I'm also an anxiety=anger person.

Next up on my reading list is Love and Logic Marriage   :^)

eta:  The tone of the Early Childhood book is a bit annoying to me, and the main Parenting book wasn't.  Made me glad I read the Parenting one first, otherwise I might have rolled my eyes a lot and not taken the EC one seriously.

I have read a lot of love and logic teaching books but the early childhood one i still feel like is too old. Maybe Luke's tantrums haven't escalated enough yet but the reasoning they suggest is over his head. I do want to get in the habits though because i know from teaching once you are in the L&L habits you just do it naturally

[Deleted]

I have 1-2-3 Magic.  

Also I have rec'd Your Sensitive Child by Eloise Aron, for some of the other ladies who have kids fitting that description.  It's a very positive book, and I found it very helpful for my DS1.  DS2 is not very "sensitive" and much more strong-willed than his older brother so I will be re-reading 1-2-3 Magic soon!

[laurack]

I've heard 123 magic is good so I plan to check that out soon.

We started doing time out with Matilda this past weekend. She gets very naughty and claws/pinches/bites us on purpose/with a naughty smile. After saying no several times we put her in her room alone (her play room, it has a gate) and stepped away for maybe 30 seconds. She wails then we go back and say "are you ready to come out?" And she does. She is making the connection but say an hour later she'll have forgotten .

A month ago I would have laughed at time outs but suddenly she seems to understand so much more.

Her tantrums aren't super bad, usually she rolls around the floor screaming and I just talk to her in a calm voice about what we can do when she calms down like go outside, see ozzy, have "nana". (Food)

I dread outside/public tantrums but so far we have been spared.